When I was a child
tucked in blankets and snuggled in tight
my mother turned on the fan
and my head would race inside.

That drumming twirl
it drove me mad to the edge of quickness
to the point where everything was spinning
like the propeller of that fan.

As if a plane
was flying over my head I shut my eyes
yet the tapping of any movement was a flash
top speed horses in my mind.

Hooves darting for the line
I tossed and screamed for my mother
forcing her to turn it off,
turn off that horrible fan.

I'm used to that device now
I even used to sing into it like a microphone
and that fast pace of the world around me slipped away
and I was normal again.

But then mathematics
drove it back inside my head
and the numbers and equations I couldn't comprehend
messed with my head.

1, 2, 3
4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9,
10, 11, 12.

The clicking of the calculator
made the teacher's voice loud and like a blur
and everything drove me crazy
my brain not understanding of 1, 2, or 3.

Linear equations
I couldn't read and everything was dizzy
as if in running like silver
spinning like that fan at top speed.

I almost cried
when that speed happened again
when they placed that exam at my hands
and my brain reacted like it did with that fan.