they say
"in this day and age
sane people don't memorize phone numbers anymore
the times are changing
don't you know?
it'll work out, it just needs time
things change with time
don't you know?"
and believe me, I tried
but I can only give myself to you
so many times
until it begins to feel futile
and unbearable
I'd call your number, thinking
maybe with hearing your voice
I'd be rebuked by reality
but with each call
I was ****** deeper
into the black hole I created
that is you
I never doubted your fidelity
but rather my own
how close I've come
to giving you up
and how often I did
scared to abide for even another second
because your hollow excuses didn't prevent
the pain that shadowed
every cancelled dinner date
every 'I owe you' and
every missed call
I don't know what it was
or where it came from
that awful urge that dialed
when I knew you were asleep
or out of town
but it didn't take long
for the string of words
"you've reached
the voice mailbox of
five five five zero one three eight
please leave your name and message
at the tone
or press pound
for more options"
to be etched into my brain
where the sound of your voice
used to be
it's kinda funny, isn't it?
how I never cared for
the sound of your voice
but I figured
if I heard it enough
I'd get used to it with time
funny how I hardly ever heard it at all
funny how I can't remember it now

I still miss you in my sleep
do you still hear my voice
when I'm not around?