I never understood why I would walk around with a mask called a smile and pretend to be fine while I visibly was not

I never understood why my chest would get so heavy with emotions that I could not breathe or leave my bed for days upon days

I never understood why my image in the mirror would be so haunting that I would cry when my mom would remind me it was just a reflection that was distorted

I never understood why my physical pain would be easier to cope with than the emotional damage I had endured

I never understood why the demons in my head would tell me to do such unthinkable things to myself on a regular basis

I never understood why I was never good enough for myself no matter what I would change to better myself

I never understood why I wouldn’t let myself believe I had a problem when I so desperately needed help

and I don’t understand why I was so ashamed of something that wasn’t my fault but I do understand it has been a few years and things get easier

and I understand that without everything I felt, I wouldn’t be who I am today