"i ain't got no fat bootay.
i am just a little husky."
she said to me.
that big fat bus with the big fat yellow bootay.
"i'm a thinkin'
i'm gittin' REAL tired
of all your verse."
said she.
"you should live the life i do.
yes you should.
just for one day.
grubby little kids kicking the back of my seats,
hanging out the windows
screaming so loud.
"crying and punching
throwing each other's gear.
boxing an ear.
"picking and fightin'
and bullying every year.
wet boots and sand
poking me in the tummy
with their little stupid umbrellas.
wiping snot on my clean seats.
those high schoolers
smoking in back,
tobacco and joints
and drinking & stuff
thinking i don't know it.
well the he-ing and she-ing,
on trips, to games and more,
i won't go into here.
what do they think i am?
a rolling motel
hotel
super 6?
it's enough to drive me right
out of my mind here.
"i used to be shiny and bright and new,
and i was so happy
to finally get out on the town.
then i realized for what i was made
year after year,
driving around,
the very same trip
all over town.
more than enough
to drive anyone insane.
"if i had wrists,
i assure you i'd slit em',
for you can never imagine,
what is it like,
to be me."
says that big fat bus with the big fat yellow bootay.
okay so now... i'm starting to feel
just a little bad,
all the mad verse
i hurled
at her
all of those days.
so i say,
to that big fat bus,
with the big fat yellow bootay,
"why wait around?
set yourself free,
before you end up in the big fat bus
cemetery!
now in some other time,
in some other life,
i start to see,
i could see ,
the possibility,
of what good friends
we could have been.
i would have waxed her
well, brightened her up
shined up the grill
made those white walls sparkle.
i coulda detailed her
inside and out.
checked her oil
and tweaked those points
making sure those
spark plugs would light.
rotated her tires and
lubed all her joints.
windexed her glass
front, side and back.
so now
still feeling a little bad
i say,
to that big little-husky bus
with the big little-husky yellow bootay,
"go single,
go solo,
but GO NOW!"
taking my advice to heart,
that big fat bus,
with her big fat yellow bootay,
she discharged that last child,
and driver so worn,
and bided her time,
till well after dark.
she took a quick,
furtive look around,
stealthily rolled
out of the yard.
once a safe distance away,
set her engine in gear,
and got right the hell
out of here.
right away.
flying down the open roads,
careening around every
sharp curve,
every bend.
tipped on her side,
tires right up off the ground.
shrieking like a madwoman
"it's a good day to die!
i'm finally free!"
"It's a good day to die! mother f-ers" she cried
as she sped down the road.
until,
HEY?
HEEEEYYY?
What's THAT in my way?
OH NO!
it's a BIG FAT BUS !
with a BIG FAT YELLOW BOOTAY!
and it's in MY WAY!
...brakes stomped through the floor with all her might,
smoking tires and squealing rubber, and skidding down the highway,
way out of control...
more to come ...Chronicles of a Big Fat Yellow Bootay
Big Fat Yellow Bootay has made 2 previous appearances here.
if you have a hankerin' to read from the beginning... see the Collections, The Manly Cowboy & Chronicles of a Big Fat Yellow Bootay