My friends,
You are not alone.
They're are people in this world who will
try everything in their power
to get you to stop fighting for what you believe.
people will tell you you can't do it, what you want to achieve.
They will beat you with there're words,
spit on you
Tell you, you're worthless and
not good enough.
But listen to me
FORGET THEN.
forget them
keep their foolish words as far away from your soul as you can.
Remember what the enemy wants.
What evil people want.
Division,
distraction,
hurt,
pain,
depression.
Nothing good will ever come from someone who thrives off of others peoples pain.
So forget what they say you can't do!
They can't even achieve happiness.
So throw there words to the depths of the ocean.
When you have fear,
it exposes you
and takes over you
  it controls you and makes you lack hope, IF key word IF you let it.
See perfect love casts out all fear and so that,
is just how we must come back up.
You can't fight negativity with negativity.
That just doesn't work.
So what then?
Fight negativity with goodness and favor.
Reach out to the people around you,
give somebody a hug,
Bless somebody with encouraging words that you haven't before,
Pray for your friends,
Give someone a friendly smile,
Let them know THAT YOU CARE.
And most of all that they're not alone.
And that is how we will achieve perfect peace.
A peace that passes understanding.
Let them know that even right now,
Even in the midst of all this devastation,
Even in the loudest shouting of your crys,
Even in the midst of your hurting when your pain brings your only comfort....
There is still a hope left uncovered.

Once again.
It's happening again.
How much more pain do we have to suffer to feel our school is safe?
How much more do we have to be played with by cruel hands who crave evil attention.
The alarms sounded today and I saw men and women and teachers scared to death... "How could this happen again?"
Walking out to the fields they directed us to go I look around and see people crying, Falling apart because what happened the first time was unbearable enough and now they choose to mock us and traumatized us by acting as if this is just some little joke? As if....we are just some little joke..
Did you not see how we came out of it last time?
Though we were in overwhelming pain we inspired NATIONS.
Though we lost friends/family we stood up couragous and strong and reminded ages 1 to a hundred what it means to BE THERE for somebody.
Did you not see enough?
We will do t again..
Watch us, as one, stand up against this hand and hand with one neither and inspire you, inspire nations ONCE AGAIN!
Watch us surround our people with prayer and love.
Watch US create a undivided encouraging, inspiring group of people who ALWAYS FIGHT BACK with goodness.
You try to create evil,
How does it taste to watch us get closer to eachother as one?
You are only making us stronger as a people and you suffer because you have only shown us what it means to be strong and be a fighter.
We will ALWAYS GET BACK UP!
Because WE
ARE
MARYSVILLE PILCHUCK,
AND THAT,
That, is just what we do.
TOMAHAWK POWER

You see I've been waiting for your call back.
Cause to hear your voice is all i need even though i don't deserve that.
I know i made a mistake and baby hate I that,
I didn't trust you but I love you please just call back.
Cause I'm dying without you here, nothing feels right, without you in my life.
Ohhh baby!
Ive got to feel your touch again.... will you let me in?
I knock on your door at 3 come on i i know your in there
you open the door and i say one more time, baby?
I know we just had a break up but Lets just make up and then we'll make love.
Have good good ***.
we can let it all out, and forget it all, so baby are you gon give me a call?
See sleeping alone just aint the same.
And baby day in and day out i wanna show you how,
I really am the one.
please don't say were done
You deserve such a big apology.
Even though me blaming you deserves so much more than words.
You've got understand I didn't mean to hurt you.
Remember when we first met, you were hurting, i was the only one not disconcerting you. I gave you something to relate to.
You wanted to feel something so I gave it to you,
i made you feel love and i set you free of,
everything you were scared of, come on baby lets go ****.

Nothing is the same with you,
once you came into my life everything changed.
My perspective, my outlook, my peace, my life, love, everything has changed. And i love it <3
I love seeing you walk into my room, walking around my house knowing where things are, being comfortable, laying in bed, lighting up my world.
Without  you my life wouldn't be the same.
I just gotta say, I'm so glad you came into my world when you did.
You, the one that i adore are my one and only.
Our kind of love is the kind of love that only some are lucky enough to find once in a life time.
They're lover, best friend, they're foundation, YOU. :) <3
You are that one for me.
You deserve the best, i wanna give it to you.

This life never gets fuller.
Thought I was suppose to grow, trying to look for the good but it only gets duller.
There must be something wrong with me. I can't stand you.. The way you abuse my steps and I meet the floor, how can you?
You hate me for foolish reasons that don't exist. Your words hitting me like a hard brick, they have power, you should know it. Your intentions aren't death but suicides clinging closer to my one last breath.  I feel it slashing deep at my emotions trying to gets taste of my weakness.
I won't give it to them, I wont let them win, I cang give in.

It's a cruel world we treat ourselves like an advertisement.
So caught up in an obsession that leads to death painfully, sadly.
Looking in the mirror watching her body  waste away,
Yet still to her it's getting more, and more beautiful every day.
Yet every day she get sicker,
covering up the hate for herself by Immersing  herself in liquor.
Is this the right thing that we've been teaching the world? To consume our self-hate? To tremble every time we see a title having anything to do with cake? Cringing everytime we think we might be gaining alittle weight? But alittle weight in reality is nothing to everyone else but an idea you created in your head. Constantly you continue to dread the next time you have to face a meal. Caring to much about the way you appeal.
She says she's 100 pounds too heavy.... Being 110 already.
Girl do you hear yourself?
You see a masked and disguised version of the body your confused  minds blinded you to always see.
scratching at anything everything trying to find a hint of self-worth yet leaving empty-handed.
it's a painful addiction promising you a body that's beauriful so pretty, too skinny.
Skipping breakfast like it's nothing. Then sitting before lunch and dinner don't want to feel the pain that so real, So you push the plate away and leave can't stand the thought of gaining another pound.
Running with your fears,
numbers dictate nearly everything you do.
So you restrict and starve.
Losing your hair as fast as your weight.
This is the painful cycle you choose that we all hate.
Your burning.
You consistently battle thoughts, temptations, it takes up all of your time.
They have no idea but they judge anyway.
you wish you were braver but the idea of throwing it all away is too much, to heavy. These excuses you use on this body that you consistently abuse it's crazy this pain is weighing piece by piece.
you tear  yourself apart.
your ribs getting more and more visible, your meat turning into nothing, it's clinical.
As hard as it is, they don't know what you feel and they never will...
Anorexia.

I think it's time for him to leave.
I disagree.....
You know I spent countless hours on that RV!
I umderstand to a point but then I can't see, what you see.
We barly notice he's here, he even helps your husband on work he didn't have to commit to, but he did.
Whats so wrong with me wanting my RV back!?
Cause are two story house and three cars isn't enough? Not to mention the fact that we have three TV,s **** it's sickening to me. Can't forget the iPad and the kindle or your laptop that we barly use , EXCUSE me but there's definitely something wrong if you can't see what's going on. We are drowning In our riches and were too prideful to share at all.
It's not like your gonna use it in the winter time..
So what if it wears down, someone's gonna do that, and ****** at least it's for a good cause!

I do not walk around searching for acceptance from others.
No I do not care how many likes I get on that new selfie, I like photography and I value beauty in many ways.
No matter how much you think so,
I do not need your "incredibly life changing" word that Jesus supposedly gave you for me.
I definitely don't have to speak in tungs for God to hear me.
I don't need to have one night stands to feel loved and have worth.
I do not need your money, and no, money will NEVER fix all of your problems.
No I don't know the latest of what's happening with the kardashians, I have better things to do.
I don't need a big house I'd be fine with a one bedroom apartment.
I do not plan on marrying into money but if that happens, great.
Yes I like graffiti I think it's authentic and adds to the experience of the city.
I don't need or want **** or alchohol to have a good time.
I don't need to hear what you have to say about my make up or how I dress.
I like how I dress and I like me and I certainly  don't need your help to make me look how YOU want me to look.
I hate stereo types, I think you should too.
I like classical music and also rap.
I think to have dreams in life is a gift from God.
I see the beauty in tattoos and skin with none
I see the beauty in pale skin and the beauty in dark skin.
I don't think there is a such thing as a "normal person."
I'm real with God and talk to him about the confusions I have with him.
I say if you like ranch on your burger, get it.
I think piercings are fun.
My rooms not always clean.
And all together that sums up me:)

I hear the wind weaving it's way through the prickly branches.
I see the beauty of all the shades of this earth: summer, fall, winter, spring.
I hear the sound of T.V going on inside.
The sound of my mom making dinner.
I watch my chest move in and out as I breath deeply, feeling my mind working ruthlessly to figure out what I'm truly trying to concentrating on.
The minds a mystery.

She's beautiful.
Surrounded by angels.
She works hard for her money,
With a beautiful baby boy to come home too every night she does her best to be a great mother.
Covered In tattoos and piercings.
Just cause she looks different then you,
you don't know her, but you judge her?
And that's suppose to make you better?
Oh yeah cause that makes sense.
She's Angelic.
God made her who she is
Yet you look at her and hate her because she's too loud for you.
Her laughs a little weird, her smiles crooked and she wears too much make up.
Look at yourself!
You despise someone LITERALLY JUST, because she acts far from the way you would.
Do you hear yourself?
If you could make everyone just like you, you probably would.
I hate the way you think.
I hate how you can just pick people out just like you and me and reach this decision  of whether you like them or not.
You're fake, fabricated and a phony.
Haven't you ever been hurt before!
****...
Maybe if you really knew these people you'd think differently.

My mind is going insane.
Just trying to figure out what I rely on.
Is it you? I'm doubtful.
It all seems so unclear now.
Just trying to figure out what I'm even thinking...
Are you everything you say you are?
I feel you pestering me, bugging me over and over again
Can't you just let me be?
Help me separate my thoughts, make it clearer.
Figure this out for me!
Am I wrong or right?
Is there a wrong or right, or do we just think so?
Push me in the right direction.
I want to be for you!
So show me!
Show me you, give me all of you so I can give you all of me.

Theres so many things that I will never get
So many things that everyone seems to understand but not me
For example, what the hell is a two year marriage then it's over?
And what the hell is a parent walking out on her beautiful daughter?
You think it's okay for her to grow up and wonder why she wasn't good enough for you.
am I suppose to believe you did the right thing
That giving up is the answer when it gets hard
Was it to dull for you darlin?
First of all your opinions make no sense.
Where was your faith in this one?
Did god just sit out?
Why does love always have a deadline?
since when did hate overcome peace making?
and why is giving up always the go to answer when things get hard?
Tell me what is love to you?
Does getting divorced,
getting *****,
Having angry bursts,
Not calling or letting people know you care,
And abandoning your kids sound like love to you?
Look further then your loves circumstantial issues and move on.
Stop using life's struggles as an excuse to be weak and leave.
Do the right thing and stay together.
Stay strong, when everything tells you to just give up!
Stay standing on the foundation you created with the person you fell in love with.

She played with your emotions.
Causing you to not know who you were anymore.
Depression is destructing,
You let it break down your walls
And burry it's claws in your skin.
I've seen how it's hurt you
And I can't bare to see you hurt anymore.
It's been breaking me down just watching you live in pain
Please please please just let the chains fall off your weary back
Please heal
Heal...
Heal...
Let me help you get you on your feet again.

Bolted to her pain.
Everyone sees how deeply she hungers for a break.
She thinks "behave yourself. Don't let nobody in, don't let nobody know what's lingering so intensely inside."
It's a battle to trust seeing through eyes of suspicion.
Having trouble with passion, can't seem to find a relationship that's hopeful cause there's too many people to arrogant to understand what commitment is, and what it really means to love somebody.
She grew up believing the love meant forever,
Then woke up to reality, that love always has a deadline.
She crys,
All I wanna know is will I get through this alive?
Will I get through this left with sanity?

Here I am.
I've come along way.
And I'm still going, I will never quite.

You..
You are my blessing.
You are my hope.
You are my love.
You give me joy.
You.... Complete me.
You are the one I can't imagine my life without,
You are the one that gave me love.
You are the one I strive everyday, to show, how much love I have for u.
I wouldent be who I am today, if I didn't have you, to come back to every night.
You make me feel alive.
You are my foundation.
You are my safe place.
You are my comfort.
And with all this love you've given me,
I can't ever wait to show you how much I'm down for doing whatever it takes to make this work.
I'm down for your overjoyed moments.
I'm down for your playful moods.
I promise to be there for you, during the times where you feel destroyed and forgotten.
I'm down for the times when you feel alone, hated
and worthless even though you're the opposite,
everyone's got those moments.
During your misery I'm committed to being your relief.
I want to comfort you, make love to you,
hold you, play with you,
tease you, please you, adore you.
I love you.
I love us.
Even when the feelings grow less and less,
I'll still love you
Even when we grow old and fragile
I'll still love you.
Even when we may fight someday and feel like giving up,
I'll still hold on.
Even when we grow weary
We have to hold on.
Even when it's not easy
We have to...
Even when we can't stand eachother
We have to....
I know my love for you isn't temporary.
I love you, and my feelings won't change.
All I wanna do is show you.

She's so quiet.
Just look at her sitting there.
She must think so high of herself.
She's so pretty,
She must be conceded.
Whys she all alone all the time? ...
She must think she's better then us.
She didn't even look at me,
She's definitely a *****.

.....me?
Don't judge me so quickly.
I'm not better than you,
I'm not conceded,
I'm not rude, or
Selfish or an attention *****
Or a **** or a ***** no....I'm just...
Me...
I'm none of those things..
I don't think too high of myself, in fact
It's the opposite.
And I wish you'd listen,
I wish you'd hear what I have to say no other than because you cared
I wish you'd take me seriously when I say I'm broken
I wish when I was upset you wouldn't rush me through my sentences like its unimportant..
I wish you would just give me the encouragement and time I've been
Begging you for..
But that's not the case....
all you seem to do lately is talk over me.
Put words in my mouth,
Make me feel alone,
All you've done is make me feel like if I stayed in my room for the rest of my life,
I'd be doing everyone a favor.
Do you think I am lying to you when I say i am scared?
Do you think I'm being deceitful when I say I don't feel like living?
.....thank god I don't feel like proving it to you.
Maybe then you would see...
Maybe then you would know this whole time I've been nothing but TRUTHFUL to you.
You just never gave me enough thought, to listen.

It's been 4 months.
Everyday, every moment, every second I spend living I grow more and more attached to you then before. Your so amazing in every way.
You know exactly how to touch me how to talk to me so That I don't want to fight the happiness  anymore.. I'm automatically happy whenever I'm with you, and I wouldn't change anything that's happened with us (: meeting you, I never thought id end up caring for you this much but I'm so glad I do <3

It's been 3 months
And I don't even come close to regreting any of it.
You've been so good to me.
You've blessed me beyond measure
And I hope I do the same for you
I never want to loose you
Never!
Without you I would only be half of who I could be because with you I am all that I could ever need to be.
I love who you are
I love how you feel
I love how you look
Everything about you is so perfect
You're flawless in my eyes

i want you so bad.
everything about you is like magic to me.
just the thought of you turns me on ...****
and if you dont mind when im ready can you come over?
cause im in need of you.
i might be thinking to much
but all thats on my mind is you
and you have no idea how much a miss you
and wish you were hear every minute of my everyday.
i cant imagine my self without you
and i never want to.
cause you're perfect for me
i cant find one thing wrong with you
yet even if i did i would never want to change you..

You reach a point in your life when you realize
who really matters,
who never did,
and who always will.
dont worry about them worry about yourself.
some people really need to hold back there opinions...
nobody's perfect
and i dont know why you expect them to be....
people are gonna have flaws
and so do you so why point them out?
It's sad how the people you were once so close with can become just another stranger you don't know.
I love you, but Should hate you. I miss you, but I'm better off without you. I want you out of my life, but I never want to let you go.

alone.
i feel alone.
i feel frightened and scared without him...
unless im with him i feel haunted like im in a dream...
without him.....
i dont know what to do...
i dont ever feel myself without him..
i need him here
i miss him
with everything i am i mean it when i say he is all ive ever wanted...
where are you?
do i even matter?
do you even care to care?
DOES ANYONE CARE THAT IM HURT TOO?
please..
i dont want to always be the only one caring!
DAD?!?!?!
Come on dad, please where are you?
i havent seen you in months...
i mean really seen you.
i miss you....
and i guess i just wish youd miss me..
i wish youd call me a million times just hoping that i would answer..
i wish you were dieing to hear me sing...
i wish you would just once drop everything for me...just to see me.
i wish it wasent the other way around.
you dont care.
and even if you say you do, i know you well enough to know that you dont.
without you dad i cant live!
i cant even speak!
but for you without me?
you just go on with everything...
everything...but me.

please don't take this lightly..
yes i forgave you but don't think ill forget.
what you did brought tears to my eyes..
what you did made me end what we had..
i pray for your own good you don't use me again
cause if you do don't think I'll sit around and let you.
if you want me in your life put me there but i will not be the one waiting for an opening spot.
please don't take this lightly cause i wont forgive next time.
and i wont forget.

Wow.....
Youve changed so much.
Is that even you?
Should i even ask you?
You are mad at things I can't even comprehend.
I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I'm sorry that I'm not ALWAYS gonna be there for you... I try too.
You search in me as if your trying to find fault...
Trust me if your looking for faults you WILL find them in me.
God your such a *****...
Before you judge me put a mirror to your own soul and look at your own faults be for you start looking at mine.
Has it ever come to you that maybe your not all that perfect either?
*******.. At least I'm trying....
I care about you... WITH EVERY **** PART OF ME I AM FOR YOU.!!!!!
I've done everything I'm possibly capable of doing just to make YOU happy !!!
An I'd do anything for you
But this??!!
I just can't take it anymore...
I just can't....
So I guess that's it...
I guess it's over for us...
That's fine.
But remember I ONCE GAVE A **** ABOUT YOU when NO ONE else did so I hope your happy you little *****...******* and have a good ******* life.
*******.

you.
you are beautiful.
you awaken my cold beat-less heart, love.
i think i might even love you.
you are special
like a sacred treasure that i must keep.
you are amazing
and i love you

You're so predictable..
If you want me in your life,
put me their but I am not the type to stick around and fight for a spot...
You can push me away but, Just remember
I gave a **** when no one else did.
If I didn't care I wouldn't have stuck around this long.
If you were me wouldn't you do the same?!
I'd rather be alone than be with you who always makes me FEEL alone.
I'm tired of you accepting me at my strongest
but turning your face away from me when I'm at my weakest...
****... The hardest thing in life is giving up someone close to you.. Someone you thought actually gave a **** about you
But I won't stick around waiting for you to start caring about me.
I have other people to turn to I will be fine dad don't worry about me.. Not that you would have anyway.
And her... Yeah that mother ******* ***** you're with, she can forget about me too. I'm sure it won't be too hard for her.
Don't expect respect from me if you don't intend on giving it. Because that's ******* and I won't take it.
**** you really can't trust anyone anymore and I'm done trying to.
Yeah I'm giving up on you but just remember I've tried for 8 ******* years...
So if you plan on giving up on something......
Remember why you held on for so long.
Goodbye dad.

I feel so overwhelmed...
Right now I don't know what to think..
Snap out of it Grace he deserved it.
It's not the same between us anymore.
What happened to you?
What happened to us dad?
"I heard you recorded your first CD...
That's so great.."
"... I'm having a show daddy."
"I wish you could be there"
"Can you come?"
"Ohh... Your busy?... No it's fine..I understand"
Did I mention I miss you?
Even though I see you, I don't really see you... Cause your not ever really there..
I wish you were.
I wish you cared more...
I wish you could hold me now...
Ohhh your busy?
No it's fine I understand.....
I wish I could tell you how confused I am.
I wish you could tell me it's all gonna be okay and sort this out for me...
Am I a bad person?
Am I a disgrace to you?
Scream if you must but these questions are real....
I need you now daddy. Dad where are you?
Am I doing the right thing?
Don't answer that... I know you wouldn't anyway.
Dad? Are you listening?
Ohhh okay I'll try again some other time...

It's been almost 5 months since I've talked to you....
I just got a txt from you.. You said your sorry.
**** I really loved you...
Yeah I really did...
But,
Why now?
Come on love... Why not earlier?
It's to late now.
I thought we both moved on..
But I guess neither of us really did. And I guess I realize that now.
**** babe why now? I'm in the middle of something? Can't you see I'm with someone else?
Is that why you said sorry? Cause you knew that could have been you?
I hope so.
I hope you regret what you did...
I hope it burns a whole in your mother ******* brain... Pow pow, call that piece of mind.
I hate you
I hate what you did...
Truth is though.....
I hope you know all I'm really trying to say is I miss you....
I really ******* miss you...
But you can't know that...
****

Look at me, dad.
I'm finally breaking down...
I'm finally crying...
Is that what you wanted?
I can hear you now..
"You are very important to me... I'm so proud of you!"
Then you turn right around and tell me you're not coming...
"But dad! You promised me..! You told me that you weren't leaving!."
"I'm sorry grace dads got work to do. Dads gotta be at church in five minutes"
I've learned that sometimes you have to walk through life alone...
Sometimes I wish I would have never met you.. So I wouldn't have to feel the pain of you leaving.
God you say you're there for me...
Where the **** are you in this....
When was the last time you answered even one of my prayers?
I guess this Jesus thing works for some people but to me it just seems like I'm hoping in something hopeless...
Dad where are you.....
You lied to me dad... You told me you'd be there for me... YOU PROMISED ME!!!!!
And now these tears have reached my throat..
But you don't care...
"Grace I care! I really do"
******* at least tell the truth..
I hate this.

Why am I so angry?......
What the **** do you think your doing?!
Take your eyes off of your phone for two seconds and take a look around you... Take your focus off the church for one minute and look at the people around you....
Your gaining all the wrong people and pushing away the ones that have always been for you....
I guess that's why I'm so angry..
I got a txt from you today:
"I really do care about your life grace.  Just Don't leave me in the dust" - Dad
Don't leave me in the dust????
ARE YOU ******* KIDDING ME?!?!
Yeah sure your one to talk dad....
"I don't just push people away for no reason"- Grace
Your a ******* joke.
C'mon dad werent you the one that taught me to be there for eachother??
I'm so tired of being the only one that's there for somebody in this relationship...
Going to all your shows, even your practices ... ****
You can't even come to one ******* SHOW!!! You never came to one swim meet..
Not one dance recital...
Not one talent show....
Not one...
Then you have the nerve to tell me not to leave you in the dust???!!!!!
I can't even believe you...
You were there before but now your given up before you even have the chance to try....
No dad you left me in the dust along time ago... And I was the ONE person that stood there with you through it all!!! I was there when everyone turned against you... I agreed with you when everyone else found reasons to disagree...
ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE LIKE YOU, DAD!!!!
....but now?
******* I'm not so sure......
I always stood next to you...
No matter how much you never came through...
But now?
I'm so gone.

Hey you, yeah you its me, remember me?
the one you used to call your best friend, or at least it seemed.
whats going on with you?
cause somethings diffrent and i can feel it comming out of you...
Lord help her.
to you whats more important?
i can feel the anger in you rising up so high its about to burst out and come out smokin...
i can see all your old prioritys beginning to be shifted and the important ones all driftin..
**** girl where you goin!?
using all these temporary things to kick depression out the door.
trying to send it on its way
just dust it of your shoulder
knowing there is only one way
to keep it from getting any colder.
see you know its true.
and i think you know your running from the truth.
cause you're scared that deaths gonna catch up to you.
Lord i dont know what to do.
help me.
i need you.
yeah your scared you've abused your mind with very dark things.
and you've been showed some very hard things that have taken you places you didn't want to making it scar you.
every body goes through stuff
but you tend to dwell in it
but you've gone further and you've grown up taller
your finally seeing the world in a new order.
BAM then you get hit again falling flat on your face in disgrace
and all you can do is stand there while people humiliate you.
so your back into these temporary fixes again.
come on grace wheres your head at?

Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go catch a plane
"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy
Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself
Then turn right around in that song and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
I keep having this dream, I'm pushin'my daughter on the swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy you're lying
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These ******' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on


Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding,"
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad
"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are going"
"But baby wait,
"It's too late Dad, you made the choice
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill
Yeah, I bet you will. You rap about it, yeah, word, k-keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, **** it
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'
It's spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to say..

Try to kick me when I'm down
you can keep knocking
but you cant knock me down.
what goes around comes back around.
i hope you enjoy your time looking face down just standing there watching me drowned.
all these people looking down on me
All prove you wrong. Ill make it to the top you'll see.
I didn't do it for you,
i did it for me.
you were never there for me anyways.
I'm so tired of being the only one there for someone in this relationship dad...
daddy its me, cant you see?
you promised me you wouldn't leave but you did
its to late
go show the crowd you love them more than me... that's what they want, right?
That's what you want.....right?
all i ever wanted to make you was proud
proud of me for doing something i believe in.
dad I'm following in your foot steps but you don't see me.
your so focused on you.
This world has a mind of its own
its scary.
I'm learning to take life as it comes at me...
get pushed around, torn apart, and shattered but i keep walking.
one foot in front of the other seems like something you would do.
all I'm trying to do is be like you.
i plan to do everything i set my mind to...
all make it out.
i don't need you
your gone to me already
so i  guess i don't have to get ready.
no matter what you say,
i refuse to be stuck
I'm gonna move forward.
i may not be doing it your way
but to me this is the best way...
i may not be singing in a church,
but at least I'm following my dreams..
of course that's not what you have wanted...

i trusted you a little to easily.
and you ******* me over a little to often.
I'm young but I'm wise enough to know that i was used.
i guess i cared a little to much for you i over looked it.
i was battered, to far gone.
you never cared for my feelings...
and i cared to much for yours.
i hope you burn in your stupid choices.
and i hope you never forget those regrets you're forming now cause you don't have me.
I am so done with you.
I'm gone.
you had your chance, but you abused it.
I'm happy to know that those three years i cared for you were all a waste of my ******* time.
Of course you left me learning one thing....
Now because of you i know not to trust so easy.
you loved me cause i gave in so easy.
you only stayed cause you knew you couldn't get anyone better..
i wish i knew going into this, three years ago that this would be hopeless.
that i would end up hurt.
****...
Have you ever walked through your house feeling like a complete stranger,
in between these walls you've walked by over a thousand times?
or felt like an outcast to these day one friends?
ever felt like just a maid to everybody else?
i feel that. **** that.
and ******* for tricking me...bring my hopes up only to through me to the floor.

I feel so lonely...
And the darkness of today seems to never end..
Laying in my bed listening to my best friend talking... Im Looking at the Celing I can't keep my mind off of the things my mind deeply wants to linger in.
I wish I could just sink into this old carpet floor.
Because I'd feel safe there.
A human being can be used...
A person can be treated like a used toy....
But my old rugged carpet can not.
I wish I could blend in with the ocean and not the sand.
So u wouldn't be able to walk all over me.

I'm not stuck dad, I'm moving forward.
You just don't approve of anything I do that's worth being proud of.

Have you ever Felt so afraid,
That you can't ever stand being alone?
Have you ever felt so abandoned that the circumstances in your life didn't matter cause you would be depressed whether they were good or bad?
Have you ever been so used to feeling alone that you would choose to be by yourself besides hanging out with your friends.
You'd rather sink into the floor then walk amoung the halls of your own home.
Have you ever been so bullied so much that the words almost just become numb to you and you can barley feel the stab at your soul anymore because of it.... Intact  to you peoples hurtful words are a distraction from everything else going on in the world that's so painful.
Have you ever felt so stuck to the point where you turn to drugs orlook to the end of your drink to try and find the answer to all your questions?
Feeling so disconnected from everyone cause of all your past mistakes....
It's nothing new for you.
Then the people around you treat you like an object that needs to be fixed... Like they know exactly what you need only causing you to fall deeper and deeper into depression like there's no way out.
Feeling like your just a project....
Or that one friend that no body wants around cause you always need somebody to just vent to, never getting a chance.
People call you attention starved but it's only cause your always alone...
I know how that feels.
Your not a project.
Your not stuck you can move forward.
Your not attention starved... Anybody would do the same if they had to go through what you did.
You are you and that's perfection

I heard that tomorrows not promised today...
But what if what if I died tommarrow?
What would they have to say?
I don't want no regrets no no.

I wonder what it would be like....
How it would feel... All the sensations...
Imagining The warmth of your touch pulling on my skin. Grabbing me and placing me in all these positions. ******* I remember this. The way I'd guide your hands down me, you pulling my hair.
Trying so hard to let go but your temptation and I'm giving in. This is so wrong... But ****..
Everybody loves a good girl gone bad. It's not so bad, just let it happen... I can't...
You put my legs around your back pulling me closer to your skin this is so incredible. Then you hold me in your arms, I feel so ****.  Can't even give you a glance *******.  
This is where imagination gets me
Wake me up.

God I just wanna know you.
You say you know me by name,
Well I wanna know you by name.
Lord what will it take to know you like your own son knows you?
I just want to fall in love with you God.
Just to dance for you
Just to sing for you
I would want nothing else God.
Nothing else... Cause your all that gratifys.
I wanna speak like you speak.
And have the faith that you had to heal so many hearts, God I want that.
You brought a dead body back to life countless times.... And if you live in me, doesn't that mean I have that?
If you were heaven on earth and you're in me doesn't that mean You are  heaven on earth  going through me?
Ihave such a longing and passion to just dwell in you just to romance you lord. I would be forever satisfied.
Be my all consuming fire.
I don't want you just sometimes
I don't want you just tommarrow
Or just today
I want you in every minute of every hour because Lord you define me.
You give me an identity that is longer than temporary.
Romance me God.
Show me you're deepests passion
Lord I just wanna know you.
I would be forever satisfied.

The ashes fall
The wine spills...
Whats appealing to me I know it's not humanity.
How can I sleep when there's all these people falling around me.
I'm loosing my mind.... I see it running off now ha.
******* to my head pow pow, I fake it all the time.
Who am i to not even realize that there's people out there chained to brick and just **** like that.....Lord.
My daddy told me when I was young to stay away from **** like that.. He's seen it with his own eyes... God bless America. Sweet land of **** them all and let them die......
I wanna leave my mark on this world.... They say you can make someones day by a smile. But you can save the life of a child.
**** Lord  show me how to do it.
YOU where the one that touched the untouched, gave voice yo the voicless and healed the ones that had no hope, am I wrong?
If your inside me Show me how I can be that strong...
Cause theres a stirring in my heart God.
Tell me there's some way I can feed the hungry or give hope to the hopeless.
Cause to me it just doesn't seem right for me to be sure about his hope in my heart and not share it.
Joy is the atmosphere of heaven...
Help me be that atmosphere Lord.
Help me change the coarse of this generation..
Show me.

Erm.
Well...
****.

You were my everything.
Everything that is  now nothing.
You were my every minute in every hour and I wanted to spend it all with you.
All of it just to be near you.
You were the "L" to my "ove"
The light to my sky
The diomond to my ring the voice that I sing
You
Were
Everything....
And I lost you...
All because of some stupid mistakes.
Some stupid mistakes that caused us to part are ways an now we don't even speak... Anymore.
The only word I SPEAK anymore is lonelyness and longing..
Longing for you to even care alittle bit.
Just enough to even look me in the eyes.
Just enough to remember how you and me used to be.
And I know you remember.
Because no matter how hard you try you can't erase me.
In every woman that you sleep with you'll remember me because you'll remember where I am suppost to be.
In every memory that you make I know you remember ours because you can't forget me.
I was your one and only
And you were and stil are all of mine.
Because you are my everything.
I used to say alittle time is all it takes.
Just a few nights with the girls is all I need.
But I still cry everytime I look in the mirror an only see me....
That empty space is where YOU are suppost to BE.
....but your not here and I'm here just trying to cover up all these tears from falling any closer to my chest making sure my parents don't hear because I want to look my best...
I know it's gotta be killing you because it's killing me.
If only it was. But it's not.
I hate that I love you.
I hate that every time I think, a thought always brings me back to you.
I hate that every time I dream your in it
Every time I make a memory you're not in it.
And everytime I want anything to do with you I can't be in it....
*******... Hopeless relationships.

There's always that one person that will always have your heart. Yeah your definitely that one for me.
Do you remember how it used to be?
How we used to stay up till 5 every night just to talk to eachother?
How we would always fantasize about what could be. About the things we wanted to do.
Do you still think about how we used to talk every minute of every day?.... We never ran out of things to say... **** I sure miss you. I still remember the first moment I thought I liked you. Two years ago.... **** babe You took my breath away.
Yes of course there was other guys that got my attention. Mostly ones others would classify them as perfect. But with you it was so much more, There was something about you that I couldn't get off my mind.
Before anyone knew about our mistakes, it was great. I loved everything you use to say. Even if it was about video games or movies it was okay. I didn't care it was still you and that's all that mattered to me.
Yeah we got into some trouble and they found out I thought it was the end I thought you might give up but you didn't. You came right back. You and me we acted like we didn't care we still stayed up late and talked for hours like we used to.
But we got caught again a few months later and  now it's like it all wore off like everything that happened in those two years is lost. We don't talk anymore all those late nights are over... I hate this.
I wish I knew what you thought.
I wish I knew if you still felt the same way.
I still stay up but when I do it's only so I can think of you and what could be...
Just trying to keep myself from calling you.
**** I miss you so bad babe.
To me you were so perfect
It never mattered if circumstances in my life was going wrong cause you made me so happy.
Everything was right a long as you where only looking at me.
I miss you, I miss everything about you.
I like how you made me work for it how it wasn't just given..it was always so real and I never wanted to see us end.
And now no matter what I do something reminds me...
A catch if your sent in the wind my way...
An old txt locked in my phone of something you had said.
A song a show a movie it doesn't matter cause no matter what a thought always brings me back to you.
Even if I'm with another and I'm in his arms I still think of you he coul do everything right but it still wouldn't be you.
With you my heart was there everythig felt so right if only there wasn't that night that they found out maybe you and I would still be talking. If only.....
I would tell you this but if I did there would be no mystery

I
Am
Me...
I'm just a normal girl.
Grew up realizing that love inst just given....
i knew by five years old that I'd have to fight for what i believe in.
realizing that abuse is so much more common..
this world is scary....
something happens when you realize no one can save you from falling away from who you are.
something happens after the first time you loose yourself.
something shifts, creating a shaking down to your emotions...
its so much more common for people to belittle you and hurt you.
shaking you like an abused dog and throwing your emotions to the ground.
there comes a day like today when you realize that everything thats worth it, must be fought for.
and ignore all the threats and curses that people throw at you and push through all the times that your left alone in a room full of people...unloved, untouched, broken, and shattered..
you finally realize you have to fight to be accepted..
that you have to fight to be loved...
that you must fight for it all.
yet of course, you wont leave without a few scars...
yet that's okay..
at least you got what was worth fighting for.

Nobody likes anyone whose perfect.
yet how come we all strive to be perfection?
seems like we always want what we don't need.
we make it our every effort to be flawless for everyone else.
caring so much about the way others see us,
we forget to just be our selves...
Feeling so disconnected from the world
yet trying so hard just to feel accepted
we forget what it means to just be, without striving all the time.
never realizing that perfection is the you, without trying.

I wish we would get along..
i wish that we had never went wrong
but you messed up and i messed up
and lines got crossed so here we are now....
i wish you'd love me like you love her.
i wish you'd treat me like your daughter,
your one and only.
Remember you said after you got married
you'd have more time for me cause you'd be settled down
well look how that turned out.
cause now you're in the corner across the room
looking at my picture from 8 years ago
wishing i was over there
yeah i was young wasn't i?
then you ask me why i don't like her
or why i don't like coming over....
cause i was left alone..
i hate being alone
and  now I'm in the middle of no where
wishing you would be missing me too.
wishing you where here...
do you ever miss me too?
i Guess things got a little complicated..
i wish i could speak to you, tell you all the things that i've gone through
just to get to you..
just to be with you....

I'm thinking about the person that you want me to be.
and I'm looking at you now thinking about your reputation.
you speak of hope when the people all remain voiceless.
you speak of love with all these people so broken.
These people are starving for love..
who are we to judge them?
How much longer can we ignore that these people have been robbed of their joy?
We are all searching for a leader to look up too.
something like a God to hang are hardships and pain on...
But they cant find a leader so they look to the media telling them its ***, drugs, and money that give you identity.
where are we Christians in all this?
where are you messengers of hope in all this?
i heard that tomorrows not promised today..
what if i died tomorrow?
what would the people have to say?
what would i be leaving with?
i don't want no regrets no
i don't want no regrets.

everybody wants to tell me what i need.
you can play a role in my life but not the lead.
look at who you're talking to.
nothing you say will change my identity in what i do.
i see how your life is playing out too ...
my eyes are messing with me...The world never stops spinning.
never knowing when Gods gonna make the world shake us.
never know when its my last day.
could be today.... ****.
and today, I'm thinking about what id be leaving without.
when i leave i don't want any regrets.
when you look through my past you're gonna see a bunch of wasted nights,
glorifying drugs and the prospective of the people... looking for love in the broken. leaving with nothing.
This whole time God, you've just been standing there... waiting for me to finally listen to the words you've spoken.
****... I'm sorry i haven't been listening.
all these times i couldn't find you.... you where right there beside me...
man, you never know whose right behind you.
I gotta be careful cause Ive got some younger people that look up to me.
God, you've foreseen my future, you've painted it out like a glistening picture.
i think its time i really look at my life.
take a new look from fresh prospective,
and stop making it my objective to live life my way.
cause i tried it that way, cliche.
i heard tomorrows not promised
i don't wanna leave with regrets.

God bless America
this so Godless America...
this cold world... anybody give a ****?
everybody living for everybody
life living for everybody...
Leaders teaching that being blessed means being rich
having ten different women.... having **** to smoke and beer to drink.
Don't get me wrong im not saying im all that different.
how can anybody be different
when we are standing in the middle of it?
God, **** this is *******...
where can anybody find you in all this?
when all we hear about is war from religion, poverty, and sickness?
God, help me find you in all this. cause i cant help but become so blind to you in all this.
My minds in a blur cause im just finding out there's no ******* cure to this scary disease.
its a cold world...
God bless America
this so Godless america

you expect me to love her?
when you put her on a pedestal and love her more than your own daughter?
**** wheres your head at?
you wont even come to hear me sing...
you never even came to one swim meet...
the only time your "involved in my life" is when i go to your house and watch you pay bills when that's suppose to be "our" time.
you never make any effort to even acknowledge that I'm your daughter unless i do something for you.
i thought you said after you settle down and got married that you would  have more time for me...
...yet look how that worked out for us.