you and me....we were so close
father like daughter, the bestest of friends.
you were my savior, you taught me about Jesus, you used to read me the bible every night to me..
you deliverd me to Christ and prayed the prayer of salvation with me, and i was saved.
but see then you stopped coming home, and when you did, you were always drunk!
hitting my mom, pushing me around. i guess things got a little to heavy for you...
see, i wish i knew it was alchohal, i wish i knew that wasent my daddy, that would hurt me... but i didnt!
so i hide from you, under my bed, clenching on to my blanky cause you and mama were screaming...always fighting.
i didnt know what to do!!
what happens when the one you were suppost to look up to, wasent there. what if they started changing?
ever since i was little all i wanted to do was follow in your foot steps... i only wanted to be just like you . play piano like you did, walk/ talk like you did, be Christ like you did, but now....?you were so angry at me, so drunk...you hated God, i even thought you hated me, so i did too... then you left me and mama at home not knowing what to do...not knowing where you were, where you went. i hated myself, because my own father hated me! you probably didn't know that, did you... probably didn't know that Ive wanted and to commit suicide ... and i wouldent be here, if my mom and my friends hadent caught me... I NEEDED YOU THEN! .... dad, i needed you to show me that God didnt hate me, that he set me out to be a woman of God. That identity isnt about fitting in, or being so perfect all the time. since i didnt have you in my life i was always fighting for approval because i felt like when you left, you hated me, that i wasent good enough to be called your daughter. i wish i would have known its okay to make mistakes sometimes... i wish i would have known about controlling my anger, and to have respect for my leaders.... i wish i would have known that i could stand up for myself, but i didnt... i didnt know that i was important. important enough to not hurt myself. that i was made for more... so i had to figure that out for myself! after years of hating God and YOu, i had to figure out what a fool i was and that i really didnt have to let people abuse and mock me... that i could havve stopped that! i wish i knew that when i was threatend to be killed, i could have called out for help, i could have told someone.... but you stood back...behind the lines. i thought i lost you...