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My friends,
You are not alone.
They're are people in this world who will
try everything in their power
to get you to stop fighting for what you believe.
people will tell you you can't do it, what you want to achieve.
They will beat you with there're words,
spit on you
Tell you, you're worthless and
not good enough.
But listen to me
forget them
keep their foolish words as far away from your soul as you can.
Remember what the enemy wants.
What evil people want.
Nothing good will ever come from someone who thrives off of others peoples pain.
So forget what they say you can't do!
They can't even achieve happiness.
So throw there words to the depths of the ocean.
When you have fear,
it exposes you
and takes over you
  it controls you and makes you lack hope, IF key word IF you let it.
See perfect love casts out all fear and so that,
is just how we must come back up.
You can't fight negativity with negativity.
That just doesn't work.
So what then?
Fight negativity with goodness and favor.
Reach out to the people around you,
give somebody a hug,
Bless somebody with encouraging words that you haven't before,
Pray for your friends,
Give someone a friendly smile,
Let them know THAT YOU CARE.
And most of all that they're not alone.
And that is how we will achieve perfect peace.
A peace that passes understanding.
Let them know that even right now,
Even in the midst of all this devastation,
Even in the loudest shouting of your crys,
Even in the midst of your hurting when your pain brings your only comfort....
There is still a hope left uncovered.
Beloved, do not linger in your old addictions any longer!
for i know what your capable of!
Your not the lies being whispered into your heart....your addictions killing you, and if you keep going it will soon take over your mind and your heart...
turned you into something your not... How much longer will you say thats your last time?.... i am jelous for you!
come back to me!
everyone has addictions....and if you don't you've had the temptation...i feel like this is true in everyone's lives..
It's a cruel world we treat ourselves like an advertisement.
So caught up in an obsession that leads to death painfully, sadly.
Looking in the mirror watching her body  waste away,
Yet still to her it's getting more, and more beautiful every day.
Yet every day she get sicker,
covering up the hate for herself by Immersing  herself in liquor.
Is this the right thing that we've been teaching the world? To consume our self-hate? To tremble every time we see a title having anything to do with cake? Cringing everytime we think we might be gaining alittle weight? But alittle weight in reality is nothing to everyone else but an idea you created in your head. Constantly you continue to dread the next time you have to face a meal. Caring to much about the way you appeal.
She says she's 100 pounds too heavy.... Being 110 already.
Girl do you hear yourself?
You see a masked and disguised version of the body your confused  minds blinded you to always see.
scratching at anything everything trying to find a hint of self-worth yet leaving empty-handed.
it's a painful addiction promising you a body that's beauriful so pretty, too skinny.
Skipping breakfast like it's nothing. Then sitting before lunch and dinner don't want to feel the pain that so real, So you push the plate away and leave can't stand the thought of gaining another pound.
Running with your fears,
numbers dictate nearly everything you do.
So you restrict and starve.
Losing your hair as fast as your weight.
This is the painful cycle you choose that we all hate.
Your burning.
You consistently battle thoughts, temptations, it takes up all of your time.
They have no idea but they judge anyway.
you wish you were braver but the idea of throwing it all away is too much, to heavy. These excuses you use on this body that you consistently abuse it's crazy this pain is weighing piece by piece.
you tear  yourself apart.
your ribs getting more and more visible, your meat turning into nothing, it's clinical.
As hard as it is, they don't know what you feel and they never will...
It's been 3 months
And I don't even come close to regreting any of it.
You've been so good to me.
You've blessed me beyond measure
And I hope I do the same for you
I never want to loose you
Without you I would only be half of who I could be because with you I am all that I could ever need to be.
I love who you are
I love how you feel
I love how you look
Everything about you is so perfect
You're flawless in my eyes
It's been 4 months.
Everyday, every moment, every second I spend living I grow more and more attached to you then before. Your so amazing in every way.
You know exactly how to touch me how to talk to me so That I don't want to fight the happiness  anymore.. I'm automatically happy whenever I'm with you, and I wouldn't change anything that's happened with us (: meeting you, I never thought id end up caring for you this much but I'm so glad I do <3
Nothing is the same with you,
once you came into my life everything changed.
My perspective, my outlook, my peace, my life, love, everything has changed. And i love it <3
I love seeing you walk into my room, walking around my house knowing where things are, being comfortable, laying in bed, lighting up my world.
Without  you my life wouldn't be the same.
I just gotta say, I'm so glad you came into my world when you did.
You, the one that i adore are my one and only.
Our kind of love is the kind of love that only some are lucky enough to find once in a life time.
They're lover, best friend, they're foundation, YOU. :) <3
You are that one for me.
You deserve the best, i wanna give it to you.
Today is a new day,
Im gonna try my best to make it.
Because right now I don’t feel very STRONG…
Like im dwelling in all this fear
Wrapped up, trapped up in all my WRONG..
Lookin at everyone around me,
These people who know,
When they go HOME,
Its nothing more than two fists and twenty rounds of PATRON….
But for all I know, I cant stop IT,
Except for walk around and do my best to bless others before
Their to discouraged and drop IT..
Cause what better day to do it then today.
Tomorrow is just to late.
for all I know the one on my right
could be contemplating suicide..
whats wrong with me?
why cant i see like you see?
could just a couple of months have done this to me?
am i really that messed up?
everything i see i question..
your so cute...
and your such a good guy, babe.
everything about you seems right.
my parents even like you.
your so respectful and sweet...
but babe...
i said it from the beginning I'm not into catch your feelings.
you know i don't want that.
i wouldn't be good for you..
...Boy, you know id only get you into more trouble than your used too.
"we can make it work ill do anything"
no no no... im sorry
i dont play like that babe.
your making it personal but when we do this to me its only business.
Where is she? where is she when my i despritly reach for her? Emotions toss through my tear covered head. I am abandoned.... i suffer the pain.. fighting the feelings that cry through me. knowing she is not coming back.  am i not important enough? i cant fight the tears that run down my choked up face... she was apart of all that's left is the remains... surrounded by regret what did i do wrong?
the blood
my cuts
the scars....
my withdrawals
this lust
the pills
the spots
the marks he left
these thoughts
my prayers it all reminds me of where i was.
God im so sorry
im so so sorry.
im so in love with you, God..
i know its been awhile.
and im so ashamed
im unworthy at the highest levels.
im so sorry
i never meant to hurt you.
i feel selfish,
i hate myself God
i need you to change me.
break my walls down
the walls of oppression
the ones imprisoning me
the walls of addiction
Lord break my walls down
i love you God i love you God i love you !!!
i need you
Lord i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you!!!!
....God i know im not perfect, i know im not...
but i know with you i am not just somebody
im not just those cuts
or the scars
or the pills i overdosed
or the marks he left
im not "just" anything with you God...
I AM the daughter of the king of the most high..
and God right now i dont feel like that.
but i feel you drawing close God.
i need your forgivness Lord
i love you
i trusted you a little to easily.
and you ******* me over a little to often.
I'm young but I'm wise enough to know that i was used.
i guess i cared a little to much for you i over looked it.
i was battered, to far gone.
you never cared for my feelings...
and i cared to much for yours.
i hope you burn in your stupid choices.
and i hope you never forget those regrets you're forming now cause you don't have me.
I am so done with you.
I'm gone.
you had your chance, but you abused it.
I'm happy to know that those three years i cared for you were all a waste of my ******* time.
Of course you left me learning one thing....
Now because of you i know not to trust so easy.
you loved me cause i gave in so easy.
you only stayed cause you knew you couldn't get anyone better..
i wish i knew going into this, three years ago that this would be hopeless.
that i would end up hurt.
Have you ever walked through your house feeling like a complete stranger,
in between these walls you've walked by over a thousand times?
or felt like an outcast to these day one friends?
ever felt like just a maid to everybody else?
i feel that. **** that.
and ******* for tricking me...bring my hopes up only to through me to the floor.
This life never gets fuller.
Thought I was suppose to grow, trying to look for the good but it only gets duller.
There must be something wrong with me. I can't stand you.. The way you abuse my steps and I meet the floor, how can you?
You hate me for foolish reasons that don't exist. Your words hitting me like a hard brick, they have power, you should know it. Your intentions aren't death but suicides clinging closer to my one last breath.  I feel it slashing deep at my emotions trying to gets taste of my weakness.
I won't give it to them, I wont let them win, I cang give in.
There's always that one person that will always have your heart. Yeah your definitely that one for me.
Do you remember how it used to be?
How we used to stay up till 5 every night just to talk to eachother?
How we would always fantasize about what could be. About the things we wanted to do.
Do you still think about how we used to talk every minute of every day?.... We never ran out of things to say... **** I sure miss you. I still remember the first moment I thought I liked you. Two years ago.... **** babe You took my breath away.
Yes of course there was other guys that got my attention. Mostly ones others would classify them as perfect. But with you it was so much more, There was something about you that I couldn't get off my mind.
Before anyone knew about our mistakes, it was great. I loved everything you use to say. Even if it was about video games or movies it was okay. I didn't care it was still you and that's all that mattered to me.
Yeah we got into some trouble and they found out I thought it was the end I thought you might give up but you didn't. You came right back. You and me we acted like we didn't care we still stayed up late and talked for hours like we used to.
But we got caught again a few months later and  now it's like it all wore off like everything that happened in those two years is lost. We don't talk anymore all those late nights are over... I hate this.
I wish I knew what you thought.
I wish I knew if you still felt the same way.
I still stay up but when I do it's only so I can think of you and what could be...
Just trying to keep myself from calling you.
**** I miss you so bad babe.
To me you were so perfect
It never mattered if circumstances in my life was going wrong cause you made me so happy.
Everything was right a long as you where only looking at me.
I miss you, I miss everything about you.
I like how you made me work for it how it wasn't just was always so real and I never wanted to see us end.
And now no matter what I do something reminds me...
A catch if your sent in the wind my way...
An old txt locked in my phone of something you had said.
A song a show a movie it doesn't matter cause no matter what a thought always brings me back to you.
Even if I'm with another and I'm in his arms I still think of you he coul do everything right but it still wouldn't be you.
With you my heart was there everythig felt so right if only there wasn't that night that they found out maybe you and I would still be talking. If only.....
I would tell you this but if I did there would be no mystery
I am one thing to myself.
to you I'm another....
to the mirror
I am broken reflection.
to my dad,
I'm a visitor.
to guys
I'm just a toy.
to girls
im the one they only want sometimes.
to the church
I am a ****** up teen that's made too many mistakes.
to society
I am the shy one, that shows her self sometimes.
the one always looking for the lost sheep only realizing that i am that lost sheep among many.

where do i find my self in all these tittles?

i was raised here
i watched people come and go seen them grow old here...
I've watched my dad walk away from here.
through the years I've only grown further away.
how come church is where i always feel ashamed.
how come church is where I'm criticized.
on Sunday that's the one day I'm good enough....
then on Tuesday I'm a disappointment.
and I'm only good if i am on the worship team.
**** wheres me?
Is it just me,
or does it seem like church
isn’t really how God wanted it to be?
They like to expect things of me, that I just cant be.
Im trying but this person hidden deep inside of me got me fighting for a lot of me, looking deep inside of me, only alittle hope left, as far as I can see…
And as far as I can see, wearing snap backs, hoop ear rings, and skinny jeans isn’t a public disgrace, humiliation or the sign of a bad reputation
As long as your seeking, searching, looking for his face
You come to church for meditation
You come to God for worship
Even though you think we are coming here with are own vanity purchase .
Im not trying to hate on my own kind
But im not in with these actors called pastors.
Manipulating woman, doing these things behind the stage,
And AFTER THAT singing a solo on WORSHIP?
Whats next?
That’s backwards.
They might as well be sniffing ******* first..
And if that’s God, then I don’t know HIM
I guess im already in my church clothes
There you are... look at you looking at me...
killing it like a mother *****....making me fall for you like a mother *****....
you lock me in chains without touching me.... and you keep me without knowing it...
or do you?
do you know you've stuck me in a emotional cage?...that your playing with my feelings?
do you know i how much i want you mine?
nah i doubt it....
the way you help me out whenever i need you...
the way you get so close to me...
i want to think you do it on purpose...
wish i wasent so clueless
COURAGEOUS ….is a feeling…
only one of our everyday motions
Or is it more?
Is it a figure of speech,
or just a random word picked out of the dictionary….
Is it a thought or just  a subject,
A hiding place or a stand point?
But what if it was more?
More than just a perspective……. OR an objective.
More than a thought.
Instead, a way of living,
A Mere reflection of the spirit LIVING IN…..US
A physical replication of a worldwide SOUND echoing from the very attribute of us being COURAGEOUS
A BRAVE way to dive head first into tragedy  and create an uprising in the many hearts who only seek  to obey the laws of men.
To be a manifesting representation of CHRIST in an unbelievable way that will ARISE  an outburst of PASSION  in the hearts of MANY.
To be courageous is to live everyday as if it was literally your last.
To BE COURAGEOUS is a statement
You fight your battles and raise your weapons..
Only eight, and you throw me across the room, and curse me..
Intoxicated you screamed, and willing you abandoned us..
You chose alcohol over me....
Open my eyes, through the knuckles on his fist I could see the glimpse of my mothers cry.. A little girl who never asked for dolls nor a dress... Just to see
The day when she can see the love of her father through his fist...
Taking a steP she couldn't so she listened and before she could take her shield, his line had been crossed, divorce was heard seemed like through every nation, ******* and your bashing words such as darts...
We all saw.. You drew your sword on many who didn't havE a shield...
I am a leader,
I serve,
A follower of Christ
I make mistakes,
I started rough
I am polished
With cracks,
I survive
With hardships
I WILL stand
When I am cursed,
I WILL rise up, I will fall
Seek guidance
When I don't have the answers,
When others reject Christ
I will dare to believe him,
I will dare to be me...
your so glorious babe.
you're just like a dream to me.
every look my way
every time you touch me
leaves me wanting more every time
you got me marveling about you day and night.
**** this is crazy..
I'm not that type to go out chasing after a guy on the first sight..
but boy the way you got me hooked babe reel me in.
By the way you got me feeling i can tell that there's gonna be more.
Shot babe, theres something so **** about the way you make me work for it
the way neither of us want to fall in love,
we just in for the fun of it.
**** those other guys could never  compare..
they say that company isn't enough cause they wanna fall in love.
yeah but I dont wanna hear that.
I'm just not there yet.
man either that or they say there's no more good woman among many
i guess i tend to think differently.
cause you go behind your girlfriends back with five other girls just using them on the side.
then you  lie and get mad at your girlfriend cause she just found out...
don't get me mistaken babe, im not saying they are all like that
but ****, you guys have a reputation of playing good woman.
so don't blame me if i don't wanna fall in love.
I need to be near you,
dont give your love away.
use it all on me, if you feel the same...
cause boy i know i dont deserve you,
but i cant help but feel this way!
please don't take this lightly..
yes i forgave you but don't think ill forget.
what you did brought tears to my eyes..
what you did made me end what we had..
i pray for your own good you don't use me again
cause if you do don't think I'll sit around and let you.
if you want me in your life put me there but i will not be the one waiting for an opening spot.
please don't take this lightly cause i wont forgive next time.
and i wont forget.
Bolted to her pain.
Everyone sees how deeply she hungers for a break.
She thinks "behave yourself. Don't let nobody in, don't let nobody know what's lingering so intensely inside."
It's a battle to trust seeing through eyes of suspicion.
Having trouble with passion, can't seem to find a relationship that's hopeful cause there's too many people to arrogant to understand what commitment is, and what it really means to love somebody.
She grew up believing the love meant forever,
Then woke up to reality, that love always has a deadline.
She crys,
All I wanna know is will I get through this alive?
Will I get through this left with sanity?
My chest is pounding...
Enough is enough
I'm so tierd of tears falling down to my ears,
so sick of thinking of your smile, and how I used to blush when you looked at me..
No more wishing you were still here..
No more laying in bed Wondering what I did wrong...
it's never the right time to say good bye,
It's killing me to wait cause just can't do it..
But enough is enough...
So this is it...
I'm thinking about the person that you want me to be.
and I'm looking at you now thinking about your reputation.
you speak of hope when the people all remain voiceless.
you speak of love with all these people so broken.
These people are starving for love..
who are we to judge them?
How much longer can we ignore that these people have been robbed of their joy?
We are all searching for a leader to look up too.
something like a God to hang are hardships and pain on...
But they cant find a leader so they look to the media telling them its ***, drugs, and money that give you identity.
where are we Christians in all this?
where are you messengers of hope in all this?
i heard that tomorrows not promised today..
what if i died tomorrow?
what would the people have to say?
what would i be leaving with?
i don't want no regrets no
i don't want no regrets.
Everywhere i walk, everywhere i go, someones been told...
They think they know me down to the very creases in my skin...
Because they know one thing....
They think they know my goals, my passions,
they think they know my pain...
You dont!
My whole life ive been living for everyone else,
im loosing myself..
ive let you treat me like ****!...
you mock me...
yet you say you love me..
All this fake "trust" that sill stands unceased...
All never go back...
Because youll never understand.
The chill of the stabbing wind chips my skin..
The colors of the leaves only draw my eyes farther and farther into
the depths of every crease in the trees:)
I walk the rocky seashore
and play with the splashing water
with my toes and
the salty water refreshes me.
I love FALL:)
I don't want to be another **** being tossed in the wind, yet I watch for the harsh winded souled to join... It's my loss, but I'm tricked to think that I have gained triumph, once again I fall into there traps, not knowing that while I was beig brain washed by alcohol, I was being taken over by dark spirits... So now I weakly crawl back to the father barley catching my breath, knowing I'm covered with shame such like a blanket threaded with lose... But once again he welcomes me back in to his loving arms.... To someone once fallen and captured..
you and me....we were so close
father like daughter, the bestest of friends.
you were my savior, you taught me about Jesus, you used to read me the bible every night to me..
you deliverd me to Christ and prayed the prayer of salvation with me, and i was saved.
but see then you stopped coming home, and when you did, you were always drunk!
hitting my mom, pushing me around. i guess things got a little to heavy for you...
see, i wish i knew it was alchohal, i wish i knew that wasent my daddy, that would hurt me... but i didnt!
so i hide from you, under my bed, clenching on to my blanky cause you and mama were screaming...always fighting.
i didnt know what to do!!
what happens when the one you were suppost to look up to, wasent there. what if they started changing?
ever  since i was little all i wanted to do was follow in your foot steps... i only wanted to be just like you . play piano like you did, walk/ talk like you did, be Christ like you did, but now....?you were so angry at me, so hated God, i even thought you hated me, so i did too... then you left me and mama at home not knowing what to do...not knowing where you were, where you went. i hated myself, because my own father hated me! you probably didn't know that, did you... probably didn't know that Ive wanted and to commit suicide ... and i wouldent be here, if my mom and my friends hadent caught me... I NEEDED YOU THEN! .... dad, i needed you to show me that God didnt hate me, that he set me out to be a woman of God. That identity isnt about fitting in, or being so perfect all the time. since i didnt have you in my life i was always fighting for approval because i felt like when you left, you hated me, that i wasent good enough to be called your daughter. i wish i would have known its okay to make mistakes sometimes... i wish i would have known about controlling my anger, and to have respect for my leaders.... i wish i would have known that i could stand up for myself, but i didnt... i didnt know that i was important. important enough to not hurt myself. that i was made for more... so i had to figure that out for myself! after years of hating God and YOu, i had to figure out what a fool i was and that i really didnt have to let people abuse and mock me... that i could havve stopped that! i wish i knew that when i was  threatend to be killed, i could have called out for help, i could have told someone.... but you stood back...behind the lines. i thought i lost you...
..Even though it seems as though hardships block my sight, you take me above my circumstances. Father, you send comfort my way when times seem to be clouded by pain...and now i know that fear has no place in my heart...perfect love drives out all fear..i strive to have a heart of expectancy, that you will provide, because you always do. your such a faithful GOD.
..Even though it seems as though hardships block my sight, you take me above my circumstances. Father, you send comfort my way when times seem to be clouded by pain...and now i know that fear has no place in my heart...perfect love drives out all fear..i strive to have a heart of expectancy, that you will provide, because you always do. your such a faithful GOD.
Youve changed so much.
Is that even you?
Should i even ask you?
You are mad at things I can't even comprehend.
I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I'm sorry that I'm not ALWAYS gonna be there for you... I try too.
You search in me as if your trying to find fault...
Trust me if your looking for faults you WILL find them in me.
God your such a *****...
Before you judge me put a mirror to your own soul and look at your own faults be for you start looking at mine.
Has it ever come to you that maybe your not all that perfect either?
*******.. At least I'm trying....
I care about you... WITH EVERY **** PART OF ME I AM FOR YOU.!!!!!
I've done everything I'm possibly capable of doing just to make YOU happy !!!
An I'd do anything for you
But this??!!
I just can't take it anymore...
I just can't....
So I guess that's it...
I guess it's over for us...
That's fine.
But remember I ONCE GAVE A **** ABOUT YOU when NO ONE else did so I hope your happy you little *****...******* and have a good ******* life.
God I just wanna know you.
You say you know me by name,
Well I wanna know you by name.
Lord what will it take to know you like your own son knows you?
I just want to fall in love with you God.
Just to dance for you
Just to sing for you
I would want nothing else God.
Nothing else... Cause your all that gratifys.
I wanna speak like you speak.
And have the faith that you had to heal so many hearts, God I want that.
You brought a dead body back to life countless times.... And if you live in me, doesn't that mean I have that?
If you were heaven on earth and you're in me doesn't that mean You are  heaven on earth  going through me?
Ihave such a longing and passion to just dwell in you just to romance you lord. I would be forever satisfied.
Be my all consuming fire.
I don't want you just sometimes
I don't want you just tommarrow
Or just today
I want you in every minute of every hour because Lord you define me.
You give me an identity that is longer than temporary.
Romance me God.
Show me you're deepests passion
Lord I just wanna know you.
I would be forever satisfied.
Broken friendships
and lifted hearts.
been around me from the very start.
this is nothing new,
but im gonna smile cause i deserve to.
even if along the way tears come
and i find deep down i got to cry too..
this is life and tonight
is the night where i decide
things are gonna be different...
in my life.
whatever that may mean,
im gonna do it
and to you
i will prove it.
through the hard times
i know,
God can do great and amazing things.
that HE is a God who dives head first into
tragedy and devastation WILLINGLY to rescue me...
That He can pull YOU out of the addictions and stand by you through the hurt and the pain...
and to turn you into something beautiful
i am a living testimony of that.
even though things are hard right now...
im gonna smile cause i deserve to.
You're so predictable..
If you want me in your life,
put me their but I am not the type to stick around and fight for a spot...
You can push me away but, Just remember
I gave a **** when no one else did.
If I didn't care I wouldn't have stuck around this long.
If you were me wouldn't you do the same?!
I'd rather be alone than be with you who always makes me FEEL alone.
I'm tired of you accepting me at my strongest
but turning your face away from me when I'm at my weakest...
****... The hardest thing in life is giving up someone close to you.. Someone you thought actually gave a **** about you
But I won't stick around waiting for you to start caring about me.
I have other people to turn to I will be fine dad don't worry about me.. Not that you would have anyway.
And her... Yeah that mother ******* ***** you're with, she can forget about me too. I'm sure it won't be too hard for her.
Don't expect respect from me if you don't intend on giving it. Because that's ******* and I won't take it.
**** you really can't trust anyone anymore and I'm done trying to.
Yeah I'm giving up on you but just remember I've tried for 8 ******* years...
So if you plan on giving up on something......
Remember why you held on for so long.
Goodbye dad.
Clenching my fist
And biting down on my teeth
Wont ease the pain..
Not even the tears i cry for everythought of regret
Wont ease the guilt and amount of regret
I hold within me
All those nights staying up late talking sinfully to you
As you would say things back
I didn't want to let you go but I'm glad I did
I'm glad she caught me...
And I'm glad it's over...
That it stopped
It was so long ago but
What Brandon said hit dug deep into it all
Those sins I have committed... Guilt can't cover up.
And nothing ever will.
But knowing that I am forgiven by god,
Is the most born again fresh start feeling
And it's the most painful.
Because I don't deserve his love
Yet he shows it
And this sin I deserve to be burned for
Yet he took my pain and nailed it on the cross
So I don't have to drowned in regret...
The devil loves to pester me with guilt of it all
But I'm glad it's over
I'm glad it's stopped..
No matter how many times I get on my knees
No matter how many times I try to stop killing myself over it
It does not ease th pain
Lord forgive me
She's beautiful.
Surrounded by angels.
She works hard for her money,
With a beautiful baby boy to come home too every night she does her best to be a great mother.
Covered In tattoos and piercings.
Just cause she looks different then you,
you don't know her, but you judge her?
And that's suppose to make you better?
Oh yeah cause that makes sense.
She's Angelic.
God made her who she is
Yet you look at her and hate her because she's too loud for you.
Her laughs a little weird, her smiles crooked and she wears too much make up.
Look at yourself!
You despise someone LITERALLY JUST, because she acts far from the way you would.
Do you hear yourself?
If you could make everyone just like you, you probably would.
I hate the way you think.
I hate how you can just pick people out just like you and me and reach this decision  of whether you like them or not.
You're fake, fabricated and a phony.
Haven't you ever been hurt before!
Maybe if you really knew these people you'd think differently.
My love,
Your my heart, my life, my song,
and I can't stand it
The profound beauty of your whole being is such a temptation like a rolling wave trying to sweep me in, I try my best to resist..
My thoughts drive me crazy when I find myself not being able to stop thinking about you,
Imagining us laughing and then falling into eachothers arms and being able to feel the smile in between eachothers lips as we kiss....
The part I hate is, that you don't love me back... You adore the thought of me, but you don't
love me.....
So I hate that I love you.... I can't Stand it, you know exactly how to touch to keep me staying for another hour more,
If only your heart was engraved in mine babe, as mine was in yours,
I hate that I love you......
My stomechs locked in a nerves knot,
..constant anxiety, never ceases
Take all you wont and desire from me, but im doing the right thing,
runnaway if you must. my heart will stay near to watch over you.
As you reflect deep into your heart, if you can find ONE good thought about me in your cold, depressed heart,
then please hear me out this once,
smiling, i love you... i will care about you always,
weeping, i miss you...but your gone..
i dream about the times,
we could have had if all my life, i hadent only pushed you away and fed rejection down your throat...
forgive me...if you are listening..forgive me
through my tears i tell  him i dont know if i can do this....
i dont know if i will make it!
i cant do what they expect of me
calmly he sits by me with his hand on my shoulder and tells me
YOUR FREE! grace your free!
you dont have to let the chains that are weighing on you hold you down.
let them fall to the floor.
stop worrying about not measuring up.
your living in fear, letting it rob you of your joy.
take the steps its gonna take to graduate but kick fear and doubt out there door. god with the outcome of your life ,
meaning believe and have faith when you cant see around the corner.

he told me god has a plan for my life
he told me i can go after my dreams and i will live them out
he told me i have a beautiful heart
he told me he was proud of me...
and that was all i needed
again not really poetry ... more just scatterd thoughts(:
Depressed, she sit in front of her cracked mirror, putting on her disquise...
She crys behind a hopless smile, thats hoped to hide her insecurity, but only reveals the hurt thats bottled up inside her forgotten heart. On her way to her corner she weeps. Because shes forced to sell her self to get her mom money for drugs that brings abuse to her bruises. ...Critisism follows her wherever she goes. shes been belittled and told shes worthless her whole ife.....Longs to be accsepted by someone whose not just intrested on her buy.. shes been pushed aside and called trash for to long... who will believe in her? who will carry the weight on her shoulders, tthats been pulling her deeper and deeper into the hell that shes living in...
is preparing a people,
who will dare to believe Him when it seems  as though darkness has its grip on you..
when you wake up and feel like giving up, because you cant remember who you are any more..
When darkness rises up in the hearts of many around you and  the people close to you are consistent with hanging chains of ******* on your life, creating burdens....
when struggles are pressing into you,
when all you do is  linger in the idea of leaning on your own understanding...
Turn your heart towards God once again and let his astounding love anoint your whole being
without leaving one inch behind..
In my deepest moments
i can feel the fear rushing in
i can feel my pain is rising up
i can feel my doubt
coming in faster than ever
and i can feel the weight
of all the words holding me up
by my throat
Giving me no room to breath
and i can feel the hope
leaving me!
these things that used to make me happy
are the only reason for these tears....
yes, i know how it feels
when youve dug yourself so deep
in regret that you cant see....
.... the joy thats been stripped from your life.....
and see
its only harder when
you dont even listen to .....
a word i say
it doesent make it easier
when you dont EVEN KNOW WHO I AM...
but when i finally hit my limits
i realize,
that theres a hope beyond
this... crazy pain.
that even in the mist
of your devastation
even in the depths
of your pain,
EVEN in the middle
of your fear,
even in the loneliness of your past,
in the loudest
shouting of your crys
in the times
when your pain......
brings your only comfort
...there is yet a hope left uncoverd
You were my everything.
Everything that is  now nothing.
You were my every minute in every hour and I wanted to spend it all with you.
All of it just to be near you.
You were the "L" to my "ove"
The light to my sky
The diomond to my ring the voice that I sing
And I lost you...
All because of some stupid mistakes.
Some stupid mistakes that caused us to part are ways an now we don't even speak... Anymore.
The only word I SPEAK anymore is lonelyness and longing..
Longing for you to even care alittle bit.
Just enough to even look me in the eyes.
Just enough to remember how you and me used to be.
And I know you remember.
Because no matter how hard you try you can't erase me.
In every woman that you sleep with you'll remember me because you'll remember where I am suppost to be.
In every memory that you make I know you remember ours because you can't forget me.
I was your one and only
And you were and stil are all of mine.
Because you are my everything.
I used to say alittle time is all it takes.
Just a few nights with the girls is all I need.
But I still cry everytime I look in the mirror an only see me....
That empty space is where YOU are suppost to BE.
....but your not here and I'm here just trying to cover up all these tears from falling any closer to my chest making sure my parents don't hear because I want to look my best...
I know it's gotta be killing you because it's killing me.
If only it was. But it's not.
I hate that I love you.
I hate that every time I think, a thought always brings me back to you.
I hate that every time I dream your in it
Every time I make a memory you're not in it.
And everytime I want anything to do with you I can't be in it....
*******... Hopeless relationships.
.... playing with the same notes
over and over.....
run out its over used...
  its dry and cracking..
piercing my skin...
i heard someones foot steps following my shadow
turned and looked over my shoulder
....hoping it was you,
hating that it wasent.
if you were hear you would understand..
you would stick up for me....
....i know you would
i'm a mess
i thought i was strong enough
the moment you walked out of my life
i acted like nothing was hurting
but that's just me trying to get over you
but now
i don't want to live without you
i cant survive one more day
I dance through the once so solid brick,
i twirl around the weeping willows that chase my skin,
My finger tips graze the tops of the daises as i ponder the abundant blue sky,
I dance because i am FREE
I run far away from the clawing thorns and dance towards the Lilly's.
Running as the wind washes me like a clear river in the spring...
I am FREE to dance!
Foolish eye contact... its consistant.
over and over.
exactly why i shouldent have come here..
looking into his big blue eyes, i cant help myself, hes playing with my emotions,
with those cute things he just has to say...
is this how i know your the one?
..when i cant get over you..or is this how i know its over?
no matter how hard i try i cant sat i don't love you...
most lickley since i love you more than words can describe...more than any money can buy...
i still need you..why is that?
You see through my foolish pride,
And you save me in the mist of my troubles,
You rescued me of things i should be burned with..
But you took my sin and hung it on the cross,
you drank my cup, and you sufferd...i dont deserve your grace...
i dont deserve your grace...
everything about you makes me feel so close to you..
but everything about reality keeps us so separated.
you make my life a dream,
if only life was a dream..
but if i could have you i wouldn't take one moment for granite.
if i could have you i would  always show you off.
if i could have you you'd think you where perfect cause i would never stop reminding you.
but the fact is...
there's too much keeping us apart.
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