Between the houses, a slim gap,
Allowing a ***** of low sunlight through.
Harsh beams gleaming in
Thick air dripping with ice
A small field breaks the monotony
Of white terraces and ageing fences
And a streak of yellow glances off
The semi-frozen blades.

Here, in truth, we're found
Unified upon this common ground
Divided hearts held together
Secured by jagged edges.

Here, in hope, we're loved
Wrapped in scarves and gloves
By an over-fussy mother
Determined to keep us warm.

Here, in strength, we stand
Arm in arm, hand in hand
And we know we cannot fall
We are: One for All

Where can words reach?
How many ears will hear what I say?
How many eyes will see what I write?
Will they understand what I mean?
Or see no further than the words on the screen?
Can my humble words strike a chord?
Reach a key note in their heart?
How deep can words made for me be for them?
Does it matter?
Maybe I should just write,
Call them poems or ramblings,
I'll write anyway,
For me,
In the hope they'll mean something,
For you.

The dark is leaving,
Sunrise is here,
Time to sleep.

No!

I will never allow the dark
To outshine the light!
Not again.

When shadows were my candles,
My eyelids my comfort,
The night my day,
It only took time,
For my blood to become my tears,
And hope for death to become my life,
But no more!

Never again.

Light has returned,
Sunrise is here,
Time to wake.

In one day perhaps
All is changed
A renewal of hope
Meets with mixed mind
A confusion within
Becomes confusion without
Limits to hold back
But maybe there
Is nothing to hold
From view
But the shadow
They already see

The night holds terrifying things,
Shadows in shadows,
Sounds with no source,
Not knowing so much worse.
But the night has a beauty,
Found in the absence of colour,
Eyes drawn to different angles,
Different shapes,
Never noticed before,
Reflections never seen,
Except in moonlight,
Dotted with blurred stars.
There's something about stepping forward,
And not quite knowing,
Where your foot will fall,
Or if it will at all,
An excitement?
Fear, certainly, but enough,
Confidence to keep,
Walking through dark.

The winds tonight are screeching
As they scream past the pane
And I close my eyes to grip my wrist
And hide my face away

The dark tonight is closing
As its shadows fill my mind
And I whisper hateful nothings
To freeze my seized up spine

The breaths tonight are shallow
And grate against my ear
While the metal claws grip me
And satisfy my fear

Mesmerise, Memorise,
Broken eyes staring at me.
Tenderise, Slenderise,
My own eyes always hate me
Looking back, Reflecting back
The venom that runs on my skin.

These tears belong to me
You can’t take them from me yet
If I’m scratching at my skin
Then pain is what I get
Don’t cheat me out of hurting
Don’t save me from consequence
I made my own mistakes
So I’ll pay for my own scrapes

Fade  me away,
Out of sight,
At least to me,
For just a while.

What can be found in the intricacies,
Of this organic design?
How many lives yet unborn,
Will know its rocky core?
How often will unknowing feet,
Walk the corridors?
How soon will memories fade,
Of where we used to live?
How far will we stray,
From autumn leaves?
Will the seasons live on,
Even now, when we are gone?
Will I find hope here?
Or just another life to lose?

My pencil,
Shakes,
And makes tentative contact,
With ageing paper,
To create,
Reveal,
A figure who slowly,
Becomes fully formed,
Gains character,
Then takes control,
And bestows life upon itself,
Becomes real,
Unique,
And more than just,
The rough strokes,
On a flat page.

Seeing in my reflection,
Someone I don't know,
I used to see them everyday -
But that was long ago.

The sadness in his face,
Is matched by only sighs,
And the heavy will to keep on,
With weary, tiring eyes.

They grew within our ranks
Nurtured into strength
Turned traitor
Biting back
Chaining me to their ideals

They maimed my skin
Their strikes precise
Piercing pain,
Digging deep
To bleed my heart dry

The air filled with smoke
Choking my lungs
Aching arteries,
Poison pumped
To steal my breaths

The barrel pressed against my skull
******* on the trigger
Trip twitch,
Fated fuse
And they'd destroy me:

Their home,
Their Earth.

I am an author, except
My plotlines are mostly inept,
I have lots of sparks,
But no story arcs,
So poetry's where they are kept.

Letters, numbers, a list on a page
Absolutes that will not change,
These lines and dots are my future days,
Defined by database.

My stress, my fear, my falling apart,
My dedication to love and art,
My panicked tears, my shaky start,
My transcripted heart.

How could lives be no more than words?
How could a soul's journey be of no worth?
Can truth so complex have simple birth?
Build a binary world.

There was once a tale of a girl in her coat,
Who ran with the stars in the sky,
You'd only see her if you'd lost all hope,
And had no reason why,
She'd find you in the darkness and tell you where she'd been,
Then tell of how she used to be a little boy who sinned.

It was often said the tale of the girl in the coat,
Was made up and false,
But many swore they's seen her ghost,
When all their doors were closed,
They say she finds you in the depths of your despair,
To tell you where she'd been and how long it took to grow her hair.

Now many years have passed and the tale of the girl in the coat,
Has somehow died,
The say it's because she could never cope,
No matter how hard she tried,
But if you look in the dark when you're lost she'll still find you,
To tell you where she'd been and tell you what you ought to do.

Yes, we believe even now,
Just one defeat will not tear this movement down,
Perhaps it's the drink in our blood,
But we stand unafraid.

Yes, we keep on even so,
Rewriting all the rules, change all that we know,
Fill the streets with all the people on their feet,
And we'll remain.

And we'll rise with the colours and love in our hearts
Beating fast, beating clear,
And we'll stand hand in hand, arm in arm and we'll shout out the truth:
We won't let hate near,
And we'll dream of a world we long to see,
We believe we can let in the hope,
Let out the fear.

Now we gather ourselves,
Prepare for the night,
We won't fall to the dark,
We will bask in the light,
Even now, we're growing stronger with each simple breath in our lungs,
We stand true, we stand and fight.

Don't write themselves,
But I'm not going to write them for you.

For the first time in so long
The notes spelled a smile as they flew
Through my fingers to the keys
And the chords I hardly knew.

For the last time in as long as I can
The blade's glint is locked away
And left untouched as the empty nights
Skulk and slip away.

And another time for longer
I will see and feel like spring
And the warmth and life and subtle breeze
Will lift my heart within.

And here I find myself again
In early hours of morning dew,
Drizzle, showers, spats of rain,
An unsteady beat to match my strides
And could the mist replace the hours lost?
Hours spent with no purpose
But for avoiding dreams

Yes here my heart finds comfort, peace
Amidst the overgrown and dying
Besides the flowing of a manmade stream
I see beauty in the leaves
Not perfect no but intricate
Refined
Each put in place for some purpose
To stimulate the mind

And like some pointless explorer I make my way between undergrowth
Twisting and stretching away from nettles
But caring little if I'm stung
Each tree I recognise as a friend
And logs as fallen graves
Each bird sings of a new day
And a new song
And the hope
Such hope
Remains.

All laid out,
A shirt, a cardigan, a pair of jeans.
It's all been sorted,
The name, an explanation, a key.
Everything is ready,
Except me.

I was ready,
I planned for months, far too often.
I've waited so long,
Hoping for this day, and now it's here.
Everything is ready,
Except me.

I know it's fine,
Nothing will go wrong, I'm sure of it.
But still the doubt,
The fear never leaves, what if they hate?
Everything is ready,
Except me.

My arms shake,
Not cold, not shocked, paranoid.
But I close my eyes,
Breathe deep, empty my mind, and hear:
"Everything is ready,
Are you?"

Yes. It's time.

If there could be a clearer, more perfect breath than this
I would know it only through your lips
And though your whispers may not be pure
They cleanse a bleeding soul of past regret.

Could fear or failure keep me safer than this?
An edge, a line, not to stumble across
For I run from both into your arms but still
Arrive back here again.

Contract, control, constrict the air is freezing
Deter, dement, deny my lungs from breathing
Fragile, freaking,
Phantom feeling, stealing
Souls from carcasses.

Shadows stalk a pilgrim
Through the dark I can't see
Their screams are invisible
My ears still bleed
Claws in my spine
Nails in my eyes
Dark is liberty

Am I worth keeping
Alive more than some other
Broken-hearted soul?

I wonder if they remember, amongst the streams of faces,
The ones that return again.
Do they do their job alone or accompany themselves
With the stories of those they serve
Perhaps they see the bad days and smile a little more
To take the edge off the pain
Do they see it turn around, the new starts and hopes of each
Or maybe they don't notice that another set of eyes, another order has with it, a life.

I'd missed you, I knew,
But my eyes wasted no time,
In reminding themselves how to
Marvel at you,
And my hands,
Remembered how to long for you,
And the warmth in your palms.

In front of me, again, the beauty who never saw,
Her own precious nature,
Whose laugh blocked out all thoughts,
Of panic, or sense of
time and deadlines,
Instead wishing only to hear her voice,
And her joy between her tears.

There you were,
Unreachable,
Yet held tight,
An angel of the night,
Who never wanted the light,
But I just couldn't let you go.

He walks in,
First word in your head,
Judges immediately,
Based on what?
Some predetermined law?
The assumption that,
As you have been taught,
What he looks like is,
What she feels like is,
Wrong.
Maybe the way she walks,
Or how she smiles,
Casts doubts,
But you ignore,
All you see is him.
Please,
Look for her.

He's smiling,
But inside he's crying,
He's strong,
But inside he's dying,
He's laughing,
But inside he's shaking,
He's dancing,
But inside he's aching.

Then suddenly,
He's not lying anymore.

He's shouting,
Because inside she's angry,
He's standing up,
Because inside she's not afraid,
He's growing his hair,
Because inside she wants to be her sometimes,
He's ignoring them,
Because inside she knows if they can't accept her and him their words don't matter.

From the outside,
Everything seems worse,
Because he was hiding it all,
But now she is free,
He's recovering.

Stand together,
Sing a song,
Love's forever,
Hate is wrong.
Be the difference,
Make the change,
When night is falling,
We won't fade.
Keep on smiling,
Spirits high,
Keep believing,
Now's the time,
To speak our words,
Say our mind,
For one, for all,
For all mankind.

Did those stones remember
Those words we spoke
As had been spoken
Centuries before

Did the soil recall
The footprints of those
Who made the journey here
Centuries before

Did we think then
The same thoughts
As the radicals who met
Centuries before

To whom I owe so much

Mind empty,
Days behind,
And still no spark,
No flame.

Blank paper,
Ripped out,
And thrown as I,
Start to go insane.

And the words,
Jumble in my head they
all stretch and
break
and fall to place
round way wrong.

An image flashes,
For just an instant,
But I cannot capture it,
It's gone.

Waiting once more
The sun just awake
And bouncing off electric wires
Coated in night's rain

The time is drawing nearer
In this town so far from home
Never been before but leaving soon
I am completed to roam

So run away I must
As the whistling hiss nears
I abandon the foreign town
For the sake of future years

Beneath the Earth we’re outnumbered by dead
Who’ve run out of voices to go to their heads
And the blood in their veins flow in our hearts instead
To keep our children fed.

A generation has fallen to pain
A broken species can’t keep itself away
But we keep on running though we can’t find our way
To build on yesterday.

But it’s no good blaming undertones
For a foreground that’s broken in half
It’s no use blaming understones
For our failure to make a new start
The dead aren’t just dead
They’re holding us to account
Their skeletal fingers are there in our hands
And they demand to know
Why we sacrificed their understones

Their bones are rotting
But we keep breathing
And ghosts keep pulling us down
Their eyes are gone
But still they see
Us cursing their graves - it was our fault anyway

Now we stare in awe
Marveling at specks of dust
That met in the black

Sometimes I wonder
If I have stolen life from the world,
If my existence has a purpose
Or if it simply grinds against
The ever-turning gears of time,
Resisting the absolute certainty -
The inescapable reality that all
Must end,
Everything will fall apart,
And all I'm doing,
Is watching half a gasp
Of life's refusal to die.

From far away,
Beauty becomes,
Greater than itself,
It glares, grows,
Screams stronger,
Catching, capturing,
Your eyes until,
They are no longer yours,
Only ever seeing,
Her.

Many years have passed
A host of dark dark nights
She was falling into despair
Cause she couldn't be
Who she wanted to be
And she was too scared to grow her hair
And as time went  by
She lived her lie
And learned to lock her feelings away
She was afraid and lost
Asking God
To take all her pain.

And he said:
"My child, you know I love you."
"You know I don't want you to fall apart."

He said:
"My child, I am with you."
"And I gave you the love in your heart."

He said:
"Daughter, my daughter."
"Your life is a work of art."
"So let them see."

Look in my eyes,
What do you see?
Come on, behind the lies,
Lies the true me.
Is there something in my gaze?
A haze, a dreaming
Just a teenager staring at space?
No! I'm screaming!
Don't you hear the cries
Rattling in my mind?
I'm helpless and hopeless
And lost - but defined and
Undermined by my own fear,
Holding hate near,
I want to rip off these clothes,
And shout "Yes! I am here!"
But I can't do that,
Can't let them see my faulty genes,
See these jeans and coats
Keep my mind off the fact
That every day I'm living,
I'm living like I act,
A part to play,
A play to show,
A show to stop
Me having to stand out,
For so long I fell foul
For so long it felt wrong
And now these howls
Of pain feel like a swan song
I'm falling, fallen, faded
Forgotten who I am
But when the spotlight turns off -

Breathe.
Sigh.

Hinted tears shining
Shimmering past all deceit
To cry out for help

Yellow joy,
Wrapped in holly green excitement.

Lavender hugs,
Wrapped in berry red love.

Blue tears,
Wrapped in black fear,
And thrown away,
For a while.

Thirteen to four: Losing score.
We were going to take the world by storm.
She was an angel living in hell -
How high she took me, how far I fell.

I have to blame someone, otherwise it's all my fault.

Everybody lies - no exceptions,
Everybody talks behind your back,
Everybody leaves you in the end with your foot in the trap.

Life may be strange, but life's unfair,
And I can't even breathe through the smoke in the air.
To many "Oh wells", not enough care.

Just take me through,
Take me with you,
To the darkest depths of a black circle on my wall.

Don't leave me here,
Surrounded by fear,
All I can do is draw one more black circle on my wall:
One more lie.

Let's go back in time.

The steady click of a pen
Punctuates the drone of
A teacher who thinks she gets us but
Loses our interest and focus until
We realise we don't understand because
We were too busy clicking our pens and
Writing poems.

The skin burns up around my lips,
Nagging at my fingers,
Like the hairs on my chin are being
replaced
with needles ramming into my skin
through muscle to the bone
with no pause or thought
and setting fire to the collagen
that holds my jaw together.
Until my head is crumbling and I'm
trying to rip out the spikes
that aren't there and weren't
ever
but still scream into my skull
"Give up!"

Dust floats in my breath,
Reflecting in moonlight,
Which breaks through,
My windows,
That river of dreams,
Floats unaware,
Above my still open eyes,
Until whispered,
Away.

Legs
     shaking
            down
                  uneven
              spirals
          Hands
   gripping
coarse
     rope
          Feet
               searching
             for
purchase
           Eyes
             looking
                       for
                 their
           marks
    Rushing
when
    found
        security
            Hoping
          to
   reach
safety
      It's
         not
            much
       further
    to
leave
    that
       cave
             of
               descent.

Rain soaked windows
drag a hand the world,
stretching, distorting,
long ripples curl
as if in a wake,
the houses obscured
and tree branches fluid
their currents disturbed
everything altered
and painted with grey
as oil paints run
from the sky down a pane.

Turn around,
And you'll see someone
More lost than you,
With less hope,
Less chances,
Less belief.

That's not a victory.
That's what we fight:

Not a nation,
Nor a religion,
Nor an ideology,
Not even terror.
We fight suffering.

And we fight with words
Designed to drill
Deep into your minds
To constantly remind you
Of what you'd rather ignore:
The person stood behind you,
Who needs you to turn around.

Breathing slow
Eyes closed
A second
Of silence
And softness
Left to dream
In the night

It is a comforting moment, when someone speaks with the voice in your head.
When another human being has complete, pure empathy,
To the point that they could be speaking from your notes.
To hear another not only agree but inhabit your view of life,
When anyone else would be afraid to take that place,
To know that these words are yours too -
How could any connection compare to that?
In that gilded moment when your voice is borrowed,
And used to perform miracles.

Time could pass,
Between my footsteps,
Eternities in each pace,
Before I'd realise.

The sky could dim,
And glow and dim,
And glow thousand times,
Before I'd look up.

Waters of ages could fall,
Or rise to meet my breaths,
And carve the path before me,
Before I'd blink.

But if I stopped,
I'd see.