But if you let his lips touch yours
My dear it will be beautiful
You'll feel heaven like never before
Butterflies in your stomach

You'll be dancing my darling
The world will look beautiful
He will say the sweetest things
That will melt your soul

But one day, sweetheart
It isn't going to be the same
One day it'll cease to be there
You will taste blood in your mouth

Bitterness in every smile you see
Because of the pain you can't
See pass, you saw that you
You used to smile like that too

And now
You don't know how
To make it through another day.
Every day is living hell

The picture of him
On your table
Because
You still love him.
Even if he broke you
Into a million pieces

You still believe
He will change
He will come back
You keep hoping
And it kills you

Let your word
Not be wasted
In the ears of stubborn

      Let your silence
      Silence  the noise
       Of ignorance and negativity.

       hold silence
       Is to be at peace with  yourself
       Know the worth of your word

      Trust the process
      Stay in faith
      create the future you ought to have

      And where you ought
      To be.

I will miss you
Oh, I will miss you so
a longing I feel now
even with you so close

alas I will look back
with sadness and joy
reminiscing how you
after an eternity
made me feel
alive
once again.

for that, I am grateful
and for that,
I will miss you.

the warmth in my heart glows from the centre
the centre so radiant and full expands to all my chest
oh my dear sweet love, oh how I melt so
my darling, you are my centre, my middle, my heart

chocolate skin tender and tough
bristly cheeks unafraid to show lines of joy
light that reflects specs of diamonds in your eyes
I shed tears imagining your loving glance

providing a home through sweat and blood
shelter for a body is simple to what you have outdone
given my soul, my heart and my body in wholeness
accepted into a home so sweet I pray to stay

through my angered flashes and words
through my impatient huffs and tensed hours
not once have you shown an inch of tire
only flowing kindness through your sweet supple lips

I will be blessed to be able
to spend a lifetime exploring your heart
such a beautiful mind he encases
in a tender warm face
I wish to hold for all my days
Hair fine and dark I wish to stroke
give all my love to this man
who is an angel in disguise
oh my dear, dear protector
How I love you so.

my dear, sweet man
how I love you so.

I’m trying to hold on
I really am
So much effort into it
But where is it all going
I’m tired, so tired

It’s funny how easily
I can fake a smile that
Everyone believes
Funny, a word I
Like to use instead
Of sad

Once again, well aware
That all of this makes no sense
So much to be thankful for
Others, hell I, envied being here
So tell me why is this unending
Darkness consuming me

I’m fighting it, I truly am
But I am tired, so tired
Of feeling this empty
Can I just let the night
Wash over me, till I
Cease to be

A cowardices crutch they say
The urge to flee, run away
Another venue, the same sorrow
This rabbit is tired of her burrow

Dear lord Please
Let me know
When its finally
Time to go.

Maybe then I’ll get to see
You again in heaven
Or maybe I won’t
Who knows

I want to believe that
You’re right here with me
That you’ve always been
You just feel a little distant lately

Maybe I’m just holding on to you
Because maybe you’re the only one
Who could ever love a broken soul like me
Is it so wrong that I want to give up
Just so that I can be with you again?

I need you
I miss you so much
I feel so alone in this world
I’m losing my mind
I need you
I’m not as strong as you said I was
I need you

To everyone else I am just a stranger.
To you, I am your daughter.

I'm trying to find the right metaphor for the storm
but I ended up mumbling your name.
I can hear your bones break like thunder.
I can hear your cries against my windowpane,
thousands of miles from where you are.

You never thought I would stop running but I did.
I still remember the day when you beg my heart to settle down.
I still remember our little dance in the terrace,
two young people in the night,
experiencing forever in twelve hours.

You were the reason why I feel sad over the sound
of singing crickets and heartbeats.
You were the reason why I stop leaving things unfinished.

A friend called and told me how you're doing.
I wonder if your scars still hurt when it rains.
I want to cover your shoulder with words and moonlight until it softens.
Until you stop putting your hand on your chest at 2AM to keep it from howling.

I don't remember what type of storm you are anymore,
But I still remember you when it rains.

who are you
what on earth are you doing
doesn't he love me?
am i that desperate for love?
do i need it?

maybe i am too hollow for this
it will hurt to leave him
it will hurt very much
but I need to salvage my self-respect
he did not take it away from me
but i am letting it

why
why am i doing this to myself
why am i doing this
you are just
trusting everything he is saying
but how much do you know is the truth
you are
letting your guard down
lower and lower each time and now
have only so much left you
have concealed
what if once he has seen it all
he leaves you open, scarred
vulnerable.
he loses nothing

you are bare, hurt and betrayed
once again
can you really bear the pain
i dont like to be put down
yet he is so real with me
is that not good
to gain feedback criticism and learning
at the expense of what
i am falling in love and hence
i am afraid
afraid i will be blinded
******* and bound in shackles
enslaved to this man whom
all i can say is
he is kind
and he is a good man.

is that enough?
what if i lose myself
i can not afford to do that
never again
but will i, with this man
it seems so likely
is it on me

i must be strong
i must be strong
i must be strong
what i want
is just as valid as what
anyone wants and more importantly
what he wants but his is all i care about

what i know and see
is just as valid as what he can see
my perspectives may not be as
experienced as his
but they are experienced differently
and experienced nonetheless

if i need remind myself these thing already
am i already being dominated
subconsciously
if he has already hinted at parting ways
how can i stick around to see if
he will break my heart
i feel out of control
it is new
i am afraid

afraid enough to leave?
one that does indeed keep me happy
maybe i am simply being silly
all can be talked about
but there is this voice inside me
screaming

reminding me to always
remind myself to be careful
so very careful

yet all i want to do
is likened to standing at the edge of a
cliff beside a waterfall onlooking a
crystal clear lagoon
take a deep breath which will be the only certainty i have, the air in my lungs
and jump.

i like my flavours strong, and not at all balanced
sour, salty, way too spicy, burning my tongue
and i guess that says a lot about me.

love is a trap
don't fall for it
mind stops working
eyes stop seeing
body too much feeling
you don't see how
its actually killing you
suicide that isn't
actually sweet

trees, I see myself in a forest
I breathe in the smell of leaves
Yet I simply closed my eyes in concrete
While you fell asleep on my shoulder

So many questions arose the first time
Direction, definition, purpose, intention?
And manifested itself into solidified anxiety
Man oh man did that terrify me

No, I won’t let this taint the beautiful space
I know how hard I worked to get to this
Breathe, in, out, we’ve got the strength it needs
****, alright so we’re doing this

Shame and embarrassed, I looked down
Do you want me to sit somewhere else you asked
Its okay, I can just look away as I say
Breathe, this can’t be that terrifying

So I asked you, I asked you
Every question occupying my mind
Bluntly, no sugar coats, in its rawest form
And I told you, I told you
Every answer clouding my mind

And with that, I felt so free
And with that, sleeping on bean bags had
Never felt so restful
And with that, anxiety free
Love is felt just with a hand under my head

It feels so good to be free
Tied to less than a week
But yet,
I am free.

I smell the trees
As you rest peacefully.

Not concerned with actually doing,
Holding on to meaningless things,
Running in a cloud, bound to fall

Is there any hope, future,dream
That isn't meant to be crushed
By an inch, the slightest

maybe the reason you run from some people
is because you are afraid to see yourself within them

Scattered thoughts empty mind
Devils workshop but devil to who
Evil is only evil when its bad to you
To those who benefit is this still true?

They tell you whats good whats bad
What you feel in your heart is it the same
A preprogrammed machine but we still think
Blessed are those with the courage to question

Why do some things not make sense

Like a imaginary dam
Holding back the tears in my eyes
Waiting for someone to care
Who'd of thought I'd be so vulnerable again,
Even worse, being hurt the same way
All over again.

Once I let it happen,
I swore never again
To let someone in so deep
They become a part of me

I fell, stupidly in love
For you half-baked lies
Couldn't care less smile
All in the shortest while

I turn back to poetry now that
I am broken once more
And when all else is lost
I know I have truly sunken deep
Lost beyond control
Yet with a smiling face
The day goes on

You don't know how I'm hurting
Or how much pain you cause
You ask me are you ok
Perfectly fine, as always
Except when you look away
The dam breaks down
Perfectly fine, as always.

Stay in the dark
Thoughts dissolve into the ether
Seeping in the all consuming numb

Stay in the dark
Worries fade to be never mattered
Air filled lungs now breathe the night

Stay too long in the dark
Self dwindling ceasing to be a part
Of everything once believed real

breathe in
put your lids to rest
would you dare to
hold in the fear
of all forgotten

put your lids to rest
do you hear waves
do you fear the dark
within the clouded mind
your harrowing thoughts

beneath those vivid images
you so desperately escape
lies quietly fluttering dreams
and if you are willing to see
within a shrouded cave below

quaint a little box,
innocently awaiting finding
familiarity in its sense
its owner long gone
holding the spark
you search.