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it’s a hard pill to swallow

but he puts it on my tongue
and tells me to swallow

i gulp down a man
who isn’t you

and just like the other drugs—
he didn’t help me forget you

~
When I fall in love, I don't twirl my hair,
No coy smiles, not even a playful stare.
Instead, at 3 a.m., I'm pacing the floor,
Like a detective chasing ghosts once more.
Hands clasped tight some where behind my spine,
Broken glass, missing jewels, spilled red wine
One cigarette-holding fingertip
Tracing memories of a sunken ship
In the kitchen light, shadows stretch and sway,
I'm held in my thoughts I can't chase away.
No kicking feet mid-air, no hearts shaped bloom,
Just circling my mind in the quiet gloom.

A cold case of a love I can't quite name,
All the evidence whispers just the same.
There's a mastermind behind this feeling
My heart's swollen and my brain is seething
So I pace in circles, night after night,
Wrestling with these feelings I can't set right.
A detective lost in an unsolved crime,
I can't let them get away with this time
This time it's personal, I'll get those crooks
My heart's on the line, keep it off the books
Shakespeare said all the lovers burn in hell
Once this case is done, I'll visit as well.
 Oct 13 Påłpëbŕå
Crow
she is light
I am shadow

the sun calls to her
and in return for her devotion
lives in her voice

gifts her
with his smile
allowing her the use of it

she invites his embrace
he marks her as his own
with tender bites across her shoulder

always she seeks him

in his radiant domain
is her joy

my shaded world
where I find comfort
chills her

the tenebrious realm
sings to me
in the key of solace

echoes in the darkened chambers
summon her fears

she shivers

I return her
to the warming luminance

our hands clasp
half in light
half in dark

connected across the boundary
we blend
into one
I was a footnote in her book
She was the title of mine
I wish she had stayed a while more
Maybe given me a sign
She is all my eyes let me see
Doesn't matter open or closed
I wanna write her more letters
With the sunflowers enclosed
But she asked me to go away
Asked me to break my own heart
Her words were my gospel
So I use my skin for art
 Aug 19 Påłpëbŕå
Crow
the breeze tastes of strawberries
and the sun
swaying towards the horizon
in the deepening sky
pleasures my metronome thoughts
like her hips
as the music catches her

rolling and tumbling
when the rhythm in the salted air
matches the one she finds
pulsing
in the place she goes
on moonful nights

where crescent beaches linger
singing in her hands
with mother of pearl choirs
strung around her shoulders

in the ashen light
waves roll in
cresting on her
powdered sugar *******

and coral reef lips
leave their mark
crimson stains
on a leeward palm tree

having run aground
under a sky spread map
of misaligned stars
I search for grace
in the shadow of her eye
many moments
I catch myself
looking ahead

I am dying in bed
I am already dead

I don't know what will happen
but I try to see

what will happen to us
what will happen to me

I look into the future
the future looks back

envying my smooth skin
and the time I have left

pitying me for silly mistakes
I still make

laughing
at the naivete
trending today

and the future
I see it branch out like a tree

many branches
but they are all looking at me

I am a memory

I haunt them
every one

with the things I do now
that cannot be undone

petty quarrels
that I would do better to question

questing for laurels
I'm too restless to rest on

I'll make my mistakes
till the branches all break

it is not the future
it is always today
if I'd been held
like this back then
I wonder who
I'd be today

probably not the one who waited
pushed all other men away

because I was not 'good enough'
because I was afraid to love

it took so long to find someone
because I built so many walls

and through it all
I always hoped
one day I could be understood

deep down
through all my darkest days
I always wanted to be good

if I had never run away
this dream would end

if someone like you
had been there to hold me then
I'm sure we never would have met
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