you are eighteen and you're in love
with a boy who hates his birthday.
you don't know it yet,
but the world gets so much bigger than the back of his car.
you think he needs you to be happy and so does he
but both of you are wrong.
it'll take you almost a year to stop crying.
and then you don't talk for another three
and when you finally do,
he thinks he still knows you,
but your heart is heavier than it was then.
and you **** him because you're lonely
but it isn't the same.
neither of you can fake love.
at least he still makes you laugh.
you'll pretend it's enough
because at least he's a body.
at least you're not by yourself.
at least you're alive
and you're good at *******.
because bodies are distractions
from the things we hide inside them.
you have him inside you
and he wants to gut you of your ugly, your sad.
he scrambles for an excuse not to stay the night
and you laugh.
you know what this is and how it goes
and you both love someone else.
you swear you won't **** him again
but you do anyway because you're still lonely
and you like the way his hands fit around your neck.
you **** him because it's good for your art
and you get bored of your own hands on your body
and you're fine with letting him feel useful.
and you think about when you were sixteen
and how *** was supposed to be special
and it makes you cry
because you're not who you wanted to be.
it makes you cry, because the world got so much bigger
after you left the backseat of his car.
the world is so big and you don't know
how it ended up on your shoulders.
you would have died for him.
you have been ready to die for every person you have ever loved.
you have dreams where he dies
and you can't save him.
you have dreams where people die
and you can't save them
and you're the one who tied your hands.
your mangled heart and all its bleeding.
nobody asked you to die.
what good is all the love in your chest
if you don't leave any for yourself?

- m.f.

I can’t help wanting to be away from everyone and everything, at this moment.
Routine seems to eat away at this free spirit of mine,
that cries out for something different; something meaningful.
Any other day, I am content with the mundane tasks of life, and being spread thin
Any other day, I wouldn’t mind the turmoil that resides within.

Something flows in the wind that blows
vibrations transform the world around.
But not all souls are so privileged to know

The subtleties of a force so profound.
Dancing among the molecules
Of oxygen and light and sound,

Value surpassing precious jewels.
A present in its present state,
Presented to wise man and fool,

A gift to he who contemplates.
Sun shimmering about the world external
new sense of warmth now radiates

Gently, inwards it flows eternal,
To semblance of peace does it return you.

And songs beautiful as young blind love,
Jingle, whistle, over distant hill
Mirroring the plains and stars above.

Birds are creatures that instill
A sense of wonderment and pleasure.
Sat on branch in forest, or on windowsills,

Knowing not their beauty in its measure.
Having no sense of pride or vanity
unaware they possess the richest treasures,

Their song will become my own eventually.
Melodies so immense, simple and moving,
Like darkness now envelop me.

Mother night so welcoming and soothing,
In your embrace I banish all my brooding.

Plastic bottles
Of cheap *****
Ceremoniously laid
On top the dirt

Faded red deterioration
Decorating human sin
The plastic as much
A human construct
As the forces driving those
To drink the poison within

Our kind is found among
The freshly fallen leaves,
Blanketing decomposition,
Suspended in between what
Is known of a detached life
Gracefully succumbing to nature

Our character is in the mulch,
It is in the metamorphosis

Our hopes and fears hidden
Within the actions that define us

Scattered about the ground
In the honor of days now drowned
In fermented angst

Plastic human sin
Cheap ceremony
These are the things
We choose to be

But we are so much more

I find shelter in your dreamy gaze
I find humor in your peculiar ways
Your laugh ignites a fire in me
Your love for the stars sets me free
The distance that divides us is so weak
The mountains we climb have no peak
Steady moving we make our way
Steady hearts forever stay

Namaste sister,
Namaste

I don't think your realize
What i go through when i'm alone
When i'm so unhappy, and i'm not even grown
Just because i'm young doesn't mean i understand
And i yes i do look for mysterious, glass bottles in the sand
And i dream of mysterious lands
And no i'm not talking about unicorns
Only a life without the society today
When i could go outside, and not have worried my mom when i wanted to play.
When people did not hurt my friends at school
And there was no social media, for people to act as an anonymous fool.  
And no one was worried for the kids to grow up sad
But if you think that today, you have not been, recently to school.
I wake up in the morning for school to stress me out
And i get so alone, i internally shout.
I get through my day
Then i just have to say
You are done, keep on holdin’ on.
And sometimes i'm scared
That i can't handle it anymore
But yet another day
Passes by, time shall fly.
Little poems written in the sky
The stars shall start a constellation
And the memories create a vivid picture.
Starting to look for a fixture
To the problems
To my unresolved sadness.
But sometimes i pray
For no one to say
Or tell what has happened to me
Or what maybe i could be
If i was normal
But i guess i wasn't born to be understood
And i guess you aren't willing to change
Even for a girl
Who is just asking for a chance
To show that i just want to be the same.