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I don’t remember
Falling out of love
But I remember hanging on
With my own sweaty hands
That were slowly losing grip
Begging you to just help me hold on
A little bit longer
And I remember the weight of your silence
Heavy, like a sorrow wrapped blanket
But most importantly,
I remember after
And the way the sun felt
Warming the chill
That your absence left
And the way that my tears
Fell like rain
Watering the forgotten garden
Of my soul
The wound is at her heart,
Her world is apart,
Trying to reach her,
Yet I can't speak with her.

Why is it so tough?
Whenever I see her,
I just stand there,
Frozen in the cold, with just a cough.

Is it my fault?
That I never stood by her,
Or is it her fault?
That she tried others?

I reach for words,
But they never stay,
They slip through my fingers
And fade away.

The day feels different,
But she wouldn’t know,
Once, I was there—
Now, I watch from the shadow.

If I had spoken,
Would things be the same?
Or was I meant to
Lose this game?

Today should be special,
Like the days we once knew,
But time has spoken—
And so, I stay silent too.
Today is her birthday, and I can't wish her,
So I wrote this as a gift to her.
I’m tired of loving like a dog—
all wide-eyed loyalty, waiting,
tail wagging for a love that lingers
just out of reach.

Tired of chasing footsteps
that never turn back,
of curling at your feet
only to be kicked away.

I fetch your affection,
drop it at your feet,
but you throw it further
each time.

I was born with teeth,
with a growl in my throat,
yet I soften myself
to fit in your hands.

No more.

Let me love like the wind—
wild, unchained,
touching only those
who welcome the storm.
A flower I dared not pluck -
out of love for your radiance,  
out of fear of your silent ache,  
out of care for your unfolding,  
out of awe for the life in you.  

The thought of your wither  
was a storm I could not weather;  
so I let you be, untouched,
praying you would bloom,
forever reaching toward the sun.

Letting you bloom was my wish,
but when the storms came too strong,
you decided to wither away,
because the weight of the world,
felt heavier than your light.

Holding the memory of your petals,
I wonder, if my hands, though gentle,
could have held you together or,
if the storms were always destined
to take you back to the earth so soon.
What’s meant stays,  
quiet and sure.  
  
True love waits,  
even when we turn away.  
  
What isn’t ours  
slips,  
like water,  
gone before we know it.
....sun will rise tomorrow
I keep cleaning up my apartment.
Thinking it will clean up my brain.
Color coating my closet, cleaning out my drawers
Today was a good day,
but I missed you by my side.
Yesterday was a bad day,
and I longed for your hand in mine.

Now tomorrow is on its way too
I don’t know what it will be,
but I know I’ll be missing you.
T
I move like water
through our conversation—
I make room for her,
my words beneath my tongue,
I listen with care—talk less.
tremors
the familiar anxious feeling
when I'm all alone
alone with my thoughts
the shadows creep in
gifting me tremors
tremors that capture my hands and legs
tremors that make my heart flutter and pound
tremors that terrify me
reminding me of that night
the night I tried to end it all
the memory gives me tremors
and terror
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