is dying.
I am tired of failing yet constantly trying.
It is not just self-realization anymore,
but a friend's comment, in half my confidence tore.
She said she never imagined I would end up this way,
little does she know I am begging my sanity and health to stay,
Instead, life is having its own way,
Me fighting for normalcy, yet my already stamped fate almost does not sway.
Take the painfully sweet escape and jump into the sea
And extinguish the light within me

A leaf in a stream,
I wait for you to stop me.
To end my journey.

Grim! Grim!!
My heart felt a heavy grudge
Portraying a mean beastly Face
With my dimmed eyes wishing darkness
As I rolled relentlessly

Then I ask myself
Was "tick tick" the problem
Or last night joyful frustration

Although last night
I was ****** and drunk
Over a wasteful time spent
Smoldering over a lustful path
I wished to be  a lovely realm

Struggling with this unfortunate outcome
That is hovering a fruitful new day
Borne of a cloudless smile
Of a worn-out fellow
That needs a head on.

Mama call always gets the magic
As if it was a mirrored moment.
The recuperating strength in her voice
Bleached my insanity
That would have devour me.

With a smiley outlook
Staring at the crowd of being
Projecting a mixed feelings
Full of love, peace and inspiration
Woken by a precious momma.

My mind’s eye has cataracts
I’m remembering facts that haven’t happened yet
Like a dog understanding it can’t understand the human’s command
I turn my head to see better
Watching invisible words
play out in visual verbs
Clouded and disturbed
Starting to match incompatible feelings
with compatible meanings
Based on what I’m seeing
But that ****** fog
A chemical atmosphere inside my skull
it’s way too full
and it’s emptying me
Eye is blackening
Pull the plug in back of me
so I can finally see
this fog leave
and the wreckage I have left to clean

~kb

I’m sorry I can’t be more positive for you
My life just seems like it’s coming unglued
For a woman of strength and fortitude
My mind seems to have an attitude
I’m not ungrateful,
I’ve carried my crosses
I’ve made my gains but keep
Comin’ up with losses
And it might seem strange
But I kind of like it here
I like to reflect on
the girl in the mirror
She’s hopelessly hopeful
And tries to be vocal
The pain she endures
They don’t understand but ensure
That it’ll all be ok
Knowing that’s just what they say
When nobody knows
My subconscious grows
And I take it all back
Now I know all the facts
This isn’t my fault it’s a
Brain assault and I’m
Not sorry
Anymore
This brain is more
Than who I am
And if I can stand what
The darkness pushes out
You can stand the occasional pout
Just don’t ever tell me to smile
It’s pandering and just not my style


~kb