I was 7 when I learned the art of touch
but that doesn’t make me ******’s sister

I was 14 when I thought I figured out *** and love
were one in the same

so tell me why everywhere you touched me
I began to turn black like a the band of a fake ring on a child’s finger

I began to turn a colour I could not wash off
with soap and water

the darker I became the more you began to
smell of rotting meat left out in the sun

you were festering and the holes in your heart
burned through to your skin

sometimes in my sleep
I still smell you waiting in the darkness

and sometimes in the shower
I still find deep marks I cannot ever seem to get rid of

Everyone in this life might mistake the look in your eyes as love
But I will never be so easily fooled again

I learned more about you in a Tattoo shop than I should have

I was talking to an artist named Adam
when he mentioned a goblin shark
and how even in 2014
we have only researched 1% of the bottom of the ocean

and until then I would have never compared you to a sea floor
but it seems that is just what you are : undiscoverable

deep
dark
dangerous

Forever beautiful until I saw you in raw sunlight
and realized you didn't shine anymore
you told me you would always love me
and ever since then I can’t believe anyone

I hate April now
it’s one of my least favorite months
and I blame you for that

One of the last times I saw you in your
beautiful tall pale freckled naked frame
you were inside of me and
you looked somewhere at my chest and
said you loved me

But you could not look into my eyes

And about ten minutes later when I was
resting my hipbones on yours
I started to cry

And instead of holding me close
and drying my eyes
you pushed me off
pulled on your pants
and left

and that was when I realized you are a
fox with a stone cold heart
incapable of caring for anyone

Much less loving them

Moth wings fluttering against my cheekbones
you are warmth
you are light

I am standing at the edge of this ocean
watching the galaxy pool around me

I do not care if it is a halo or horns
you have hiding out beneath your hat

It does not matter to me if you have shoulder blades
where your wings should be

We can press our bones together for all of eternity
We can be an archeological discovery

Love buried in ash
You are forever all I will need

Past:
I was never warned of the unnecessary evil that
was and is you

I was never told that I needed to heed the red collar
and let you not engulf me
like a house aflame in the country

I escaped to the forest like a refugee
and even now my heart is still locked in a tree

Present:
Your name sounds like it melts in my mouth
A freshly cut lawn of green grass

When will you realize I love you
when will you realize I ******* know you
And I still adore you

And how I sit in bed and write poetry
straight through to the morning
but even the sound of birds chirping outside my window
will not deter me

I need you to know I ******* love you
I love you I love you I love you

You said I'm "the one"
But I can't let my mind run away with my heart

I'm not trying to let myself unravel like a ball of string
I still need to be okay when the inevitable comes

Future:
I know you will leave me
eventually

Sometimes I keep my eyes open when we kiss
and you say it’s odd

I'm just trying to memorize the way the back of your eyelids look
until I can see deep shades of pink and blue in my sleep

A week ago you ate in front of me for the first time
And just yesterday you showed me the open hole in your stomach

It was only a picture of course
I have yet to see you fully unclothed and that is okay

I told the sadness I loved it again tonight
but it didn’t say it back this time

I never meant to make you bleed
I never meant to haunt you

I just wanted to float on air
and mix with water

but since dying
I’ve learned I’m more like oil

I have no use for locks anymore
so I threw away all of my keys

I tried to kiss you in your sleep
but there was too much smoke in the way

I cleaned up the blood trail from your bedroom
to the bathroom down the hall

I’ve learned a lot in a death but it seems
I am forever missing you