I pledge allegiance to my dad for giving me issues
I would have never known had he never left
I pledge allegiance to myself

I am more self-obsessed than I would care for anyone to ever know

I dress in all black so my relative’s burn
and roll over in their graves

I always spoke out of turn in my classes
and it’s hard for me to admit my mistakes
I have a knack for creating a new face,
I do it practically every day

I probably know your name even if we haven’t met
I occasionally draw attention to myself
just so I can feel justified and attractive

I pledge allegiance to the flag

I quite like this freedom but to be honest
I’d rather have the power

Ill feed you honey off of a teaspoon in the morning
And I’ll cover up all the reflective surfaces and
hold you in the bathtub till about 2 pm

I’ll rub shampoo through your black hair until the water turns cold

We will read poetry under that big shady tree down the road
and chase each other in the maze at the library
but I’ll always let you catch me

You’ll eat out of my hands like a broken baby animal
on the back porch wrapped in an afghan
the colour of your eyes on a rainy day

We will turn on the lamps at night and count our freckles
while we are wrapped in the sheets

And if you still hate yourself after that
We will wash rinse and repeat
until you can look into the mirror and

see what I see

I’m looking at you in the passenger seat
like maybe someday you can be my home

ill crawl up next to you under sheets
and we can keep each other warm
and listen to the sound of our quick beating hearts

I can see us on a porch in our late 20’s
in a nice place like Boston or Maine
but it doesn’t really matter to me
as long as we’re together

the scent of your skin is like a seatbelt
the soft caress of your hands on the small of my back
is a reminder that

I am yours

I couldn’t imagine a future without you
I see us holding hands in a park
licking ice-cream cones

I see you in the morning waking up next to me
hair disheveled with sleepy eyes

I see us in picture frames along our staircase
I see us drinking wine in bed at night

I think about kissing you every day of my life  
I see you in my dreams darling

and you feel like home

When I was in second grade a boy punched me
and I punched him back
until his nose bled on mulch

and ever since then I don’t chase boys
and I do not care for blonde hair anymore

when I was in second grade I would make
homes for fairies in the dirt using
moss and leaves and dandelion stems

when I was in second grade I had a house I could rattle around in
I could sulk like an angry ghost in a house built in 1867

I would wander around in the forest with two boys
I convinced them we should break into old houses
and our neighbors sheds

We created a world of green and vine and stumps
For Christmas one year we decorated a tree

We were the little ones who never wanted to go home
We called ourselves Peter Pan
Because we were never growing up

That was all before I moved
And the last day with them they crowned me Queen

I would climb on the roof at night
and feel the warmth of the sun still lingering there
and that was back when I was scared of what was in my closet

but since then I’ve befriended it

We were on the jetty eating orange popsicles
and staring out at the glittering afternoon sea
I was eight years old the first time you ever uttered the word

cancer

it wasn’t a just a sickness anymore
it was definite
it was terminal
something permanent

I was eight years old the last time I held your hand
as we walked back to the car

I haven’t been back to Maine since
or on a jetty even though I’ve always loved them

I was eight when I went to church and prayed for you the entire service
little knobby knees kneeled on the velvet

I was eight when you died

I was eight when I told god to go **** himself
and ever since then I’ve had a hard time with belief

I’ve had a hard time being in a church without feeling angry
I was eight when you were buried
and it still feels like it happened just yesterday

I am not pink lace and bony knees
I am not please and thank you
I am now and because I said so

I am ripped jeans and skinned knees
I am not a thin wafer
I am a loud tongue

my body has never once been a temple
I am a volcano erupting at random intervals
I burn everything I touch

some are born with a silver spoon in their mouth
I was born with a hunger
for something I have yet to taste

I have never been meek
A proper lady
A lamb

I am harsh worded
I speak like a grater
I leave bruises and burns

I am a sinkhole
And if you're not careful
I will swallow you up

I was born “I'll give you something to cry about”
I was born in a barn
I was born halfway up a mountain trail

I was born “you don’t need anyone”
I was born in a nest of bees
I was born on the back of a horse

I was born “I’m only showing you once so listen up”
I was born thigh high in a stream
I was born cutting wood with an axe

I was born “here’s how you **** a chicken’
I was born in a cranberry bog
I was born of land

I was born "show them what you're made of"
I was born in thorns
I was born with blackberry juice staining my lips

I was born “there’s no reason to be scared of the dark”
I was born boots laced jacket on
I was born running

I was born “as a girl you’ll have to try twice as hard”
I was born ready
I was born walking out the front door