GLOBAL WARMING?
IDK
BUT 2018 IS A KAT SUMMER


Unce tice, fee tines a mady
****, sorry,
eddie murphy buh-weet flashback....

Once or twice upon a time
  or perhaps
     just maybe
        almost what must be forever

there was a woman
she was WOW
she was WOAH, MAN
  she was MEOW

Sometimes She Believed It
  She'd Strut when it Fit
But could be there's Artist's Block
  and the Goddess don't Rock

Pain HURTS
  Betrayal be the WORST
Try to Fly unto Forever
  with a son-****-father

the ******* height
  ain't gonna be every single night
lead guitar **** star
  don't always play on Wednesday

but the current underneath
  the love lust deep deep within
is supposed to be decades in its belief
  i've seen old people kiss remembering sin

Eyes Afire for each other
  Their Love Still Alive
holding hands hotter
  than any hard fast drive

If you're not in,
  then into the kiln
plate your ***
  this ****** too shall pass

I remember when she was Queen of Beads
  a bracelet had me hummin
    an anklet I wanna be drummin
      a necklace almost satisfied my need...

I had recently learned to be Grateful
  but basically just to expand my Party
    and where I hoped it might take me

KMM was the reason I let the Dead into ME
  a Dead song heard thru her eyes
    was being caught Without A Net
      seeing thru the Eyes Of The World

You see Your Rose
  I saw Mine
You say you Noes
  I say She Fine

did I mention forever ACTUALLY MEANS forever
  and you have every right and reason to be bitter
if you say you gonna stay whatever the weather
  be a man
    if you possibly can
if not
  at least let her know
    uh yeah thanx buh-bye whatever

people think they know what up
  their truth be THE truth
pain be personal is what up
  that truth is THE truth

you'll Noe when you're fully healthy again
  when mind heart soul friends
say uh yeah it wasn't me
  so ******* **** I'm free

there was a Kathryn I met
  only Kathryn I've known as yet
20-ish years later we re-met
  and this won't rhyme with “et”
but I have now Loved FB 3 Times,
  Aly, Eric, Kat, and, um, rhymes

Kathryn Marie Maletich....not the 1st WOAHman I Loved, but the most WOAH I'd met as yet....She arrived at my house with my Sean telling me dude you'll dig her...pool table, beer, prob some misc, a late night in my suddenly electric backyard under the stars sitting talking about whatever and everything and what she could do with the insides of the washing machine which were currently occupying the back side wall of my parents' house, a Bday party with band at her house she invited me to and took flash pic in my face as she laughed and invited me to her garage room to hang out (nitrous, thy name is “Clint, you're in Kat's room, solo, laughing sharing phasing in and out of consciousness with bliss and I think I helped her Happy and I want to stay here!)  2 days later Sean asked me for you if I Liked you...oooohhhhhh Lady....me was broken boy, shy, no experience, ******, young but already shattered so many times, how could I possibly satisfy someone as Amazing as you. I said yeah as a friend cuz I had no idea how to just tell you WOW, your lips rule my dreams, can I share those dreams with you....Nope, said yeah as a friend and I was forever locked in that zone. Being Kat's Friend is not necessarily a bad thing. You and I shared so much, and I always felt like I knew more about you than the men you ******. We were REALLY close, and I was conflicted, cuz there was this dichotomy where you were both the replacement for the soul sister who hung herself out of my life just when I needed her more than ever and the 1st Love who chose the other she wanted less but was safer and her family approved of because he wasn't me. Kat, those yrs you knew me were really hard for me. I was NEVER not in pain, my ******* genius boy mind only not flinging images memories entire scenes actual physical sensations at me when I got wasted enough that I could scream them down. School was great when you can remember every bit of info automatically, but when my mind became my sister Carla's needles and Kristy's “your eyes are alive, your kiss is better, I want you more, but we can't go together where you're headed” I kinda went away..still above 4.22 grade-wise, little genius boy blah blah blah, but I was lost. I became a poet to survive it, but then you arrived. I was just kinda accepting 1st love was dead cuz I was a worthless druggie following my dead Sis as Kristy was excelling towards the Teacher we both wanted to be. I did all those drugs with Sean (however many hundreds of hits...a dozen in one night alone, ****.... of LSD I don't even Noe) and quarters of speed in one snort and then moving to smoking ounce after ounce of it. By the time we bid each other adieu I was finally ready to find out if I was going to just die or live on as at least semblance of the beautiful boy I once was. Cleaned myself up, returned to college, eventually got my degree from my San Jose State...you had lunch with a bona fide Bachelor of Science in Marine Biology with a Minor in Chemistry lol. Married twice...divorced, widowed. Worked corporate sales and then drug abuse treatment research (that actually felt really good) and some other blah yada then landed at Vons where I've been higher up than now but actually almost like where I'm at, lol, and the pay and benefits are good enough I can't leave, also lol.......of course I thought about you many times and other times and more (heck, you're part of one of my tats...not in a way you'd like, sorry), but I always figured you were gonna keep being great and Loving Life. Heard you and D made it official and thought it would work pretty fine. Blows my mind someone held you and let go. People are whack. L.M.M.H. (lolololol), I am REALLY glad you found my facebook with paul...Noe idea how much of each others' lives we'll be a part of, how often I'll actually hear you say Hello My Little Friend (don't get me started on that one heeheehee), but stoked is the word for Kat in my life....truly never thought I would look in your eyes again..it was wonderful to do so, Thanks be to You Milady....


some part of me will always be in that garage
  only place those days I almost believed I wasn't garbage
I just tried to survive the moments until the when
  Kat would arrive and re-invite me in again

not that boy anymore
  but you're still Kat for sure
I hope You Noe That
  You Are Still Where It's At

gonna preach
  gonna teach
    bout the things I see
      bout the things I Noe to BE

acoustic strings vibrating in tune with the moon
  kiss your **** like a lyricist linguist lover in june
however whenever you discover the start
  the drum beat can still hit your heart

please take me to your local dive bar
  I'll laugh with you my Diva Star
play darts with me
  and I'll IPA thee
bullseye wins the puddin pie

your art is still your life
  and your inner eye hath grown
so the universe is all right
  and I'm lucky to have known

about out of words for now
  HEY, I can hear that laughter from here
it does happen
  every now and again
     (for a millisecond or three)
so I'll bid thee adieu for now
  
it was the best of times
it was the blurst of times
******, stupid monkeys...I'm out

8:56 PM

Seein' faces which no longer exist,
an eerie army of them,
how have I known such death
and yet still draw breath
mayhap a few were my fault,
forever haunted shall I be
especially as none of them deserved it
and i'm still livin laughin dancing free
it's kinda hurtin in here
tho it's basically just whinin
btw, where's my ******* beer
or at least a bottle or three of whine
my mind only sits still if forced to
and that requires more than you
will ever Noe how to do
it's dancin dangerous circle cycles at the moment
not the bestest ever tour for this version of clint
visions videos vicious internal angst bleeding my psyche
introversion reversion is ******'ing me
this soup bowl hath been poisoned
and i ain't prepared for such pain
at last i'll have always have my marbles of blue
and my die which with Bob will always crush you :)
which kiss do you most miss
cuz I heave several on that list
some of whom I've never even tasted
but "maybe someday" is imagination unwasted
reset myself so many times
when is it too many times?
precious little keeping me here
and I'm not much in touch with fear
the **** it ******* Clint
is ******* his inner Clinton
*** on
let's blow this scene
...money shot...
….and...out...


10:31 PM

which noose can you not cut loose
what's the soul scar you can't uncarve
or are you like me...
no fav among the many
I don't like space shuttles
but I do love muggles
well, a few of them
a few more on a whim
are your dreams too often screams
do you shout racial epithets at yourself
are you an ex genius boy
or a gorgeous-brain girl
who's tired of this toy we call our world
I hate saying I hate
but I hate all kinda ****
I used to Love to Love
but i just don't be feelin it
my blue rose hath decayed
its romantic spirit been betrayed
somewhere sometime my luck
said it doesn't even wanna ****
so fornicate yourself world
this boy beyond bent at bein whirled
I AM the best ME this boy ever been
but I'm just still just a Clint to my Clinton
c'mon man, I get it
hahahaha
but can't you quit
you win, i'm blah
this joke is older than I am
yet you insist on the retell
what else do you want from me
do you think I haven't visited my home in hell
when I am Positive Patient Polite people are joyful in their interactions with me...the potential to be a genuinely impactful presence in a meaningful moment of their life which they will remember and subsequently relive with me, pulling me into their experience as one of the cruxes, is the reason I actually have smile wrinkles from work even tho much of it is soul draining torture...not triple P at the moment....
how many dead people do you Noe???
many of you more than I certainly.
did it begin early?
does it continue late?
I don't want to be Dead
but it is seriously a freakish occurrence that I'm not
the statistics don't support it
better purer truer souls have seen their bodies left to rot
I knew my brain was insane at 5 yrs old
when the people studying me
told me my Intelligence Quotient was BOOM
and I said I Noe
but I can't respect your opinion
cuz this is a junior college room
so *******, yo
(plus my sister siblings were all so off the chart genius that I had to read at least a book a day from Kindergarden until HS, when I read a book a day cuz I wanted to F U, just to keep up with my understanding of the world beyond our block...if you have never read The Phantom Tollbooth, you really should, and you should do so with your kids...and if they're not old enough for Harry Potter or Tolkien, then read to/with them the Ursula K. Le Guin Earthsea Trilogy)
ouch
there's not a band aid for me
ahhh ****
I thought I was beyond thee
what was once my smile
is now a grisly grin
a snarky sneer
anything to contain the pain.
I'm sorry if you're sad
it might not be that bad
I can be the bestest silliness you've ever sampled
just hold my bald head as your button gets tongue trampled
and, ummm, yeah.....


11:30 PM

can you shake it??
the voice which quakes you?
who was your 1st?
not your 1st ****
not even your 1st kiss
simply the 1st set of eyes
blue, brown, green, heterochromatic (ooooohh Aly)
or the 1st smile, lips
the 1st voice, laugh
the 1st statement from a mind
a spirit in kind
which drew you into within
made that one the again and again and again
Did you ever Breakfast at her Tiffany's??
and if not is it still a favorite fantasy??
shhhhhh,
do you feel that???
that's a kiln absolutely killn it,
the dolls all Princess Wavin at their Kat
I can't get away with such silly sentimentality,
she'd most likely just make me smack me
you can't ME OW the Kat
unless you put it in a Tat :)
Does it still matter?
Is it still the solo
on your soul guitar?
Or is it merely whatever
couldn't give less of a ****
but wish them the best of luck
Maybe she was the entire worth of your world
I've been there once or thrice or more
In which case you can still hear her whisper
and your heart hates you for not winning her
Now without her, again, whoever whatever
drifting falling, alone again, whatever wherever
and....midnight don't mess around
time to get some sleep...hopefully super sound

Been a while...so, ***, why not...
I am an Elastic Firecracker
not certain exactly what that means
or what it says about me
but I saw it on Spotify...
and it seemed like something I've been
Don't necessarily remember the exact when
or quite recall if I was worth it
but I'm fairly certain it was one of those moments
when I was utterly ******* brilliant
Maybe it was a talented tongue type Tuesday,
just another tingle tune in mid-June around midday
bouncy house with our shoes on
up down in out up to and beyond our very best
*** play on & on & on
Then a chug of wine
a sip of water
and a bit of a rest
Until another tender torrid entwine
boy to Man
and sometimes back again
i have been exiled gone
long ago forgotten
and learned that cancer claimed my 1st Love
an Angel who believed in that ******* above
i done been forgotten by the dead
sometimes sisters can't handle their own head.
I have felt the Agony in her eyes
both Noeing she would someday soon die
the only questions when
and by her hand or her ******
i've worshipped women who didn't want me
except for the laugh and the fake high
and the intense incense glow of my blue eyes
I have stared into her eyes
as deep as I could be
as we expressed our Love
with whoever below and the other above
I married a woman I Loved
no longer married
still Love :)
I've been given a family
and a re-love of Disney
by the woman who taught me more about me
than anything this world ever threw at me
I have arrived too late
to see the light go out
comas come and go
but end with her dead
Or didn't you know
i've lost and found myself in the embrace
of a hot body and a Beautiful face
and a spirit mind which blew me away
in a never before known way
who showed me the new me
then shattered me beyond belief
so when does one trip out
about trippin out?
cuz if intelligence experience emotions wisdom
is just ******* within a ******
and worthless is worth even less
then **** this being born
and let's be all about abortion
(**** the clint before it asserts itself
******* better off without itself)
so the old man
rebuilds himself yet again
sans the Dad who was his rock
and a Mom who's cuckoo clock
but with friends thru every whatever
a wonderful woman I love forever
and a family stronger closer than ever
apparently my spirit still shines bright
and my mind is not yet often a *****
I rarely feel that way inside the light
but I guess the evidence is strong
there's the best
and then all the rest
And I think I've been both
wonder what's next....
well, that flew out, 1st time in a while. not too bad. didn't review or edit so hope not on Sunday morning casual 5k suddenly going goddamit I forgot to mention i thought i could touch the stars and it's all Stephen Hawking's fault and if the apple guy hadn't already been karma killed I meant to say *******....

La Vida En La Villa Strangiato


Wondering what remains inside this aged shell...
  are there any poems still wanting me to tell?
will the words still write themselves
  when I whisper sweetly inside myself?

Even as broken as i remain
  shuddering within this shattered domain
are there star stories still in these skies
  cuz I still see them in my inner eyes

Music is terrifying
  touches far too deeply and truly
My muse no longer clarifying
  i'm left bereft and too unruly

death hath touched me too many times recently
  continuing to steal amazing beings from me
and his evil cousin cupid
  keeps ****** me almost as hard

that verse was all about meaning
  with zero respect for rhyme
the thing is,
oh aseptic poem ****...
*******

blech blah meh in my maw
  hate the taste of pain this raw
days weeks months years ago
  none of it has the decency to just go

i'm tired
  inside
never been this tired
  even when hope first died

believe it or not
  i still laugh a lot
but it's a momentary meeting,
  ephemerally fleeting

why is limbo a frozen inferno
  how why does it burn so badly
and why does it ******
  at my emotional chasm

almost everything that's me is amiss
  mostly unable to miss this abyss
the one void i can't avoid
  the tattoo inside i can't hide

suppose i should be glad to still feel
  but i sure would like to finally ******* heal  
is what I want from and for me merely in purgatory
  or is my end game destiny an eternal empty

cuz, you noe, like i always used to say sometimes,

My mentor
my motivation
my moonlight at high noon
my starlight swoon
my sunlit beach in june
  even if it's a dreary january

the reason my heartbeat wants to breathe
  from the moment it actually got to meet you in the physical world  
  and realized the miracle truth of what it already believed...that all of
  the texts and emails and messages were only false in that they  
  ludicrously understated the absolute of Yur light Yur personality Yur
  energy Yur Blue Eyes ability to express and explain and exude that
  the world is wonderful and it's even immeasurably better with
  You...from that instant when we sat together by the fire and I ached to
touch You and my poetheart promised the universe whatever it  
wanted for the daily renewed memory of kissing You  

my dream
whether asleep or awake
the only fantasy which moves me
the only reality meant for me
my only failure that matters
the only forever that shatters

the reason the word awesome exists
or did I say amazing
or gorgeous
or silly sweet
or perfect
or exciting
or comfort
or Happy
or Hottie
or please kiss me NOW
or please let me please You
or touch me with Yur eyes
or hold me in Yur thighs
or nestle into my cuddle
  as I nestle into your soul
or any and every detail of You
  is why I want awareness
or did I mention that what you consider mundane about Yur life, Yur day
  when shared with You was a meteor shower at play

my muse
my music
  the soundtrack in my mind
  I waited forever to find
my love
my lust
my life
  the only Belief
  I ever actually Believed
  
the reason my heartbeat hopes breathing wasn't just a dream or a cruel memory
  from the moment of thrown away and broken and farther from
  awesome than possible i still exist despite the day-to-day lack of
desire to do so becuz my mind sings even within sorrow with echoes
of the soundtrack for my surreal world, the multi-faceted platinum
album of the funnest person the fullest woman (how can You be
everything?!?!) I've ever met or even seen who somehow inexplicably
LOVED me for a while (really...blue-on-blue-within-blue I saw inside  
Her inside Me)

my best day (she's US with me!)
my worst day (she's done with me)
my nervous excitement every single second since we met
my molten full-spectrum heartbeat (silly and sweet)
my only wish
  one fish
  two fish
  red fish
  blue fish
    my only wish

the only reason I keep breathing today
  becuz maybe there could be a someday

Adrenalin is already in play
  even beforeplay
So clip in
  (no, not *******)
grasp the bars you'll grip as you ride
  (not gasp as hard and slip & slide)
and start to pump
  slow at first
    and then faster
(okay, it's not all ******
   but it is all intimately sensual)

Welcome to Wonderful,
  the eternal quadrangle
    of physical/mental/emotional/spiritual
      (which makes love with ego's inellectual)
  where you can taste your health
    as yur in tune with yurself.
  mind drives body
    body alives mind
  it's a complete circle
    a beautiful cycle
      (a bi-cycle lol)

this movement
  this energy
it speaks to me
  both secretly and directly

Somehow effort seriously extreme
  is easier than anything should seem

Smooth & Fast like Dream Flight
  it soothes & excites!

just steady the climbs
  zoom the downs
    & pump the flats
or get stronger
  ride longer
push the legs and lungs along
  speed and speak to any ascent or descent
    until you Noe its song

This was meant to be my forte
  I was made to ride 100 miles a day!
Dude,
  distance disappears in Zen & Grace,
    it's my 2nd favorite place to have my face!

And I actually catch myself wondering what it would be like just  to keep rolling until I saw Canada and stopped to sample some salmon.....

Have you ever gazed up at your goal
  knowing it was just the first of many,
then given in to the siren call's control
  and joyed your away along the journey?

So you know teaching yourself to increase your best?
You know the ******* reaching of the crest?

Then you will Love the mint fire on your nerves
  as you *** alive cruising these curves

maybe there is no truth
  perhaps those were lies in your youth
could be there is no comfort
  mayhap all effort is merely hurt

I don't want to believe that's true
  but the only proof I have for you
is something She gave me that I Love even more than I like
  and now I Noe everything is Better on a Road Bike

the zoom, the move, the smooth
the intimacy of the power transfer
body is bike is body is bike
  check one, two, always the live mike
hills are merely miles
  and homeless heartless boy actually smiles
    (from the inside, not just the surface!!)

the only music is in my head
  are the sounds which surround me
    the hum of the tires on the asphalt
    the whoosh of the wind in my ears
      (and blowing back my hair hahaha lol)

Seriously,
  when I'm cruising my climbing
    along grades my truck hates driving
  or flying floating down descents
    as Joy earned after that ascent
  or inside my mind across miles of miles
    I ACTUALLY HAVE REAL SMILES

and as my legs link to my lungs
  muscles humm oxygen rhythm
I feel the whistle in what was once my soul
  and it feeds the underwhelming wish to be whole

at times the chills spill up & down my spine
  and I Noe there is no end of the line
just the preparation & anticipation
  for the next time.....

BOMBDIGGITY

the voodoo doll I have for You
  I speak to every night
with babble beg plead please
  and then a wish for Yur sweet dreams

the tattoo I have of You
  I stare at every night
with a sentimental smile singing please
  and then a wish for You in sweet dreams

I Love You Shannon Hickman (S.H.)
  Stud Hero (S.H.) Inspiration
I was put on this planet
  to be the being who whispers to you
Let's hold hands as we journey even further
  let's Love where we are
    & then Love the journey however far

I'm supposed to bring You Happy Fun Joy
  I'm supposed to be Yur Happy ***** Poet Boy
I should show You the You of You
  Incredible Wonderful Awesome Amazing True
That's the only possible reason I exist,
  unless you'll kiss me inside a dream mist
    which You share with me
      WHICH YOU SHARE WITH ME

Every time we were together
  didn't You feel the Forever?
Didn't You hear the tremble in my voice
  which mirrored the Miracle of Yur choice?

I grieve **** shall always believe...
Please never grieve!!
  **** Please Believe!!
Shannon,
  Please Believe!!!!

Oh Shannon,
  when You listen to a song whose emotions You feel saying You are amazing & Yur touch is the
  primordial nova, do You ever remember that was My touch and that EVERY SINGLE TOUCH OF
  MY EYES WAS PURE LOVE

Ohhhhhh,
  Shannon,
    how the **** did I not lift You with me onto clouds where WE could watch Z-O-E climb trees as WE
    giggled at our giddiness?!

My words made You want me
  **** you bored of the real me
HOW is that OUR Reality?

Stud Hero (S.H.),
  Clint shall now strive for excellent,
    far better than merely partying
      with some misc poeting

I will be everything I can be of me w/out You
  even though the only thing I'll ever want
is Yur life, mind, voice, curves, caress, kiss
  and the Soul in Yur eyes

**** how shall it ever compare
  to when You were forever there
when I was suddenly infinitely hotter
  and am pretty sure I could breathe underwater

Oh, Once Upon A Time Lover
  Forever Fantasy Dream Lover
******* with You
  or into You
    or Both
was the most Man I've ever been
  the realest my lips & tongue & **** have ever been
**** besides beyond the ******
  was the sensual
    & You made my heart's soul whirlpool
      with even the hint of a touch
        (a whisper from Yur look was almost too much)

Yet You were able to eliminate Yur Love for me,
  while for me it is the only Forever I'll ever be.
One day You could suddenly unsay NEED,
  **** Yur the only breath I'll ever bleed

Dumped Discarded
  thrown tossed away
Broken Sharded
  so easily tossed away

How?
  WOW to OW
How?
  HOW!?!?

Not just someone,
  not just fun,
    The One,
Not some ******* Stupid Movie “Neo”,
  SHE IS THE ONE

**** she decided i'm noone
  i am none

every belief i've ever held is unbelieved
  wrong wrong wrong wrong un-believed
                                         (i'm not me)

now mostly Yur a memory
  that personality which spoke words with that voice which sang sighed from that face, oh, that that
  face, through that mouth, sweet mother of the universe, that mouth, with those lips (ohhhh, so unfair
  to have those lips AND those eyes)
now mostly a memory

**** I do remember,
  I remember Every time we touched
                      Every time we talked
and when the nerves of my body
  forget Yur Lips, Yur Fingertips
    & the sweet squeezes between Yur thighs
I will still feel Yur eyes

You thought I saw inside You
  **** it was really inside You seeing me

Oh S.H.,
  the silly sweet stunned smile in my eyes
    is because of You
and Yur what makes them Blue
  (even blind I would see You)

My only philosophy
  is You should BE with Me
tell me to touch You deep inside
  that that's how You NEED Clint,
    in every possible way that can be meant

Other than that
  i'm just the shadow of a shell
and i don't understand
  how you aren't as well
You said I was awesome
  Yur that & then some

In some ways
  I'll be that way always
and even prove
  I can improve

My moonlight is as ever silver nova bright
My soul is still a sibling sister to the sun
I am as always an ocean
  my hand the waves upon the sand

I've decided to be healthy
  and so I shall be
I've embraced positivity
  so I'm as pleasant as can be

Active athletic
  no longer amateur alcoholic
I push to make me
  the Me knowing You
    made me want to Be
Goals for body & soul
  and the Noe I want you to know

And I'm reaching them
  & teaching me
Although other than that
  i'm just a shallow shadow of a shell

And Always
  And All Ways
S.H., S.H., S.H.
  my every realization
  my only information
    is Yur my Inspiration

Maybe Yur future music muse will Someday as a guitar sing my name

Maybe someday as You ride mtb miles
  or rule the road Hickman style
a song will echo in You our smiles
  for miles & miles & miles & miles
Maybe Yur memory music muse
  shall moan laugh sigh
    as a guitar sings my name

Then as You ride on by,
  will You call my name?

I'll be biking or hiking
  or swimming or gyming
    or running or writing
as I'm hoping & wishing
  & wanting & waiting