My almost grown grandsons
see only a stooped withered
old man when they look at me,
no clue of the young man I used
to be. Or where I have been, the
things I've done. They've only
known me like this. Even 20
years ago, when they were born
I was already a senior citizen.

In my mirror I also see what they
see and can barely recall that
once upon a time younger me.

Time and the elements move
on leaving erosion behind upon
mountains and people too.

I feel like I am looking at my life

Like it is inside a snow globe,

People flying and fluttering around me,

Unaware that they are in my world.



The whole world is moving,

But I am standing still.

I am in the middle of it,

Watching it flow and spill.



I am the centre,

But I am alone.

Set apart as some say,

But I long to be a clone.



I long to touch

I long to move,

I want to belong,

I want to love.



But all I can do,

Is watch and see.

How everyone dances

Around my glass figurine.



Holding the globe in my small hands,

Filled with chaos and silence.

Holding my world, my land.

This empty substance.



I wonder if someone else

Is looking down at me.

thinking that the crowd

makes the figurine look awfully lonely.

It seems like he is my very heartbeat
The wind beneath my feet,
The air in my lungs,
The reason why every other relationship went wrong.

He is the reason why I fought on,
Why I spat out the pills and stayed strong.
He replaced every tear with laughter
Explained why I could not force my head to stay under the water.

He is so beautiful.

I have been fighting all my life,
Fighting the thoughts that cut my mind like a knife,
Like the knife, I used to decorate my body,
Thin red lines covering where a selfish monster once touched me.

But with him, it is like the battle is won,
Like the demons and monsters are gone.
With him I’m not scared half to death
Of the thoughts loose inside my head.

He is so wonderful.

He takes my breath away,
But I would choose empty lungs every day,
Because he fills them up with sighs of relief,
That spills over to my wide smile, stretching from cheek to cheek

He is the king of the hill,
He made the demons go still.
He showed me who I could be
Moreover, he reminded me…

That I am so beautiful… and I am so wonderful… I am worth the fight.