i really wish i had this shut down option for my feelings
that would be wonderful.
when things get to me or when stress is building up, i could just push the shut down option and everything will go black.
and stay black.

no need for a map
my heart points to you
rough lines, tough steps
can't stop what I want to do

there hasn't been a moment where I've forgotten you
even when we're far apart
as long as we meet at the end of the horizon

              I'll raise the masts
              I'm being carried by the winds

put the rough waves of water's surface into sleep
tell you a million times so you won't miss

if i cut you off, chances are you handed me the scissors

I'm just another face

in the crowd

YOU
NEVER
WALK
ALONE

highkey care too much
lowkey tryna hide it from you

you said please don't give up on me

but it's kind of funny,

since you ended up being the one to give up on me

songs or stories

don't save people

"why do you write poems like these"

                                                                                                      "i like too"

"why do you like to?"

                                                                                                      "it helps me"

"why does it help you?"

                                                                                                      "it's escape"

"from what?"

                                                                                                      "everything"

you told me that you
were fine, that you
were sober, i believed you.

i got into the car with you,
you smiled and said we'll be fine,
that we'll make it home in one piece.

we were 10 minutes away from
the house when the car swerved,
and everything blurred in front of me.

the windshield shattered
like snowflakes, and
stayed under your skin.

you screamed until
your voice got lost.

and i only know what
that sounds like
because of how scared
you'd get get in movies,
the lights off, and feeling
too disconnected to the
floor at your feet, i wonder
if it was any different.

i try to not think about it,
how you dropped like a red rose,
but it's hard when i call you
to see you if you're coming to school,
only to remember your line's been cut
for about 5 months now.

these aren't the kind of things
you get used to.

i am constantly torn between killing myself and killing somebody around me

at school people ask me,

"you look tired, are you sleeping okay?"
"are you okay?"

i just answer,

"I'm fine."

but sometimes i just want someone to look at me in the eyes and say,

"no you're not"

you're so distant.
why are you leaving so early?
you look awful.
why are you so depressed?
you sound down.
what's wrong with you today?
cheer up dude.
tell me, what's the matter?
you look so out of it.
did you get no sleep last night?

i'm just really tired.

he loves me not

as he kissed me, his hands explored my framework.  he planted kisses as he traced my jawline lightly with his fingers.  
"beautiful," he muttered as he planted more kisses down below.  
i moaned in pleasure as he licked right under my *******.  my hands gripped his hair tightly.  
he groaned under his breath and pulled me tightly towards him.  
"i love you," he whispered in my ear.  
"i love you too," i purred back.

i should stop thinking about you
your hair
skin
eyes
smile
laugh
voice
and what you'd probably feel like wrapped
around me at night  but i think i've grown
too used to the constant stomach ache
and the 3 am tears to do that.

another



                                     sinking





                                                                                        *feeling

.                 cur              f              w                 d               dis              and p
    A                sed          iend         rought       eath             ease                 ain.
               bles              fr               b                 br           and                     ag

sometimes silence is  **violent

the night is fractured
   and they shiver,   blue,
those stars,
       in the distance.

what little light that’s left, we need to keep it sacred
i know that you’re afraid to let all the dark escape you
but we can let the light illuminate these hopeless places.

but after a while
the small cuts become
big ones
and after a while
it doesn't really help
anymore so
you start finding other ways
to destroy yourself
like never sleeping and
drinking too much liquor and
kissing strangers and
letting your friends slowly drift away

making a coincidence was my first mistake.

making that coincidence into fate is my second mistake.

constantly encouraging her and making the fate into destiny..
is my third mistake.

we always sat
next to each other because
our names started with
the same letter, f.  

sitting on the F line,
legs crossed,
sitting on the floor,
counting the minutes as they passed by
and talking about how life was going.

you talked about your friends,
how well you were fitting in,
how much fun you were having.

i like the way you always cheer me up,
even when i have a bad day,
you manage to put a smile to my face.

you had me fall ing for you,
day by day, minutes by minute,
i was falling way too quickly.

i guess that's why your last name is
Falls.

i need someone who will understand how unstable i am, sometimes being alone can be dangerous for me but other times its exactly what i need.

I shut myself down
I have no motivation for anything
I tell myself that nobody cares
even though I know some do

time is slipping through your fingers
as you run away from your demons
while reaching toward the orb of light
in the distance, surrounded by dark,
mysterious spirit of the darkness from
within. i gasp for air as the walls start
to lessen the gap between each other.

the walls close in as i whisper my last
words,


"why?"

“tell me one last thing,” said Harry.  “is this real? or has this been happening inside my head?”

dumbledore beamed at him, and his voice sounded loud and strong in Harry’s ears even though the bright mist was descending again, obscuring his figure.  

“of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” -dumbledore

last night i couldn't sleep
because of you.

today i can't eat
because of you

when we met,
the sprout blossomed

when we kissed,
the bud bloomed

when we exchanged rings,
the flower grew out

when we were at life's peak,
the flower shone like the stars

when we were getting older,
the flower started to wither

when you passed away,
the petals started to flow away

i sit here alone,
in front of your
grave, setting
down the flower
that once bloomed
as our love did.

i have loved you,
over the years,
throughout my
life, we overcame
those difficult and
hard years, together.

i love you, and i will
always be with you,
and you will always
be with me, wherever
i go.

one day there isn't going to be any room to bury anyone anymore

and the more I drink the more I think about you

she rests her eyes on top of the
moon
with her back facing the earth
and her face resting towards the
unknown.

I killed a part of me to keep you alive

these violent delights
have violent ends.

"who hurt you?"

                                                                                                                      "me."

feeling sleepy and sad and weak and dreaming about the stars

his mind is my favorite place to be

'i'm fine'