At your funeral, everyone that I passed said that I looked beautiful.
They said they were so happy to see me but so sad that it had to be this way.
They even said how my bloodshot, tear stained, tired eyes looked pretty and that they'd never even noticed how green they were.
But I couldn't thank them. & yes my eyes looked more green, but only because of the purple bags under them. & I wasn't glad to see them if all that came out of their mouths' was a shaky & mumbled, "I'm sorry," because they knew I was sorry too.

I was swinging on this swing
Like a child from the past
And these thoughts swarmed me
As the bees do in the spring

The time slowed, but I was happy
A blissful moment I yearn for
When my mind was running wild
But my heart was sound and still

It's in these moments I feel again
The beauty that living delivers us
Like the touch of sun after winter
And your flesh begins to smile

But this has passed and here I am
Again in this pit that I've dug
Where I think myself into a whirlwind
As I sink deeper into the hell I've seen

And so life goes round and round
Like a Ferris wheel spins and spins
But there is no such joy in this
Rather an empty hollow space I know

I'm in the void I ran from long ago
Wishing I would have stayed
Wondering what would have been
If only I accepted the reality I was in

My human self filled with chaos
Has brought me to the false present
That is really the death I've chosen
The very fate I've longed to escape

Yet somewhere in me waits for you
I cling to a hope that circles are lies
And there is a way to end this
That I won't keep ending back here

So as these moments of sleep
Pass me by like the wind in the fall
I will float like a leaf until I land
On the grounds my desire's dream

you can love anyone you want.

                                                        but so can they..


-o.m.// call me & tell me you love me again