suicide isn't weak
it doesn't show cowardice.
these are statements
I must repeat daily.

the news brings back
memories flooding at once.

a church refusing a burial
a condemnation to hell
a face wrongly colored
a service more like torture.

no, suicide isn't weak
it doesn't show cowardice.

he was a lion
surrounding himself
with family and love
a lion of a man.

he was loved
he was friends to
so many near and far.

strangers came near and far
to see the great lion
put to his final rest
by his very own hand.

no, suicide is not weak
it doesn't show cowardice.

a lion with a side
no one really did see
sensitive it is apparent
depressed and melancholy.

to take his own life
after everyone saw
the pieces that did
lead to his fall.

the great lion
was still great
even in death,
in memory.

no, suicide is not weak
it doesn't show cowardice.

he left us behind
some do still say
but to say it still
gives him the blame.

he had love
he gave it
for all to enjoy, but
love he did have.

I don't know why
I don't care anymore
the great lion moved on
the great man as well.

he was loved
he is loved.

no, suicide is not weak
it doesn't show cowardice.

depression is something
so many must deal with
must try to control

you don't lose control
and become depressed
you become depressed
and try not to lose control.

if you stand on that edge
of a high up cliff
to a pit of black
at a bottom you can't see

one foot dangling over
one foot planted on the cliff
one gust of wind
one little blow
can push you back over

that is depression.

holding your hand over a flame
you know it's there
you feel the burning
but you try to fight through
to pull your hand away
to stop the searing in your mind

that is depression.

swimming in the ocean
with slices of flesh
gone from your body
the salt stinging all the time
barely a head above water
a wave pulling you under
when you least expect it

that is depression.

pulling yourself back
from the cliff's edge
snatching your hand away
from the torrid flame
propelling yourself to shore
from the deluge of water

that is taking back control.

It's been awhile
I apologize
My time has not been well spent.
I transferred schools
I work a **** job
I have more pain.
Pain inside as always
but more so.
Pain outside
******
migraines and the like.
Neuro switched drugs
I feel hopeless
No tumors on MRI
Joy of joys
I'm still in the dark.
Don't know what's wrong.
I'd cry but as cliche as it sounds
my tears have dried
I have none left.
I bounce between hopeless
and hopeful
as cruel as it sounds.
My brain refuses to settle
on wether it wants to give up
or keep going on
and on
and on
and on...
I'm a little bit rusty
My flow is a tad off
I'm sorry to any and all
Who had the sorrow of this read.

I am the girl
Who had a knife to her wrist
I am the girl
Who had a cord around her throat
I am the girl
Who held a hundred pills in her hand

I'm writing this now
Because I stand on the precipice
Of falling back into
the depression of a previous life

No one really knows
How close I have been
To ending everything
By different manners

As I think back to who I was
I realize that how I feel now
Is not far from I felt then
And I fear this.

I fear falling back into that
Settling back into an old shell
That is comfortable
But the opposite of safe

I hope it is just the imbalance
I hope it is just the change
I hope it isn't permanent
I hope it is over soon

But I was the girl
Who almost committed suicide
.

Why do you write
and not show the world?
Because I fear what others would say.

Why do you write
and not show the world?
Because others would not understand.

I am saddened with this fact
That I so fear the others in the world
Enough so that I would not show myself.

The truth that I do write
Would not be taken lightly
People do not believe what is written.

If they do believe
Read into my words too deeply
I would worry they'd read too much.

Reading into what I say
Too far in to a point of no return
To a point that they pervert what I say.

I am sad, depressed, and angry
But this is where I write it all down
This is where I claim sanctuary from prying eyes.

Our friendship fell
that moment
when I left.

You looked at me
I'd suspect, wondering,
where I would be going.

But I didn't turn
I didn't wave goodbye
I left you wondering why.

You try to speak to me
Text, message, chat
But you warrant no reply.

I left you at that table
I left our friendship
sitting with you.

When I did not turn
You didn't understand
All I left behind.

The times you hurt me
But didn't seem to
fully realize.

I tried to show you
how you hurt me
but you didn't seem to notice.

But when I walked away
I shrugged it off
All that you had done.

Goodbye forever
I'd like to say
But we know that won't last.

Peace  is just a  word
The definition of which
has become warped.

We  live in a peaceful time
or so I've been told.
I don't believe it.

For if this is peaceful,
I would rather have unrest.