Defeaned by the riotous
Expansion and contraction
Of my own heart
The anxious pulsing
Of the red though veins
Sending me into an automatic State of unremitting unease

It roars and bleeds
In a melodramatic fashion
It's infinite desires reverberate
Relentlessly in my head
I cannot contain it
I cannot contain
The hurt it harbours

I do not want to see him
As just another dim-eyed
Figure fading into the crowd
Of the morning scamper
To burdening occupations
That, would break my heart

I have watched this boy  
This man  
Assemble the spare parts
As sadness dripped down his chin
And his,
Was an obvious struggle
The pain was not my own
Yet it consumed me
To the point of harbouring Irrational guilt

In the midst of misfortune
That seeped down from the
Forefathers we share
All his days
His blithesome temperament
Never withered

With all this I hold
All I forget to cherish
That someone
Should have been him
The one standing on these heights.

The voyage to explore
The avenues of forgiveness
Was thwarted by the
Perpetuation of the patterns
Of my nature
Bearer of rancour
Marinating in stagnation
Birthed by unremitting negativity

Unamused by life’s cruel
Sense of humour
I grudgingly gobbled up
The repulsive remains
Of a dish of revenge
I once served
The one who arouses fury.

Perched precariously
Atop a pile of cobblestones
Strung out on
Suppressed fervor
Head high in the clouds
Spiraling in the sweep
Of a whirlwind
Of momentary delusions
Doused in vague
Prospects of merriment

Remember to descend

The wastelands of reality
Might plunder
All these un-promised ends.

Heartache knew
She and I were done
And I needed was
Tranquil repose

The light of the moon
Eclipsed the shadow of earth
It’s symbolism of rebirth
Was evidence of
Possibilities yet to be

Fleeting as hope is
As Illusionary
As the departure of pain is
On that October evening
We tore what remained asunder
And cast it to the bitter winds
Sorrow breathed
It’s final breath.

Visions of wilted lilies
Lifeless raven strewn backyards
Grass robbed of it’s green
Bleeding rivers
Mayhem

Faces contorted with distress
Shrieking
Silence
Shrieking
Silence

The annihilation of bliss
To leave behind
A legacy of pain.

Ensnared in your lasso
My beloved
Dazed by the toxicity
You exude
The glorious mystique
That which you possessed
Faded eons ago
Yet I am still
Binded and blinded
By the calamitous
Hurricane
That is you

Nights we sit
Your breath
On my shoulder
Mumbling lies and filth
Feeding the disturbance
With crazed notions
Altering me

Skewed self-perception
Bleeding hope

Futile attempts
To evade our
Ruinous union
To find myself
Restrained tighter
In the grip of your claws  

Summer times you stole
Memories ought
To have been created
Laughter never felt

Death caught my scent
But I will depart another day
Standing on the edge
Of a tight rope
On borrowed courage
I won't be yours forever.

The peculiar
Transient state of feeling
Visits at night
Under darkened skies
Tucked in the Velveret air’s
Warm embrace
Only then do I have
The audacity
To wrench away
All of my inhibitions

The dreaded daylight comes
Ever so swiftly
In it’s presence
I still choke
On the almost

Cowering in limbo
Waiting for salvation
Have mercy on me,
I am no ordinary woman.

And sometimes
The wind blew
Ever so brutally
In announcement
Of fear’s arrival
As it seeped from the walls
Of the fortress
That became a prison
And into our quivering hearts

Once they were remembered
As beauteous blue-eyed angels
Who assiduously
Served the creator
Once thought of as the holy ones
Who shone the brightest
Free will and they chose evil
The fallen and their father
Whose actions
Gave way to torment
All the unpardonable sins
They committed
In the age
When atrocity prevailed

Now all they seek
Is retribution
Sparse and angry
Gliding in the skies
With rayless halos
And ruptured wings
Listen as God cries
At what has become
Of his creation.

We fell prey
To the illusion
Of open doors
And progress
Bound misfortune
With each passing day
We are turning into statues

Eyes wide open
In procedural anticipation
This could be the year
The light descends

In our wait
We know someday
The horizon will tire
Of our gaze.

In the twilight of dreams
The hollow corridors echo
Louder than ever before
The walls are smeared
In nostalgia
Memories creep in
And congests weary minds
Of youths stripped of youth
Circumstance makes
The heart grow old

In our refusal
To lay down our arms
To the hollow
We march onwards
Like intrepid lions
Cognizant of unkind truth
The way is long
If we crumble now
We may never recover.

I grew old writhing
In manufactured sadness
My being felt the burden
Of regret
The sting of confinement
Plundered the reservoir
Of optimism
That resided deep within

The mirror image
Of my substance
Was merely a worn-out facade
Blinded by fury

One day
I took a deep breath
And sat in my kingdom
Of agglomerated nothingness,
Forever.

Severed from reality
Kept hidden
In my kingdom of grey
I tire of this horror
Do these four walls feel
The wrath of my violent sighs

There is beauty
To be discovered
In the wilderness
Of life
Even then
The ferocious storms
This world creates
Are not to my liking

The answers I seek
Are neither there
Nor here.

Remains of who I was
Are splattered back down
The long winding  road
Breadcrumbs I subconsciously
left to follow back to myself
are long gone
Blown away by the wind

Feet stuck in the grit
Soon I will be in motion
Motivated by what
Maybe a delusion

One hurdle crossed
A thousand more to go
Miles to go before I can breath
Many many miles to go
My spirit is waiting for me
On the other side
The beginning of a whole new
life
Body will meet soul
I will be whole
I will find glory
So I can move among gods.

I have been seeking solace
In fantasies
Of meeting my quietus
All my pleas to the maker
To be exonerated from the tyranny of drudgery
Fell to the wind

In the throes
Of self-abasement
I have been torn asunder
And rue haunts me
Like no ghost ever could

I don't quite know
Where this road
With no footmarks leads
Marching into the uncharted
All what my eyes perceive
Are visions of fractured glass
As I stare into the distance of a destiny painted in eerie hues.

The truism of a fading facade
Diminished novelty
And vanished reverers

Blinded by an idle fancy
Treading on the periphery
Of disgrace
Closer to horror
Than to ecstasy

The vacant spaces
Are growing dimmer

Tangled in high lonesomeness
In your kingdom of grey.

Echoes of yesteryear’s
Blissful laughter
Fade away
As new profound
Sorrow blooms.
Disoriented in the murkiness
Of a wistful haze
Writhing in unending
Spasmodic aches

A new day is born
The mid-morning
Deceptive sunshine
Briefly kisses my skin
The sweet taste
Of what it means
To be human

The paralyzing
Feeling of unraveling
As the May icy winds whistle
Through the eucalyptus trees
Forbodes of calamity.

An endless series
Of refreshing pages
Lost in the
unfathomed depths
Of the lucent screen
Mindless automaton
Caught in a life

No expression
Only a blank stare
Destroyed morale
Acute fixation
With the *******
Cultural barbiturate
The absurdity of it all
Would be comical
If it wasn't unfortunate.

Old hopes
Conversed
In hushed tones
Or not at all

The maddening
Clock ticks
Inflaming
A sense of urgency
The pungent suffocating
Stench of death
Draws closer
And surrounds

How unsettling it is
For the sun to
Keep shining

Smiles
On their faces
Do they not see
The troubles
The shade of ruin
Impregnating the skies

Bound by limitations
And yet all they perceive
Are iridescent rainbows  
In a world without hue.

The forlornness
That lies dormant
Violently wakes
As I stumble on
Images and words
That remind me
Of what eluded my grasp
In the year hope withered

Am I disgruntled
Because I am or
Because I am not
Unanswered questions  
Inhabit my psyche
At last thoroughly consumed
By world that will never
Be mine to take.

The dark
Gave way to the light
And in the very end
The dark returned
To eclipse the light
And we gave in
To the infection
Of the treacherous dark.

In recovery
The concept of "how"
Tends to elude capture
It is the "why"
That ought to
Impel one to reach
For solid ground
As it holds
So much meaning.

Visions of Gallows
Haunt these colourless dreams
As the night consumes me whole

When I wake
I pore over
The series of
Make it or break it moments
That never amounted to anything
All that I ridiculed
Is what I now yearn for
These raging revolving doors
Have no egress.

These pernicious deeds....

Clenched jaw
A trail of the bright-red
And spit
Dribble from the mouth

Stifled mutterings
Of this ends today
Float in the air

Oh, how the need
To stop the engine
Exacerbates
When exchanging
Menacing glances with death

Wrestle the lethargy

The familiar
Awakened guilt
Gnaws away.

Murmurs of sincere well wishes
Filled my ears
And took root in my bones
Calming and enraging my soul

As lies of contentment
Seeped through my teeth
Breathes of truth
Escaped from my being
And I feared the scent
Of desperation
Would make my true desires known
As though their knowledge
Of that which I ache for
Would devoid all my dreams
Of their meaning
Squash the possibility
And obliterate the certitude
Of their fulfillment.

I have never quite understood
The mathematics of us
Or what the missing link
To the equation of our
Mutual adoration was
Perhaps,
It was the abundance of will
With the tragic absence of a way
That led to such a mournful conclusion.

The goodbyes were torment
One by one
They made their way
Through the sliding glass doors
Then disappeared
Into the crowds of
Frustrated travelers
And in their wake
Left a void within me
And an absence that invited
An unbearable chill
I stood in concealed sadness
Wide hopeful dark brown
Peasant eyes
In a child-like fashion
I prayed for a chance at ecstasy
I prayed for my comrades  
To march back through those
Sliding glass doors
And sneak me away.

The orifice
Of the septic
Wound of existence
Is widening.

“It was just a twinge”

The unfortunate escalation of slight
Agony into something
Much bigger than the self
Before you know it
you’re sitting in the blackest hole
Thinking **** **** man
I was just a bit sad
And now I’m in perpetual misery.

Heaving out all my blood-red rage
Clutching the fallen veil
Of blind faith
All these demons follow me
As though I leave a trail

I prayed not to be lathered
With the blood of the messiah
But to be immersed in it
It is glory I seeked
As I hovered above everything
Glory would soon find me

Tripping over calamity
Which ensued day by day
Where was the blood
I pleaded for
Where was the blood
I commanded
All tests of faith revealed themselves
To be eternal suffering

  'Ask and you shall receive'

I prayed not to be lathered
With the blood of the messiah
But to be immersed in it
Shaking my fists
At the heavens
I pleaded and bled
And yet
All these demons follow me
As though I leave a trail.

Veins polluted with the malady that is love
From the lethal sting of Delilah

A man with a virtuous temperament
A devotee
A fool

Parched and empty
Dangling on the edge of reason
Short of resistance
He succumbed to her feign affections
And so it bled and bloomed
A cloak-and-dagger romance
Doomed to crumble.

Head sunk into the soft pillow
Envisioning dreams
That have gathered dust
In the hour notorious
For generating excessive thoughts

Mindlessly listening to the howling
Of early winter's bitter winds
The menacing cold
Piercing my skin
Quick to shiver
These bones have always been
Intolerant of the harsh elements

As though in slow motion
The hours stagger on
Surely this insomnolence
Has made it's point.

Gaze away at the iridescent Cemetery sunrise
While harbouring anger
From previous lifetimes
The seeds of petty discontent  bloomed into a field of sorrow
In it lies a path
That meanders through
Tracing the origins of tragedy
And leading back to the womb

Memories of October
When you were highly favoured
Are etched on your skin
Like old scars
Brought back from war

You dissolve in the shadows
Of the light shines upon them all
Always the forgotten

Struck with two little arrows
Is your heart in your hands
Always in your trembling hands

Your resolve wore thin
Safe as houses no more
No longer will you bury yourself
beneath these sins
The flood of aftereffect
Is corroding what remains
When the time comes
I will stand on the gallows
Beside you.

The wind is roaring
As though it wishes
To make a remark
Doused in mockery
All this rain never did wash away
The sadness in my bones

The waves are crashing
In disturbing intensity  
Against the pearly white sands
Of the shore
The sea of melancholy
Whose waters I swim
Is calling my name  
Yet again

All roads lead to ruin
But I would much rather
Traverse the wilderness of this life
On dry land.

The burn

of the smoldering

embers of deceit

is eternal.

The nights are kind
For they let me drift off
Into a deep slumber
In pitiless daylight
I ponder on the not happened yet

The flood of thought
Deadens my soul
Envy taints it
I Linger in the shadows
Perpetuating the stain
Of my ascendants
Volition is an illusion

The silence of my own silence
savagely cuts like a warrior’s machete
Dismembering the remnants
of my authentic self
The design of my misfortune
Was perfectly orchestrated by the ingenuity of diablo

Distress inhabits the catacombs of my mind
Strangling on the lasso of consequence
Perpetually atoning for unknown sins
From another lifetime.

Thunderous footsteps of wolves
Gathering at my feet
Nourish my fear
The demons of recent past are screeching
Outside my door

That which plagues, devours
The blood I lost grew cold
As have I.

The significance

Of the unintended

Is the bane of my existence

Deafened by the eerie echoes of regret

Whose sounds make a mockery of my soul

I pray for the fear to go to sleep.

Serenity under the ripe lurid sun
The steady breeze of air
From the mountain peak
Created sublime hymns
of rebirth and restoration
And filled the chasm in my heart
Through and through

Enclosed in auroras majestic luminescence
Weightless and lionhearted
Unconstrained by trivialities
Of everyday obligations
I pondered on the authenticity
Of new found clarity

As I fed on the tantalizing
aroma of euphoria
I savoured each breath

When I emerged
From the picturesque surrounds
I prayed I had abandoned all my convictions
In the field of yellow stained daffodils.

The wind blew in violent cold gusts
And took all my words with it
To leave consciousness barren
My pen bleeds no more.

And when we returned
we had been changed
We felt emptier
Depleted
Bitter

In perpetual wanting
Discontent siphoned off
The air in our lungs
All we gave blood for
Came to pass

Somehow
The heavy weight
Of realised heavy hopes and dreams
Pulled us into the ground.

They ceaselessly blathered about society
How it should burn
For all it’s wrongs, decay
And unjust judgmental hypocrisy
With such conviction
It was as though
This “Supreme” species
Had forgotten that they too
Are this society they loathe.

It was kindness
That wore the heart
Only to leave it resembling
a tombstone swathed in ice
A certain kind of profound weariness
That made the blood that flowed within, congeal

Wear shame
Wear it well
The saccharine faded
All that you cleave to
Is sticky with rage

Crossed the Rubicon
Only to plunge
Into the burrow of circumstance
Your pillow remains infertile
Path, dreary

One relapse from settling the score
Trail the footsteps of your forefathers
As the earsplitting ticking time bomb ticks
The enchanting nights of levitation are numbered.

Apathetic disposition
Plundered all emotion
It was a curse to be her everything
The fragile egg she clung to
It was as though
moon-flowers bloomed from my eyes
Never mind the thorns
That bulged out
Of my irises

What was I to do
With the abundance of affection
Would I forever be in her debt
Walk the straight and narrow
Sorely to express my gratitude
And relieve my ever so burdened conscious.