I do not know why or how
I conceived the notion
Of being the exception
Where has irrevocable devotion drained away to
All I know is nobody I know has it.

He softens my spirit
Sorely by being
Touch laced with prose
My bones delicate
Holding soothe
In the palm of his beautiful hands
Feeds it to me with reckless abandon
I know not where he has been
Nor where he is going
My very own path riddled in murk
Faithless destiny veiled in azaleas
I have worshipped in wrong alters
Built cathedrals with the bones
Of withered ghosts
The misspent vermilion on the floor
The way the darkness
Catapults a disappointed heart
Still, I love
It is for such, I agitate my heart.

Vine dangles from fingertips
Moss coils around
These tired and desperate attempts
To quench the thirst of affirmation
Frenzy tapering into soothing complacency
All my intentions swallowed by the haze
Grasping at impalpable forevermore
The alluring unattainable
Maddening desire for lace
All my sacrificial longing carried to sea
Beings with dead devotion
The ghosts on the shore
Wash up at my feet.

River and the sea
Awash in brume
Transient collides with  perpetual longing
Pebble in a pond
Drowned out melodies
Devotion silently seeping
Into the dust
Endings and crooked vantage points
Anchor me to Forevermore.

Laboured breaths
The deafening silence
Choosing so delicately opaque words
Strung of frail prospect
Fortifying the ease of hurt

I have seen what the darkness does
When love rears it’s ugly head
That staggered gait
Hands clasped with mine
Resolute in your ambiguity
But you left that night
When the you I knew, withered.

Woke from reverie
Cinders gathering at my feet
Nothing remains
Misaligned
Rearranged fragments of grace
He is there, still 
Dwelling
In the fissures of memory
Bleeding feigned devotion
I am not there
A ghost town
Where my heart used to be
Crashing melody
Freezing mercury, no more
Violet air in my lungs
These bones of what I used to believe in
I would have ripped through God
To be with him.

Grief blooms to break
Like wildflowers
Corroding spine, brittle
Wrapped in debris
The visceral need to immortalise
This parenthesis in eternity
Clouds dissipating between fervent hands
Precious transiency
Colliding with undying longing
Soil in my fingers, still
This unforgiving tide
Drowning me at sea.

An ocean bleeds
Through the spaces
Of my tremulous fingers
I taste decaying sentiment
Tucked beneath ritual
Adrift in reverie, still
Ruptured by the hand of fate
The outskirts of a worn out aria
Cosmic wasteland, lost
Treading backwards
Aftermath of visceral escapism
Faux antidotes
Once veiled in promise.

Lace these faux emotions
In trickery
To drench this void
Hungering for devotion
With flaming apparitions
Of sooth

Wrapped in debris
Of florid sensibility, wasted
Violets burgeoning
In the spaces
Between my ribcage
Turned toxic
These deflated veins
Eviscerated of content.

What was, constellates
At my feet
Like fathomless thoughts
Coiled around spirit
Like ivy
What is, consumes
And unsettles
These rayless irises
The halo that unhinged
To become a different shadow

The shadow of death
Seeps through the fissures
In the walls
Carefully sculpted
Arcadian descent
Ominous, fated
Where has this life
Drained away to
All that remains is
Discarded fervour
Inertia's unflinching grip

Past the border of
illusionary threadbare mirth
Lies blinding white
A penumbra of defeaning static
Looming over the being
The violent hollow that consumes
And never dies.

Dandelion dust
Erupting in your wake
Am I the shadow now
Hungering for a hint
Of your glow
The murk on your halo
The effluence tarnishing
Your atmosphere
Gentle in your release

Tear it asunder
Forsake this
Impermanent delight
This craze
Bury it under the blanket
of your yesterday

My devotion
Carried away in the breeze
Unwelcome dwellings
Nestling in my core
Ripping through
An intrepid spirit
Fortified with humiliation
Recquainted with this avenue
Once more
Where fervour hangs it's boots
Am I the shadow now, my sweet
Tugging at the hem of your trousers

Bed of chaos
Colliding warmth with tremble
Skin meshed with skin
Tongues meeting in the midst
Of fiery tandem breathes
Sensual haze
Laced with amorous fever
Gentle carress
Awakening
Shivers of electricity pulsating
Inside of blood
Burning throughout souls
Hearts throbbing
Outside of chests
Afire with emergent need
My earth wet
Ready to bury your treasure
In me

Impending doom reeks
Of a stench I cannot erase
Enswathed in condensed
Dithery smog
A chasm sighs open
As vast as the blue
In which I submit
To the pull of the tide
Without sound
Fade into ether
Exhale

Fathomless sentiment
Lingers in the trenches
Of a vacuous chest cavity
Devouring what remains
This freezing flame
Beneath skin,
Seething mercury
The wordless ache
Contained in the belly's pit.

A tomorrow draped in murk
Domiciled in the moons shadow,
Recoiled
I'll betray my chemistry
To quell the the ache
Congealed at my feet
off the path of reason
These winds casting me
Adrift
To rest my bones
On fleeting conscious

The phantasma of bliss
Trails my blood
Lulling the deafening
Sounds of calamity's foreboding
This spent gift of reprieve
Acidic destruction brewing
In the tip of fingers
Break to bloom
The lingering everblack
Subduing daybreak
Recoiled in nevermore
Biting my tongue
Holding tales of anguish
Beneath my tenuous breath

Aurora's resplendence aloft
Setting irises aglow
Ashen hazel
Erupting into stardust
Mirror of the soul drenched
In tenderness
Capturing the essence of perfection
Eyes like Jerusalem
Sublime in your bones
You bleed halcyon
Suffusing the bare with pigment

Transfixed in your delicate gaze
Fading in the kaleidoscope
Of your halo, anchored
A conduit replaying an echo
Of transient inhaled solace
A rapturous smile
Breaths life into corrupted lungs
Filling the darkest of dwellings
As though to lasso the moon
To present it at my feet

You leave shards of your halo
Hovering over my very essence
Dispossesing rational
Sowing the root of need
Your soil in my fingernails
Nurturing
A plant hungering for effloresce
To pry from your ungenerous fists
These half hearted declarations
Laced with fiction
Spewed
From your mildewed heart
Bruising disposition
In absence of rue
Yet to descend
From where which holds it captive

You leave shards of being
Catacombed within
My vacuous heart
Rebellious desire
Betraying intention
To Spiral in your opaque

Conjure up prismatic realities
To pacify
The Unscratchable itch
Of want
With words doused in artifice
Fervour in the palm of hands
Brimming in fingertips
Lay awaste

The horizon gleams
With the sight of burgeoning despair
The halt of calm
Reason devouring the
The ephemeral mist of utopia
Razors edge has always cradled
And contained
The incorrigible dreamer

Saudade knocks on your door
Whispering September's forgotten promise
A spring that blooms
Palpable authenticity.

Passion in my paint
Faded like exhaled breath
On a cold winter’s day
My words stripped
Of their grandeur
In the avalanche of phantom bliss

Disquieting quietude drenches the aftermath
I need this dirge
To spread through like a contagion
Corroding the chimaera of merriment
Primordial saudade
Defiling the canvas with
Blood shot ink
Once more.

If I were to follow my feet
They would lead me to your door
Awash in your everfecence, still
The author of all that has come
To define my path

I emerged from the depths
Of my own volition
Melted into you
Offering my devoted bones respite


You linger at the doorway, still
Slithering into the perforated
Surface of my fragile core
Ever so often
Everything I am is still held by your gaze
Every breath laced with thoughts of you
My sweet

The colour of pearl
Is how I think of you
It will never pass my lips
You are forever.

The day I met you
I woke to find violets
Blooming in the spaces
Between my ribcage
The awakener of spirit
Offering the gift of reprieve
Now safely tucked inside a rememberer's heart

I would have fled my home
Left the door ajar
To run towards loving you boldly
Arms outstretched
I fancied you would return
My devoted bones
Still wanting you  

I still find you hovering
In memories laced with fiction
The ardency of my need
Like the way the frothy sea
Longs for the shore
Uninterrupted in time
Reaching towards never away
Evermore

You were the crimson hue
That incardinined my skies
Setting my core ablaze
Into a raging inferno
The efflorescence of my becoming.

I do not want to be the shadow
Trailing in your wake
Grasping at your impalpable luminescence
Or the tremulous hands tugging
At the hem of your trousers  
I am moth. You are flame
The dying sun in my horizon
I can turn you into poetry
But I cannot make you love me.

Something in the wood took you
I try to find pieces
Of your very being
Tucked beneath some moss rock
Or underground
In burrows of the thick and tangled undergrowth

Amidst a stillness
Tainted by an eerie drone
Suffusing the atmosphere
Traversing a terrain
Devoid of landmarks
I follow faint footprints
A sullen scent
I can hardly recall
A dulled voice
Sifting through the pine  
You are not there
All that remains of you is
An echo of an echo (of an echo).

His name lives
In between panic ragged breaths
The essence of man
Perfection,
I will never hold
In my trembling arms
He is the wavering ocean
I am just a pebble
In a still pond.

Parade ambiguity
In the face of discarded sentiment
To hasten the collapse

Feet anchored
On the borderlines you drew
The perfect idea
That failed to hold true
The essence of void,
Your departure

Scattered stars
Out of view
Once more into the fold of Incomprehensible despair
I carry our story in my hands
All I have is the story.

He kept pounding
On the door of her heart
Athirst for the scent of
The bloom of the plant  
To absorb the decadence
Of whimsical charm
That which seeped from her being
Irises that bled a rivulet
Of scarlet roses
Conquered a man
Dictated by a savage desire
To bathe in
The impalpable shimmer
Of her pearl white hydrangea
Adorned sun halo.

Darling, your face is my favourite
The afterglow of eventide
Flashing golden brown
On your cheek
Pulsating vibrancy
Infusing placidity,
Lucidity
Into my anarchy suffused heart
My very being awash in tenderness
That which you exhale
Darling, you are my most indulgent narcotic

Splendiferous blousy hydrangea
Flourishing with life
My affection soaring
Like the hue
Of the bloom of the plant
Whose fragrance reminds me
Of your tenderness.

The certitude of abandon
Clear like the diamond on her ring
I was always bound to be the one
Left with my heart
Throbbing outside of my chest
Consumed in adoration
This life ebbs away
With torrents of unkind truth
It congeals at my feet, my dear
This inexorable despair.

Fading mirage
Like the sun dying
Down over the highway
You took your light
And infused it whole into another

I buried you
Among the ruins
Of discarded daydreams
The ghost
Of what you made me feel
Hovers

Tapering on this broken
lifeline
The tiny speck of blue
Blooms into a field of sorrow

Fading mirage
Like the sun dying
Down over the highway
You took your light
And left a hand print
On my door.

Tremulous hands
Severed fingers  
Hanging onto the edge
Of a blurred dream
Slowly turning into a nightmare

Reveries interrupted by
An atmosphere gone sour
Distorted realities
Doused in madness
Pity and fear
Of a poet well versed
In the art of self immolation

You bury yourself
Beneath a veneer of apathy
As though it offers fortification
Then slowly without realising
The wind blows
Through your quietude
Unraveling your every thought
The shift
Reminding you of how
Your bones crackle and ache
The way your irises sting
To alarm you of hurt
Your heart is yet to feel

In high lonesomeness
Silence sounds like water
Running in a dark cave
And you are falling down
Into nothing

Violent effort lay waste
To writhe in distress
Body and spirit
Passion in my paint
Fading like cigarette smoke

The overlap of lines
Suffering or hardwork
The familiar bother

Visions of brand new skies
Over the hill
The slither
Into the portal
Of false hope
Fabricated gaiety
Broken glasses
Never half full
Golden gates sealed by fate

The thick mist
Of pessimism drenches
The aftermath
Of trampled dreams gone cold
And the ones
That ran away like children
Leave me comatose
In the hibernaculum
The wings of mirth
Never wanted me.

When she loves
She loves savagely
The man became God
Unalterable ardour
Not of this realm
Her soul.

Baptise me
In the glow
Of your halo
Traces of euphoria
Courses through my blood
A riot in my head births
As I recall the day
You marched
Into my hollow
Inflaming
A magnificent tempest
That fill the pages
Of all that I write
Your words
Weaved into the intricate spaces
Of my impenetrable heart
To leave it radiating
Unimpeded adoration.

He is there
Lurking
In the trenches
Of my psyche
I can feel him
Coursing through my veins
He lives in the spaces
Between my words

Ravaged by the tyranny
Of want
Stirring in my desolation
On the borderlines
Of the graceful surrender
And the steadfast grip
For he is my tomorrow
My redeemer
The skeleton key
Opening me.

Submerged
Under the deluge
Of your revulsion
Bloodletting tyrant
With cataclysmic desires
The monomanical devotion
To your insatiable thirst
For malevolence
Has betrayed us all.

Deleted poem

Many moons have passed
Since your hands
Were last entwined
In the spaces between mine
The ebb and flow of life continues
I still choke
On grains of dust
That wildly rose
From your callous departure
Images of your fading tail lights
Haunt my dreams without hue
I can still hear your echo
Footprints on cement
I burn in my rue.

The raging sea
Invading
My deflated spirits
In waves,
Tidal
Awakener
Of discarded sentiment

Poetry strung of
Thoughts of you
Your halo
And the grandeur
In which you swim
The alchemy impelling
The birth of ardent need
Unfathomable, unbridled
Altering sleep patterns

Find beauty in my madness
Pierce my fragmentary blue
To paint me a velvet sky.

Ecstasy seeped into vena
The purloin of senses
The profuse thud of a heart
On edge
Igniting bedlam
Doused in consequence
Of a shattery bliss.*


18/08/2014

Ethereal drift
In the debauchery
Of dead devotion
Suffused with anarchy
No more
Hollowed out fervour
Fragmented
And carelessly
Stitched resolve
Awaken the inferno
Of ripened emotion
To set the core ablaze.