and i am afraid that the alcohol i drink
is filling up my body so much
to the point where i am starting to choke
on my last words

i am already six feet underground,
rehearsing my goodbyes i never got to say

i am getting drowned in the tears of those
who never showed love to me when i was alive
but are showing it now that i am dead

the drugs coursing through my veins
are decaying my body
and i am nothing more
than a skeleton in the ground

at least if i am dead i will no longer receive
the pain i know i did not deserve
when i was alive

you were stiff,
talking monotone,
soulless.

where did my brother go?

your smile would brighten my day,
and you were so playful.
i miss that.

i don't know who this new person is.

it was barely a person;
i couldn't maintain eye contact
because i didn't know who i was looking at.

i'm sorry your brain doesn't work like others

i regret treating you poorly;
you did not deserve that,
for you cannot control what your head tells you.

will i ever meet the old you again?

god i hope i can look back
at how dramatic i am

i hope i will be here to reflect on my mistakes,
on my regrets

tears blur my vision;
i cannot see far enough into my future

every wound, every mark,
i become less hopeful

maybe things do change,
but this feels like rock bottom.

I wish I were a bird
Though not just to fly
But to be void of troubles
That is why