I want but I feel I have nothing new to contribute, nothing of substance or worth. But, it is how I am, how I react, how I move, what I create on occasion that no one else can do. I want to do what no one else can do but I’m too lazy to work towards it. My self-esteem is in shreds and it is because I have become dependent. Dependant on drugs, alcohol, approval, men - superficial momentary highs that end in zombied depressive comedowns.

I’m too lazy to try. I hate myself too much, I’m too lazy and yet my ego is too big to work on myself. A wise woman once said: ‘U can never be loved deeply if you don’t love yourself’.

The tears don’t feel like going out.
She's stuck to the bed.
Numbed frown.
Lips conjealed.
Dancing feet frozen.
She doesn’t feel like life today.
She stops.
She sinks.

******* just to feel.
something.
anything
a ten second high
addictive personality
She rolls up her life, her future, her personality, her intellect and potential into Rizzla every day,
lighter at the ready she burns.

Fight the monster dragon girl.
You are fuelled by a powerful inner fire, use it.
Stand high on your strong posture.
Raise your sinewy chin in superiority
Roar.
Steam the bastardry
incinerate them.
Bye bye.

Immobile.
Paralysed.
Foul smelling.
Feeble.
She went with the flow
Insignificant.
Boring.
Unoriginal.
Sheepish.
Incapable of breaking free of the shoal she drowned.
Only dead fish go with the flow.

The artfully disguised crypt was her kryptonite.
She leaned on her foundational support, but it cracked.
But luckily cracks make us more accessible.
She lay propped up.
She was the type to bruise cold and well.

Groans.
Drink yourself away,
Drain drown your sins.
maybe a new you will emerge.
A you that you could be proud to walk about.
On a leash, choking.
Poison suppresses your organs.
Success.
Faded.

I don’t think things through.
Pensive punishment for anything slightly out of place,
n’importe quoi
I overthink.