in a sense -
"        I tried;        "
still, I couldn't receive
I'd penned :
      bereaved and
believed
                 to mean
       the same
                 thing.

I think somewhere in this, I'm going to figure out, you know .. how it's done & through all the many ways it takes. lessons become teachers because people forget how to treat truth.
but everything is community in my mind. nothing happens without something else; I never understood the need to fight that. i digest in my head but what would I do without my right hand ? it's me and every other part of my body. I'm never alone. lonely is a lie we tell ourselves. there are always birds. always books. I meet a lot of people when I read & I never explain a thing. this reminds me of my love for dogs. to provide without need. a beautiful, beautiful thing. but words get abused like substance & when something is felt, we get confused, trying to explain it, trying to feed it. instead of just feeling it.

love is
it is;
it's
to wish you
well-off
not to dissolve

while melting
and honey,
I'm melting

why can't I
can't I
can't
I can't
catch this
catch my
gasp, ******
this breath

why can't I have it ?
I've had it
with
astronaut emotion
head in outer space
what goes up
must come down

but I've been

d
o
w
n

drowned & coming up for air
at the last second to explode
the need to inhale
something
you or air

I c a n n o t decide which feels better

I am ashamed of my love for you
when all of the earth is denied
but without you

(& oh, how I live without you)

I am compiled
I'm:
undersupplied

sleeping beside
a mirage of sleeping next to you
this constant reprieve

I'm being denied response
denied life
denied pride
self deprived
watch me, deny grief
I deny I
so many times
like time denies life
then I deny me

oh
p l e a s e

have me
so I can find *s l e e p

I'm finished in this spitting divinity down thankless throats

suspending what love you chose to dose for me, hung over my hope

I'm feeding off trees in this jungle of uniform stillness; darling say something.

be not in-cautious with me
please
it is my plea
I cannot stop this loving you
but I can break myself free

it is at night that it bites me
memories like fleas
the battle against drinking my way under sheets to find peace

I waste myself on the outflank of love
I as in I to me
I cannot torture us anymore
I need to be loved without the bleed

Had I used half the wit I get from my mother, I wouldn't have crowned you with every ounce of my mouth or crawled, calling you the Queen in the kingdom under my covers

I just want
coffee
and a quiet
place to sit
this ain't a song about
love
it is a list about
lips
I'm not here to sip or kiss from
just sat down to listen
the art of un-touching becomes;
that self-worth preserves wisdom

there's a windowpane's screen
covered with tiny flocks of moths
without concern of any sort
I watched you knock them all off

you watched me
untuck all my pockets
ready, you let me
*give this all up

it's a front-flip
got away

align out thinking we felt like this
envying teeth
the way your bottom lip curls
I curve at your corners
climb inside
someone give me shoulders to walk with
legs to speak
I'm tasting you from behind my eyelids
cause my mouth knows better

I lay my lighter on the title written Fire
I crawl inside a bedded box
relieve my body of attire
I tend to sleep on the right half
(the left half needs sweeping)
I need to quit seeing you lying there
I need to quit this all-night-drinking

Now who's thinking for me while I think about you ?
certainly not the same brain
that's been trained
to think things t h r o u g h

what do I do now
wanting to do you
do I
sit sit in this room  
& bang myself blue ?
do I do myself stupid
or ask again what to do ?

I am through with it
i'm through
I know just what to do
busting through lust's must
I get fronted by the view
*this front of you