nothing here is mended, it's underneath my skin
hidden by the layers of my flesh-colored chagrin
newness i've not welcomed, or not the way i should
for i could not compel myself to move from where i stood
and so the clock has started, it's turned itself anew
keeping time despite the fact that i can't follow suit
i'm parallel to minutes, for seconds pass too quick
but i believe eventually my hands will lose their grip
it's telling of my nature, symbolic to the core
the way i want to hold onto the things that fuel the war
soon i'll be surrounded by all that i have made
the demons that i've kept inside will go out on parade
see, someone had been searching my lonely wounded heart
and piecing it together every time i fell apart
but i have reached my limit, my seeker left me be
in body - yes - in spirit - no - i'm circling this tree
its roots are the foundation, personified divine
nurtured by the fluids that are leaking from my spine
i'm mindful of the secrets stored within this source
filtered through perceptive thoughts and carried as a force
everything i'm made of are things that can't be seen
and that is why the seeker lives - to disengage the screen

I felt more pure after I lost my innocence:
your breath on mine, the scent of angels
chorused from our neck to spine to cheek
and drifted to a southern ridge of my body –
I knew, I knew it was the best I’d ever be,
merged with a man who found my purity.

It was light on the skin, a delicate blend
of morning’s hellos and an evening’s rest –
you you you grabbed a ******’s pale breast
and I I I let you ******, handle, change it.

Then no longer a girl, I laid on my side –
oh, how I felt when you were still there!
I was not chilled or lonely, I became alive
and kissed your coarse edges I had known
inside my frame, my pinkness apart so
he would find my purity going by, by, by.

A home for neglected hearts
Each battered and bruised
Still fighting
Yet, never to find each other

Yearning only shows the cracks
The fragility of something so strong
Hoping only weakens conviction
When there is no action to take

August 26, 2012

When he looks at me, it feels like he looks right through me. His eyes pierce through mine like a red hot nail. Just one quick look and every part of me from the inside starts wiggling. It's the way it feels that he's reading my thoughts when he looks at me, like he knows exactly how he's making me feel and he does it on purpose to drive me insane because he gets a rush off it.
Every time he speaks, opens his mouth, moves his lips, so beautiful, it kills me to have to control myself. All I can see is him using those strong teeth to bite into my neck to muffle the moans. And when he laughs, it sends a warm happiness into me. Like if he's happy, I can be happy, and when he's sad, nothing is right.
And oh god, when he smiles.
He is so remarkable. Like a perfect sculpture of humanity. A rigid, masculine jaw, solid hipbones, a small, muscular waist, toned arms that have just a little more than a hint of proud biceps, and a smile that lights up the country.
He is my best friend. Like brother and sister. But siblings don't spend a ****, beautiful, romantic night together that feels so right right and feels so wrong, and means so much, and means so little.
Maybe one day, he'll see how happy I want to make him. Time to try again.

One day not far in the future
I'll remember how I have grown
Fondly I'll walk through the tragedies
and the heartbreak that have shown
That some people cannot be made good,
Their cuts and scrapes are too deep.
Scars have formed on their hearts
Desperately inching towards sleep.
I'll pray for the brightest smiles.
I'll think of those laughing the most.
They're the ones desperate for love.
They're the ones living as ghosts.
I'll tell my children and grandchildren
That not every smile is warm;
Not every hand is worth holding
Some showers are often a storm.
Steer clear of those with hatred.
Never mistake them for misunderstood.
Grudges spread war and unhappiness.
From them I have learned nothing good.
I'll tell them what my mother told me
And what I've learned over time.
When you're trapped in the valley of shadows
Think nothing other than climb.

The Wait:
don’t look for love in public spaces
love is shy always
hesitating she comes with flowing grace
to the patient lover
in the end all that is needed
is to look into the mirror –
in the reflection of your eyes
you’ll find her!

The First Smile:
Oh! Say not that this world is mean
do not turn your face away from me!
the lack of a smile in return
was not intended to spurn
but your smile left me so captivated
so caught up and fascinated,
that even as my heart somersaulted,
my lips forgot to smile!

Being Together:
the mist hides my secrets,
of it are born my desires
the arc of the moon expands to contain
every wish of this lovesick heart
the morning but amplifies this-
the sweetness of the night’s embrace
on sleepless pyres were burnt our passions
on winter’s breath our dreams impaled!

Inseparability:*
Love isn’t Love
until one sees
that I am You
and You are Me
so where lies the question
of coming and going
wherever you are
there I shall be!

- Vijayalakshmi Harish
Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish

I want to go
Wherever it is
That you are.

I want to escape
From my home
Because at this age
It feels more like a prison.

I want you
To be with me
For us to be free.

Free to make love
Marry
To live our lives
And just be together.

I just want
**Want You.