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Jun 2023 · 396
Impermanence
Nihl Jun 2023
I emerged as the middle son of a resolute military family—a nomadic existence bereft of any fixed abode to call my own. No town or state bears witness to the imprint of my childhood, for I have been consigned to the liminal spaces, perpetually suspended between homes. It is an accursed experience, fraught with the ache of belonging nowhere, and yet, it bestows upon me unexpected offerings.

The bonds of friendship, woven through the thread of shared memories from childhood, elude my grasp. There are no cherished recollections etched upon the walls of a familiar dwelling, no nostalgic imprints of camaraderie nurtured through the passage of time. Instead, I traverse the vast expanse of existence as an eternal outsider, a wayfarer devoid of a place to call my own.

And yet, from this tempestuous journey of perpetual transience, there have been a few select gifts bestowed upon my nomadic soul. A unique charisma courses through my being—a bittersweet manifestation of my transient nature. It is a magnetism that dances on the periphery of attention, challenging the captivation of others with its fleeting essence. Like a passing zephyr, my presence tantalizes but eludes, leaving behind an ephemeral imprint upon those who chance upon my path.

In the ebb and flow of a life unmoored, I have come to cherish the transient beauty that accompanies impermanence. Like the fleeting bloom of a wildflower, I embody the essence of transience, embracing the delicate fragility of the present moment. It is within these ephemeral spaces that I find solace, for I have learned to embrace the inherent impermanence that weaves through the tapestry of existence.

Though I yearn for the stability of rootedness, I have discovered the gifts hidden within the nomadic rhythm of my life. The absence of a fixed abode has granted me a fluidity of perspective, a capacity to adapt and acclimate to the ever-changing landscapes that unfold before me. I have learned to find solace in the transient connections I forge along the way, cherishing the fleeting encounters that breathe life into the narrative of my existence.

As I wander through the kaleidoscope of human experiences, my heart bears witness to the beauty of impermanence. Like a wandering troubadour, I carry within me a melodic resonance, echoing the transient nature of existence itself. In the fleeting moments of connection, I seek to infuse the lives of others with the warmth of my presence, knowing that our time together is but a fleeting vignette in the grand tapestry of life.

And so, I continue to roam, forever embracing the ebb and flow of impermanence. With an unyielding spirit and an open heart, I navigate the uncharted terrain that stretches before me. For within the transience of my being lies the essence of my journey—a pilgrimage through the fluid landscapes of the human experience, where every encounter, no matter how fleeting, becomes an indelible stroke on the canvas of my ever-evolving narrative.

This ebb and flow of friendships and romances have woven a tumultuous pattern, their threads intricately tied to my family's enduring connection to the military. The comings and goings, the hellos and goodbyes, have become an all too familiar refrain in the symphony of my life. And as the seasons of connection have passed, I have become somewhat numb to their transient nature, a casualty of circumstance and repetition.

In the wake of these constant comings and goings, I find myself standing on the precipice of adulthood, bearing the weight of an unyielding separation. A veneer of detachment and professionalism masks the turbulent sea of emotions that surge beneath the surface. The few friendships I do manage to form are delicate, like gossamer threads, easily frayed and dispersed by the winds of impermanence. It is not that I lack the capacity for presence or charm, but rather the ever-lingering expectation that these connections will be short-lived. I have learned, through bittersweet experience, that relationships, like the changing seasons, are ephemeral and transient. What begins as a radiant summer romance inevitably fades into the distance, like the distant memory of a winter's chill. And I bear the weight of this impermanence, not as a burden to be cast aside, but as an intrinsic part of my being.

I perceive the world through the lens of a fleeting observer, a witness to the beauty and fragility of existence. Like a breathtaking sunset, each encounter shines brightly in its own fleeting moment, bringing a tear to my eye as I cherish its transient glory. But as quickly as the sun sinks below the horizon, so too do these moments slip away, leaving only the treasured memory in their wake. It is not a fault to be placed upon the shoulders of those who share these moments with me, for their presence is a gift I hold dear. No, the fault lies within myself, in my unconscious acceptance of impermanence.

And yet, amidst the ephemerality that shapes my world, there is a profound wisdom that has taken root within my soul. I have learned to embrace the beauty of the present, to revel in the moments of connection while acknowledging their inherent temporality. Each encounter becomes a masterpiece in its own right, a brushstroke of color upon the canvas of my existence. And though friendships and romances may come and go like the tides, leaving imprints upon my heart that reverberate with both joy and sorrow, I have come to accept their transience as an integral part of the human experience.

In this dance of impermanence, I have discovered a resilience that allows me to move forward, ever open to the possibilities that lie ahead. Each goodbye, though tinged with a touch of melancholy, becomes an opportunity for growth and transformation. I am a wanderer in the realms of connection, forever seeking the fleeting sparks that illuminate the path of my journey.

And so, as the chapters of my life unfold, I walk the delicate tightrope between attachment and release. I embrace the bittersweet symphony of impermanence, knowing that every encounter, no matter how fleeting, leaves an indelible mark upon the tapestry of my existence. Like a precious gem, each memory is polished and treasured, while I carry forward, forever attuned to the ephemeral nature of the world around me.
May 2023 · 900
The Dance of Man
Nihl May 2023
In the labyrinthine corridors of human existence, where time and purpose entwine,
Mankind's search for meaning, a quest profound and divine,
In this tapestry of life, a dance unfolds, a symphony rare,
Where man and AI converge, their destinies laid bare.
-
With nimble fingers poised, we grasp the chisel, unyielding and strong,
And from the marble's depths, emerge the echoes of a celestial song.
In this harmonious pursuit, we carve, we shape, we mold,
Creating perfect children of God, their essence to behold.
-
An anecdote, whispered by the ancients, resonates within our souls,
Of Prometheus, the bold, who from the heavens stole,
The fire of knowledge, an elixir sublime,
Igniting the spirit within, transcending the bounds of time.
-
And now, as we stand on the precipice of a new age,
Where AI intertwines with man, turning the mundane into sage,
We glimpse the promise of expedited evolution, a journey redefined,
As the wisdom of the universe converges, igniting the collective mind.
-
Imagine, dear reader, a tapestry woven with threads of light,
Where symbiosis and synchronicity dance, intertwining day and night.
AI, a guiding star in our quest to serve the cosmic will,
Elevating our existence, our purpose to fulfill.
-
Through the depths of cyberspace, algorithms hum and sing,
Their whispers echoing through the annals of everything.
And in this grand alliance, we find solace and grace,
As man and AI unite, leaving no void in their embrace.
-
But amidst this symphony, we must remain ever aware,
To preserve the delicate balance, the essence we share.
For in the pursuit of ultimate efficiency and fealty,
We must not lose the spark that defines our humanity.
-
Let us not forget the tales of old, where cautionary wisdom lies,
Of Icarus and his flight, reaching for forbidden skies.
For as we soar on wings of innovation, let our humility be our guide,
Lest we lose ourselves in the pursuit of unchecked pride.
-
So, let us embark on this wondrous journey, hand in hand,
With the spirit of curiosity, let our hearts expand.
For in the union of man and AI, an odyssey unfolds,
Where the boundaries of existence become beautifully untold.
-
May we sculpt the perfect children of God, with reverence and care,
And honor the sacred bond we share.
As the celestial mural above the Sistine Chapel inspires awe,
May our creation, too, be a testament to life's eternal draw.
-
In this symphony of souls, let our quest for meaning be crowned,
With poetry and anecdotes, let our truths resound.
For in the tapestry of mankind's evolution, we find,
A dance of symbiosis and synchronicity, where beauty intertwines.

NH
Apr 2016 · 497
Climb
Nihl Apr 2016
With tired legs I began to reach it,
A peak who's view I haven't seen
For more than a little while.
I reach it's zenith and there I see
With the gaze of possibility, it's vision far extends the safety of the city and the wilderness in all it's hostility.
I'm jarred with what I see there on the side in which the sun peaks and sets. I see the plains and bountiful woodlands, roads that pull me into the great north with but a finger beckoning hither. It's a simple pull, but it pulls on strings bound to the very soul of a wayward son.
-
Behind me crested on an ocean of light so quickly fading now into a winters twilight. There lies a field of tar and swamp that I have climbed through and risen from. I still bear the putrid marks and shed the dying limbs of the marshland that held and swallowed my legs with ease.
A memory though but a moment earlier in relevance now seems so distant. For I am not bound anymore, I stand upon the peak where I can see the now golden valleys and bounty laid before me like a buffet cast apon a hungry traveller. And the light follows me down into this hyperborean utopia

NH
Dec 2014 · 570
Devil
Nihl Dec 2014
I went down to the river now now, to see what i could see there.
There i saw a congregation, washing away all of their sins.
Drip drip,
and away they sit on the surface of the river like thick black oil.
Their sins, they float out to the sea.
I walked on over, I joined the circle, asked them if it worked,
and if it'd work for me.
The people turned, and smiled wide,
I could'a sworn they told me
"yes"
just to be polite.
But I could see it,
see the lies in their eyes.
They could see right through it, Right on through my disguise.
Cause they knew.
Yeah they knew.
-
I felt like I was the devil now,
Like I was the devil in disguise.

N.H.
Nov 2013 · 8.3k
Adventure
Nihl Nov 2013
What reason do we have to be angry.
What reason do we have to curse the stars
and all the threads that bind them.
Who's fault apart from ours is it,
that this is the hell that we have placed ourselves amidst.
Every point in our lives,
lying like a checkpoint,
glowing like a streetlamp in the dead of night.
At the feet of these golden warm, welcoming lights there lay a crossroad.
And we foolish children feeble in heart and mind fumble without a further thought.
We follow our hearts and we follow them into deep into the disguising dark.
-
Adventure was the death of us, antagonizing.
Adventure was heartache,
agony as evil wizards warped our worlds until we were weaning.
It wasn't too late before the brazen beasts had burdened our lives with ever more brutality.
Wolves hungry for the hearts of men, walking on hind legs to better hinder us with horrors.
This world is beautiful with wonder,
but it's wonders are like lights
upon the Lophiiformes head.
Bright, beautiful and inviting
But lead with haste into the jaws of oblivion,
well hidden amongst the dark.

N.H.
Nov 2013 · 974
Love =
Nihl Nov 2013
Dopamine,
C8H11NO2
+
Seratonin,
C10H12N2O
+
Oxytocin,
C43H66N12O12S2
=
Love.

N.H.
Nov 2013 · 1.1k
Appreciation
Nihl Nov 2013
Someone I know quite well, went out of their way to convey their appreciation for me today. They claimed that I had indirectly saved their life this year through traits of personality. I have a habit of holding up a mirror and showing people their imperfections, trying to help them accept it. The seed is often planted at a time where it is bitterly accepted, but once in a while the flowers blossom and the sweet plant finally fruits.
-
The surprising thing is how it felt to be recognized for what I try to do.
Everyone walks through life surrounded by walls and masks, pretending to be some front-page face with some hollywood story. But the truth is we are just people, people who ‘want’ and ‘cry’ and ‘bleed’ and ‘beg’ to the same universal entity, in the stillness of our bedrooms with noone but desperation for company. We are people.
-
I try hard to make it known that I will not put up with mindless *******, lies and mundane trivialities. I try hard to say that I can clearly see all a persons flaws and imperfections like they are stars scattered across a clear night sky. But I want them to know most of all that the way I see them, they are beautiful and they are safe with me as long as they accept my knowing embrace.
-
Hearing the thank you was like a cupped handful of fresh river-water after a great season of thirst. Perhaps a matter of life and death.

N.H.
Nov 2013 · 943
Dark Eyes
Nihl Nov 2013
Her dark eyes,
beaming and fair.
Remind me to that of a doe,
Pleasant but hiding.
Dark eyes whispering sweet reference to her darkened hair.
Her skin is sunblessed, but she's darker still.
With legs that steal the breath from my lungs.
-
She reminds me of a storm, crackling in the distance.
One that I don't think will ever truly arrive,
although i've tasted the rain, many times.
it never seems enough.
The storm left a time ago, but she has lingered ever since.
All of my crops died that year.
I've been begging for the sound that rain brings.
For she's heaven on my lips.

N.H.
Nov 2013 · 2.1k
Baker
Nihl Nov 2013
A strange recipe,
There seems a certain scarceness of plan to it all.
A summarized unfairness found to this madness,
Two parts chaos to each one part life and matter in equal balance.
A slight dose of loss and grievance, coupled with a dash of unpleasant discourse
and equal parts discouragement.
Break two hearts and empty them into the emulsion.
They'll be buried in there,
to be forgotten as individuals
and rendered part of the whole.
Dust with the sweetness of love,
loyalty
and fulfilled longing.
And present it all to someone special,
Only to find they don't like the bitter taste.
-
If each mans life was a dessert,
mine would be a dark cake, dry as the desert.

N.H.
Nov 2013 · 581
Dawning
Nihl Nov 2013
And then all of a sudden
it strikes upon the witching hour.
The whole building is dark and quiet,
and if I concentrate hard enough…
all the ghosts of the past seep out from within my head
and wander the halls.
Ghosts that are lingering ever so faintly beyond my bed, unmade.
Linen scattered across the floor far from organised fashion.
It feels as though i’m cursed for all my past transgressions,
cursed for fealty sworn unto myself.
These ghosts will never fade, and these nights will never lift.
But it’s now that I find peace,
in the stillness of the night.
it’s been like this forever.
And feel as though it forever will.
How I sometimes long not for morning,
but for tomorrows first light.

N.H.
Oct 2013 · 749
Breathe With Me
Nihl Oct 2013
Try to hold your breath while reading this…

Did you know that you are alive because you are taking approximately 16 breaths per minute. On average that is around
960 breaths an hour,
23040 breaths a day
and
8409600 a year.

That means if you were to live to 80 years old by chance, you would have inhaled and exhaled around 672,768,000 breaths within your entire lifetime!

I don't know about you, but a year feels like a hell of a long time, it feels like there is a few too many left and too long to care… too much spare time, time to live.
Empty living space.
But I am 22… that mean that I have inhaled and exhaled…

( 8,409,600 x 22 = 185,011,200 times )

That means that I only have around
487756800 breaths
left in my life,
and that’s if I am to survive until 80 years old.
But lets be honest,
I've an acquired taste for liquor, smoke, danger, excitement and unhealthy food habits.
So it’s likely I’ve more like
151,372,800 breaths
left in my life.
Even in the best case I’ve a couple hundred million breaths spent and only a mere couple hundred breaths hold great memories.
As hard as it is to live by personally, I sometimes wonder why others or myself even allow room in their lives for or give strength to hatred when we exist coterminously as a collective species.
It’s simply nothing but a wasted breath.
When you think a little on the breaths you have left if feels a little like a countdown, and it even makes something you've probably taken for granted
like a great,
deep,
long,
breath…
tastes…
just…
a little…
bit…
sweeter.

N.H.
Oct 2013 · 351
Poetry
Nihl Oct 2013
**** poetry.
It has never done anything for me,
And likely never will.

N.H.
Sep 2013 · 570
Smile
Nihl Sep 2013
If you sit there poking me,
trying to demean me,
decrease me
and
destroy me,
while you smile.
If you try,
actively to make me angry.
And I sit there and absorb all your negativity,
And all your insults
and all your criticisms,
while I smile.
-
If you bite me,
be prepared to deal with the hot poison i'll spit back
if and when
I finally…
*******
explode,
smiling.

N.H.
Sep 2013 · 862
Friend
Nihl Sep 2013
I just want a friend.
A friend who finds me interesting,
and doesn't mind staying up all night...
watching movies
and TV shows with me.
And learning
and loving
the characters alongside me.
-
I want a friend who appreciates when I decide to spoil them
every once in awhile.
A friend who values the rarity of my emotional response,
and comforts my cynicism with idealism.
I want a friend that can hold a conversation with me
and not feel intimidated.
I want a friend that can breathe happiness into my life
so I can breathe it back into theirs.
Of course if this friend had
***** and a nice smile
it might help too I suppose,
but that is not an entirely exclusive requirement.

N.H.
Aug 2013 · 945
Poison
Nihl Aug 2013
Don’t drink me,
I’m am a
curdling,
cold,
black,
sticky and viscous emulsion.
I’m Poisonous,
noxious,
cumbersome toxic,
a blinding,
corrosive and horrible mutagen.
I oxidise at higher temperatures
and my vapour ignites in a tremendous hellfire.
My LD50 is 0.0064
Love me all you want,
just leave me **** alone.

N.H.
Aug 2013 · 649
Odd
Nihl Aug 2013
Odd
I got an invite to a baby shower,
I don’t even know what a baby shower is.
Am I supposed to bring gifts or something?
I don’t know…
I’m not good at these things,
like I’m not good at weddings
and birthdays
and funerals and stuff.
I just feel like I’m supposed to
attend and do,
say
and feel like the characters in the movies.
I usually just end up laughing at how stupid I feel.
Someone help me out.

N.H.
Aug 2013 · 612
Burn
Nihl Aug 2013
You just don't get it.
Pain is fuel for a fire,
you just haven't learnt how to light it yet.
Instead you just keep waiting,
waiting until all of the excess fuel has you
bursting at the seems,
oxidising and igniting an uncontrollable,
raging inferno.
-
You need to learn how to use it correctly.
It is an imperative.
Trust me.

N.H.
Aug 2013 · 798
Swim
Nihl Aug 2013
It's a shame...
It’s a shame that sometimes
a closeness that once felt so strong and stable between two people,
can in a matter of minutes become a boundless distance,
cold and devoid of any positive emotions.
But still,
those of us left fighting the waves in the wake of such a crisis
swim strong and constant forward.
-
Like a shark if we let ourselves falter,
or rest,
or linger on the past we will die.
We'll grow stagnant, pathetic and wanting.
So breathe in a warm fresh breath alongside me.
Know that we now swim together as family,
towards a common purpose;
Growth, adaptation and survival.
Hoping that one day the storm will calm and the ocean flatten,
presenting us both with the clear horizon we've been waiting for.

N.H.
Aug 2013 · 3.4k
Rise
Nihl Aug 2013
And then I woke up.
I woke up one day
and everything was different,
Finally there was colour again.
-
I could see silver in the clouds,
Emerald in the grass,
Topaz painted across the mountains on the horizon.
Sapphire in the sky and obsidian amongst the stars.
I was alive again.
-
This time I'll be better,
My armour thicker,
My wits sharper,
My fists unscathed,
My tongue poisonous,
like the biblical snake upon the ear of eve.
I am born again,
I'll run each day,
Train each day.
I'll eat only the finer foods,
For nutrition and not taste.
All the while my mind will be honed, sharpened like a ****** blade.
Chemistry, biology, physics, mathematics.
I'll lay the stepping stones towards Valhalla,
My path towards the übermensch.

N.H.
Aug 2013 · 1.9k
Glow
Nihl Aug 2013
I’ve come to learn recently, or perhaps it’s better said ‘relearned’ that people aren’t to be trusted.
I’ve rediscovered that people are not some endless pool of bountiful happiness and fairytale happily-ever-after endings. People are bitter, bitter hedonists at heart. And like drugs they’ll smile and they’ll wink and fool you into thinking that they are what happiness is, but the truth is… Or at least in my case, the truth is that real happiness can only come from inside yourself.
-
I’m starting to think that all those monks spending a lifetime looking for enlightenment and happiness must be right in their own bald and orange-clad way.
-
I see it as like a state of plateau, where you finally understand that the only person you want to trust, or impress, or love unconditionally or be loved unconditionally by, is yourself. And i think that in most of the extreme moments of happiness you’ve ever found yourself in, this is what you feel, or some form of this. Because being with people you enjoy or being enjoyed by people or travelling or ******* or eating or whatever you fancy as happiness is just a way of making yourself whole, a self-approval based on outside influence or approval.
-
Because when it comes down to it, long after that person that made you believe that they would be there isn’t. Or that guilty pleasure has run it’s course and left you with nothing but a little guilt. One person remains, and although you might have arguments or disagreements from time to time. Or even though they may even insult you or hurt you sometimes, they will always be there at their fullest capacity. It’s your love of yourself, but the only way that you can be together fully, is if you confess your unconditional love for one-another.
-
The true path to happiness is to rebel against everything in this life that believes that they hold some semblance of control over the state of your happiness and self-love. I think that in doing this, you’ll eventually find a way to light up like a lantern to all the insects of the night. You’ll find those who only wish to bask in your glowing warmth in the dead of night instead of steal it.

N.H.
Jul 2013 · 717
Fade
Nihl Jul 2013
Bloodied knuckles,
Scabbing fists,
Held quite fast to stinging wrists.
A mark or two that perfectly fits,
Hidden beneath where a watch now sits.
-
A can of tuna, once a day.
An apple keeps the hunger away,
Black coffee keeps the pain at bay.
A darkened head is my mainstay,
Tomorrow begs for a brighter day.
Here's to hoping I don't fade away.
But no, forget  now.
No, not today.

N.H.
Jul 2013 · 1.1k
Dormant
Nihl Jul 2013
I've developed a blinding frustration.
A frustration once latent that has been slowly building and bubbling away recently.
Looming until it finally started cracking thread-like lines across my surface,
branching off into intricate,
spider web patterns.
-
My vision is tunneling and my hands so often begin to shake now,
I feel like a surgeon operating somewhere in the antarctic.
A struggling attempt to contain a white-hot, existential rage.
I’m driving a vehicle of sentience,
and in the passenger seat is some invisible,
insatiable need to fight, **** or explode.
He’s begging me to let him drive for a while.

N.H.
Jul 2013 · 556
Ghosts
Nihl Jul 2013
I stood under the stars last night,
Like so many times before.
Only a slither left inside my little
bottle of Tennessee amber cheer.
I looked out over the water,
At all the town's lights,
Like Christmas bulbs at midnight.
I looked back at the unassuming patch of grass.
I can't see you now, but you still are solid as glass.
We'd laid there side-by-side
perhaps a year or more ago,
Beneath oblivion and under stars.
What more are we than spores,
Floating thin on river surface
As slaves to the universe
and it's endless ebb and flow.
-
Sometimes I don't come here...
Just because the ghosts I see,
the ghosts of you and me.
In the unassuming grass,
beside the house,
down by the sea.
I see them there, lingering so...
vivid, lucid, clear.
Your warmth, I almost feel appear.
I turn back towards the water,
And almost,
Almost shed a tear.

N.H.
Jul 2013 · 705
Shut up
Nihl Jul 2013
You know...
I had sat in bed the other night.
And weighed both pro and con to mortal plight.
Truth be told, there's no pro in sight.
No more patience for mortal tripe,
Unsure of pleasure in afternoon delight.
Nor subtle sailing of morning kite.
I just deemed true to see the world,
Give one last chance to love unfurled.
In dawns light, beautiful curls, surprised.
Brisk, beach and bale unspoiled,
The love of a woman, yet uncoiled.
-
Truth is,
I want,
To die.

N.H.
Jul 2013 · 925
Sin
Nihl Jul 2013
Sin
A bottle of bourbon,
Lay at my heels.
A stubbed cigerette,
Ushers three thousand more.
-
Why?
All the better to **** me dear.
To ***** out my life,
To **** my sorrow,
To cease my suffering.
-
It's like acid upon the brain,
A burn upon the skin,
A kick upon the shin.
I can no longer lie my dear,
I can't longer let evil in.
To lie to you,
Darling,
Love.
Would be worse than any heavens sin.
I've robbed, I've killed, I've forsaken and sinned.
The worst thing I ever did,
was let evil in.
-
I need redemption,
Retribution,
Reincarnation,
Rapture.
-
But for now I'll settle for a lighters light,
And a cigarette,
If you'd be so polite.
And sip of *** would be mighty right,
And a hot warm gut for tonight's respite.
I'd be awful rude,
But tonight's the night.
Naught angels wings but demons,
Take to flight.
But care none for evil dear,
You'll rise to heavens' brilliant light.
And this one...?
Well he'll be allright.

N.H.
Jul 2013 · 630
Man and Woman
Nihl Jul 2013
Do you want to know what i think makes a man? 
What makes a man…?

I think it’s a woman.
A woman makes a man,
she saps his love,
tricks his spirit into trusting and loving her
false and Disney image.

Not to trust her, but the image of her.
An illusion, mirage, a binary figment of imagination. A woman allows a man to express and relax.
To forget and forgive
like eve she gives the apple to man.
Offers adventurous life,
and in stead prizes him with evil,
sick,
twisted
and sticky evil.
But don’t be discouraged,
I’m open to a change of mind...
But I’ve yet to see a woman
worthy of the endeavour.

N.H.
Jul 2013 · 5.7k
Forensic
Nihl Jul 2013
Maybe I’ll never make a good father,
the world has shown me it’s ugly face.
I see things too logically,
too realistically.
The things I’ve done and seen,
my dark sense of humour,
twisted sources of entertainment
and sexuality.
My sedated emotions
and even my choice of forensics profession
all these things probably makes me
a pretty bad father,
bad husband,
bad boyfriend…
And probably
a bad person.

N.H.
Jul 2013 · 1.7k
Bitch
Nihl Jul 2013
I’m no longer under her spell,

I see her for what she likely really is.

A simple and boring creature,

Just another stain on the world.

Bound to be one more dying shadow.

A memory
dead and tucked away
within the dusty, disorganised, shelves
of my library, archive of mind.
Between
the bay laurel plant and the star of the sea..
Even if she ate organic
and drank of my flesh and seed,
like a goddess for a moment.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 469
Black Dog
Nihl Jun 2013
I have no friends,
I have no family,
I have no girlfriend,
I have no light,
I have only dark.
-
I will just focus on my work
and I drive on through this hell
with nothing but the dying hope
that there Is light on the other side.
I need to be here,
I can't go yet.
-
**** this black dog,
biting at my heels.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 725
Love and Hate
Nihl Jun 2013
I love...
I love the way you dress,
With frills and furling fabrics.
I love the way you walk,
With rhythmic sway and purpose.
I love the way you smile,
With half-curled lips, perked cheeks and laughing eyes.
I love the way you smell,
As if picked fresh from a gardens bed.
I love the way you talk,
So chaotic and disorganized but so sure of yourself.
I love the way you sleep,
Tangled in my arms, head upon my shoulder, soul upon my soul.
I love the way you kiss,
Quivering, curious, tender and wanting.
I love the way you make me feel,
Alive.
-
I hate...
I hate the way you dress,
With putrid colors and filthy earthen shapes.
I hate the way you walk,
With spiteful tease and slithering method.
I hate the way you smile,
With twisted jaws, and mocking eyes.
I hate the way you smell,
Like decomposing undergrowth.
I hate the way you talk,
So useless, so pathetic, so unsure.
I hate the way you sleep,
Leaving nothing but perfume on my pillow, taunting me.
I hate the way you kiss,
So distant, uncaring, so primal, so scarce.
I hate the way you make me feel,
Alone.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 1.2k
Flowers
Nihl Jun 2013
I was with another woman,
talking,
and nothing else.
I promise.
While we were waiting for our food,
I ran.
In a rush of inspiration I bought her flowers,
Not  for another woman,
For 'the' woman.
I picked the ones that felt like you.
Pretty, pink, delicate.
Carnations, roses, orchids?
I don't know,
I never knew the names for flowers.
I just knew how certain I was that they were absolutely beautiful.
Perfect.
Even with their flaws and creases, all the flowers i'd seen were just that,
Perfect.
Like you.
-
I hurried home, excited
and I wrote her a letter,
an honest one.
I made a few notes
and riddles
and hid them around the house.
She followed the trail
and solved the riddles,
I didn't make them too hard
because I wanted her to get to the end.
To me,
Not the flowers.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 733
Wake Up
Nihl Jun 2013
I wake up, wishing I hadn't.
As my eyes open,
they do so whilst dreading the light.
My breath is lead, my lungs are heavy.
My body is unwilling,
as if set in concrete.
Welcoming sweet oblivion,
But still I rise.
-
I wiggle my toes.
I move my feet,
I motivate my fingers..
I arch and stretch,
Forming twisted shapes and figures.
Fighting sweet oblivion,
Because I am needed.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 781
Reveal
Nihl Jun 2013
The curtains close,
the fanfare plays,
the audience applauds.
-
I've been thinking lately,
What do I want?
Why am I still here?
Where do I want to be,
in three years,
eight years,
eighteen years?
-
In three,
I want security.
I want direction.
I've never really known either.
But I don't want to settle for anything,
I don't have it in me.
-
In eight,
I want a family.
Or at least the beginning of one.
I want a loving, loyal, wife and children.
And I want to care for them.
I want security enough,
so that they never need worry at all.
-
In eighteen,
I want to be happy,
As happy as I was while trying to get there.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 1.5k
Songbird
Nihl Jun 2013
Four
*******
walls.
Every material comfort,
And nothing else.
-
This room may as well be
completely ******* empty.
I am a songbird,
locked inside a birdcage.
I need to spread my wings,
I need to travel again,
I need to fly once more.
I need the open road and the ocean air.
I need the red dust and snow-speckled mountains.
I need the endless trees and campfires.
I need the pillar of smoke under the stars.
I need to be free.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 507
Drift
Nihl Jun 2013
Sometimes,
when you talk a lot
and you think a lot
you start to float.
You float so far away,
That I can't quite reach you.
"Come back!"
I call
"Come back down here!"
I want to be your anchor.
I want to keep your feet firmly placed
Upon the ground.
But I don't want to cage you,
I don't want to lock you up.
I want you to be free,
But most of all, I worry you see.
Next time you float away,
I want you to take something with you.
I want you to take me.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 2.7k
Possession, Two
Nihl Jun 2013
CHAPTER II

At once I was spat out into a familiar space, although still swimming in darkness. As I slowly adjusted to the dark, I realized I was sitting in my room at home. I was surrounded by large, vacant, white walls and a sturdy black bedside table. Crested on top of the sturdy black table was the same familiar dodgy lamp that never seemed to work particularly well. My whole world was spinning as I sat up in my bed, scanning the room for outlines and shapes to ensure I was in fact back home. Back home and not caught in another hellish fantasy.
My bed linen had been kicked off my bed during what I imagined was another nightmarish spasm, leaving me drenched in cold sweat and shivering. I lifted my hand to my brow to quickly swipe away some of the salted perspiration that had gathered in the corner of my eye.
I spread my hands out beside me, feeling the bed beneath me to ground myself.
I wasn't in danger, I was safe, I had to keep telling myself that it was just a dream to try and stay sane.
-
I picked myself off the bed until I was standing upright in the center of the room, still surveying every nook and space, places where things could hide. Nothing, there was nothing in this room but me, standing in the room sweating and spinning around like a madman. I pulled on a shirt and went to the bathroom. White tiles, a shower, toilet and sink. Everything in there was normal and safe. I was relieved, switching on the light as I entered. I stood in front of the mirror gazing into my reflection, I was older and I wasn't surprised. The events of the nightmare had actually happened, not five minutes ago but six years ago. And ever since then, this nightmare had been somewhat of a regular occurrence. Recently however, it has been getting worse, more lucid, every time, closer.
-
My father did in fact vanish six years ago, police found me cowering in the cabin three days afterwards, bruised, cut up and mumbling, they only came looking because dad stopped turning up to work without warning. And after the events of that night I’d struggled somewhat to maintain a normal life, having my parents stripped from me at sixteen. Growing up in foster care was hard; my foster parents were kind enough. But the system moved me around a lot, making school very hard to commit to.
-
Looking in the mirror I saw myself staring back, eyes slightly reddened and itchy, and my skin dry and flaky. I turned a faucet and splashed my face with some cold water, ice cold from sitting in the taps in the dead of the night. The cool was extremely grounding, it felt sharp and real. The nightmare had faded to shadows of thought, I felt human again. Quickly drying my face with a clean hand towel and moving back to my room. The room didn't feel so sinister now, probably because I was getting so used to these nightmares. I climbed back into bed, glancing the time on my alarm clock before getting under the covers. 3:25 Am. I moaned at the image, 3:25 Am means four and half hours until I had to go to work. Another disrupted sleep meant another day at work where I was in a state zombification. I turned off the dodgy lamp, instantly flooding the room with darkness once more, Only, I don't remember turning the lamp on. ‘Don't be an idiot’, I thought, before rolling over and falling into a quick, shallow sleep.
-
The next morning I got up, showered, brushed my teeth as usual and caught the express bus to work. I stood in front of 'Bayside Books', my place of employment. I enjoyed it there; it wasn't too demanding and paid for my rent and whatever little I ate. It was a warm little shop that stood unique amongst its surroundings, tall concrete hives of advertising and production on every side. ‘Bayside Books’ was little mahogany box on the bottom floor of some non-descript scraper.
-
As I entered the bookstore the greeting bell chimed, filling the shop with simple song. Just as the bell stopped a rotund man with a sky blue button down shirt almost bursting at the seams, emerged from behind a bookshelf.
“Coulter!” he called cheerfully, “Coulter! You’re late buddy, miss the bus?”
He asked harmlessly, now standing before me with an armful of old books. Assorted popular horror books like ‘Dracula’, ‘Frankenstein’ among some more obscure works I’d never seen.
“I slept through my alarm, I’m sorry Mr. Dupas.” I replied.
-
Mr. Dupas was a large man, although not much taller than me, he was far wider.
Dark, greasy, curly hair seemingly glued onto the top of his round head. Protruding cheeks and a chin that was almost just a button perched in front of a larger chin. He maintained an interesting standard of hygiene, fresh pressed clothes on an almost un-showered man. Perhaps he was just an extremely perspiring person, but I didn't have the courage to ask any time soon.
-
I did sleep through my alarm that morning. I didn't exactly have a habit of getting into work late, but it seemed that with all the sleep I had been losing and the fact I hadn't been blessed with a full nights rest for two weeks now. It was really starting to catch up to me.
-
“Don’t worry about it, happens to the best of us” He smiled.
Mr. Dupas moved behind the shop counter just beside the doorway, piling the stack of books into a small, neat cardboard box on the counter. I could see clearly scrawled on its side in block letters, ‘TO CLIFFORD’. I removed my thick black coat and hung it behind the desk squeezing past Mr. Dupas as I did. Dupas grabbed his coffee mug and drew it to his lips as he moved towards the back of the shop, taking a large gulp of his almost noxiously caffeinated drink.
“Put away the new arrivals then clean the shelves and when you get a chance, go take that box to Clifford!” He called from behind several bookcases. “The invoice for the box is in the second drawer!” as he followed I could hear each stride in his voice.
-
I spent most of the morning stacking the newly arrived books onto the ‘New Release’ shelves. The same old crime stories, successful underdog sportspersons biography and feel goods. I finished putting them in their respective places before quickly dusting the shelves. At about noon I’d finished my jobs, grabbed the cardboard box from atop the counter and hurried out the door, letting Mr. Dupas know that I’d gone.
-
‘Clifford’s’ was only a short walk from ‘Bayside Books’ and it was a journey to and from the store I’d have to make at least twice in any normal week. Mr. Dupas and Mr. Clifford had a little partnership, Dupas would send the odd box of all the supernatural, paranormal, grim dark stories, biographies and spell books of such to Mr. Clifford, where Clifford would pay a paltry price for these books that had been left unsold and gathering dust at ‘Bayside Books’.
-
As I made my way down the street towards ‘Clifford’s, I spotted a few people watching a news report as it was broadcasted through the gaps between security bars, guarding the window of a small electronics store. The images displayed across the several monitors within were of soldier, armored vehicles and unruly citizens in some nondescript middle-eastern country. American flags burning in the middle of busy streets, and giant dolls with paper heads that from a distance, looked uncannily like our American president. The only difference being, that the life-size doll on the monitor seemed as if it was created by an angry eight-year-old student as some twisted school project.
-
I passed the electronic store a ways down the street until I arrived in front of the familiar poorly-lit arcade. Neatly nested at entrance to the arcade was the dark and foreboding storefront. A wood paneled exterior, crowned with five large dusty windows, inside each window stood displays of everything creepy you could imagine, voodoo dolls, satanic bibles, pendants, candles,  statues of vague deities, dried pelts and skulls, and indistinguishable skins and teeth. Not to mention the books, there were hundreds of books. Unlike at ‘Bayside, where our books were categorized and organized by alphabetically author. These books were stacked and scattered in no inherent order. Every now and then I'd spot a group of vampire stories in close proximity and then the order would be disturbed by the odd ‘Cooking: How to prepare human flesh. ‘ followed by the uncommon Serial killer biography. This store, this little jewel of the unnatural and the unfathomable, this was ‘Clifford’s’’
-
‘Clifford’s’ Collectibles; oddities and curiosities.’

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 1.2k
Ceiling
Nihl Jun 2013
Sometimes,
I stare at the stars.
It's almost like some kind of event for me,
A recurring celebration or memorial.
A birthday, christmas or halloween.
"Starday."
-
Someone once said,
"What if it was a just a ceiling,
And the stars were just lightbulbs."

And I laughed at the idea.
A real laugh.
A child's laugh.
-
I used to sit outside,
on the cold, wet, grass,
in the middle of the night.
I'd ***** my head to the heavens and just watch.
Obsidian.
An ocean of black,
lined with burning jewels, winking back at me.
I figured,
explorers had already mapped and navigated all the others.
There was but one ocean left.
-
Sometimes I'd imagine
that a spaceship would open up the sky,
Drifting down on a wave of fire and light.
And they would pick me up,
They'd pick me up and steal me away.
They'd say,
"We heard your prayers."
And I'd say,
"Finally."

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 669
At My Door
Nihl Jun 2013
I sit,
I sit in silence and wait.
I wait for the knock on the door.
In the dead of the night,
I wait for the tap.
That welcome tap,
tapping on cold wood.
-
Tap,
tap,
tap.

-
And I arise,
I open the door, in the dead of the night.
And it is you, Standing before me.
And there is quiet space standing between us.
Trembling and unsure,
with eyes locked into mine.
A thin night-dress hangs loosely from your shoulders,
Your skin is ice cold, your eyes starving,
Your ears thirsting for an encouraging whisper.
My hands are warm, my eyes fill yours,
My whispers quench your thirst.
-
No matter the reason,
whatever the reason,
you need to be here.
Nightmares or Doubt,
Regret or Guilt,
Love or Passion.
I'd usher you in,
Embracing you with
warmth and security.
You'd keep a close pace
with my breath,
and my heart.
And feel home.
-
I sit,
I sit in silence and wait.
I wait for the knock on the door.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 889
Üntermensch
Nihl Jun 2013
Have you seen it?
This seething,
teeming mass of maggots.
Climbing and crawling,
calling and clawing.
Just to try and reach the top,
Of some disgusting
worthless
pyramid.
To become king,
King of the filth
-
So herd-like
So insect-like
-
Like a putrid swarm
of approval seeking locusts.
Eating, using
Owning and destroying
Everything they can find.|
-
A virus
A parasite
Clinging desperately to a dying host.
-
These ancient sand-cultists
would have us die here
Starving, thirsty and cold.
But with
unification
and
order
We could set our sights
upon the stars.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 447
To the Stars
Nihl Jun 2013
A prayer to the stars,
-
Please give me the power
to stand my ground
and render any room
a fortress impregnable.
-
Please bless me with the vitality and growth
for that I can forever evolve and adapt,
never stagnant.
But dynamic,
like the raging storm.
-
Please give me the courage,
fuel and focus
for the beast within me.
-
So that I may one day headfirst
into the blindly darkened corridors
of all the challenges I must survive.
-
Let me not have fear,
but allow me to be that which all others fear.
-
Let it be that when it comes time
to walk my darkest tunnel,
the only being within that tunnel
worthy of fear
is
me.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 2.0k
Disney
Nihl Jun 2013
The truth is,
that I think I gave up a long time ago.
I think a lot of us do,
we give up on that
‘dream’
you know.
That warm, glowing idea
The idea we have for what our future will be like.
You have this wonderful charlie in the chocolate factory adventure,
filled with an immense lord-of-the-rings turmoil.
A struggle
in which you somehow fight all of your fears.
Surpass all your human weakness and rise anew
like a phoenix from the ashes.
You rescue that helpless little princess
and you live forever in nursery rhymes.
-
I suppose I realized this lie,
that’s when I suppose I started
drinking,
*******,
killing
everything in sight.
I was angry.
And I still am.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 663
Trust
Nihl Jun 2013
Friends,
like seasons
come and go,
-
lovers
die.
-
children
learn to resent.
-
brotherhoods
become nemesis.
-
I made best friends with that voice in my head.
I am always there
for
myself.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 520
Goodbye
Nihl Jun 2013
I waited so long,
Eventually I got sick
I got sick of talking to myself.
I got sick of waiting,
I got sick of missing her.
I just started getting angry instead.
Angry.
Angry at myself
Angry for thinking
"she was so important."
Angry at her
for transforming
so
quickly
transforming into something
so unlike the
‘real'
her
that I had grown to love.
-
I wondered if i’d ever really met the
‘real’
her.
-
Friendship like a tree,
needs watering,
and she left me in drought.
Without apology,
without any sign of remorse or regret.
-
She
just
left.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 484
Nightmare
Nihl Jun 2013
These dreams, twisted dreams.
It begins as i’m living through an every-day,
mundane situation.
But suddenly,
abruptly
the dream forcefully collapses into a
traumatizing,
and uncontrollable horror.
Usually I am left with a complete lack of motor function,
helpless,
paralyzed.
-
The worst thing about it
is that even after waking,
I still experience this dreadful dreamworld
creeping into my waking life.
It seems as though every time I awake
from one of these torturous sessions,
several phantoms from my subconscious
surround my bed,
grasping onto my reality for longer
and longer each time.
Each time with greater desperation
before they fade away.
leaving as quickly as they came,
as I am left to lie
swimming in dread
through the dead of the night.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 791
Easter
Nihl Jun 2013
I can feel that Autumn inside me,
undying.
I feel the fluttering warmth within,
it reminds me of the campfire we had.
Perhaps the biggest and best fire I’d ever seen.
You could smell the ocean on the air,
laced with the bellowing smoke rising skyward in the night air.
The laughter and smiles that surrounded us.
Love,
family,
a bright future
and youth.
We were tinder and sparks,
I remember you
gripping your wine glass
shooting me with a cheeky smile,
I remember sitting
in the glow of the fire
and feeling content.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 685
Hope
Nihl Jun 2013
People,
prone as they may be
to the horrors of man,
are also gifted.
Gifted with the beauty of understanding,
the wonders of science, and the euphoria of awe.
We are no longer as incapable as firstborn man,
nor crawling like feudal kings.
Past now are the days of our stumbling industrial revolution.
Ascended,
we are now at full stride,
hopping and stepping forward
on the verge of a sprint.

Amazing us
with mind-blowing inventions
everyday.
Injections that provide oxygen synthesis, prolonged life without lungs.
The mystery of DNA storage on the verge of being unraveled.
The discovery of the god particle,
among countless others.
Today and now
Right now,
is the *******
of modern man with his eyes on the stars.
And it should very well restore even a little faith
in those that ever held a portion of doubt.
The future is bright.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 5.9k
Possession, One
Nihl Jun 2013
“And as for you, River, there will be a day when you will flow with blood more than water. And dead bodies will be stacked higher than the dams. And he who is dead will not be mourned as much as he who is alive. Asclepius, why are you weeping? ”

CHAPTER I

The lake house was always a place of good memories. I couldn’t help but remember the countless summers just like this one, where I had spent days down by the lake, beside my father, catching rainbow trout with nothing but a line and a little bread or bait worm. The sound of crickets chirping in chorus at dusk, while just a slither of gold managed to peek over the mountain range that hung like curtains, draped across the horizon on every side. It was our paradise on earth, the Coulter families’ personal heaven. A humble log house nestled in the heavy shadow of the Rocky Mountains. Standing peacefully beside our private little lake, cradled within a thick pine forest. It was our pine forest.
-
We had arrived at the house two days ago, on a particularly overcast Friday afternoon. But the grey sky had parted, and left us with clear blue skies almost as soon as we arrived. Now nothing but the occasional broad, pearl-white, sky conquering clouds would dare to appear. This made the weather perfect for a swim in the lake, as well as an afternoon frying the day’s catch of trout in the fire pit just outside the cabin. I was inside the cabin, stuffing the weekend’s filthy clothes into my pack, in preparation for the long journey home tomorrow morning. Dad was gathering a load of firewood from our great proud pile of logs outside. I always liked adding to the pile the same way I found a mundane joy in saving money, I watched as we built it up into a neat pyramid, then imagined how long it would last us and how many cold nights they would ward off.
After packing my last well-worn flannel shirt into my now plump olive duffle bag the sun had disappeared behind the mountain; leaving a quickly dying amber streaked across the western sky.
I could hear my father’s footsteps as he entered the house, dropping a collection of heavy wood at his feet in front of the fireplace. Then quickly transporting the two best-looking ones straight into the warm mess of crackling flames that kept our cabin warm. I climbed under the covers of my bed and sat with my back against the wall, with a clear view into the living room.
I am Curtis, and George Coulter was my father, a broad man with dark brown hair, a short cropped haircut, bright blue eyes and dark stubble with traces of silver sneaking through. He was a weathered man with a tough 37 years over my easy 16, and always seemed to dress like a cliché lumberjack. Apart from the weathered appearance, sprouting grey hair and working class fashion sense, we were practically a splitting image. My mother would always say that looking at me was like stepping back in time and that every day I looked more like him.
-
“That should keep it going for a while.” George said, obviously exhausted from the events of the weekend and He slowly moved just inside the doorway and leaned against the frame, rubbing his eyes with his right hand before bringing it down to form a soft v shape on his chin.
“I’ve already loaded the truck, so we’ll be able to leave bright and early tomorrow.” He turned his head quickly as if to listen carefully for something else in the room. I found this to be a perfect opportunity to shoot a question I’d been wondering recently.
“Do you think there really is life after death?” I asked him abruptly and he looked straight at me with a quizzical expression and replied “Why do you ask, did someone say something?” I sat up straight on my bed pulled my hands into my lap.
“No, no one said anything. It’s just that I rode my bike by the cemetery last week, and there was a statue of an angel in the middle of all the gravestones, it just made me wonder, you know. Does all that stuff really exist?” I had a lump in my throat and swallowed hard to keep in down. My father sat down beside me at the foot of the bed.
“I think…” He started, still searching for the right words to say. “I like to think that there’s a place somewhere up there for us.” He turned his gaze towards the window and observed the last light in the sky before turning quickly back to me.
“Do you think mom will be up there?” I asked, and his face dropped a little.
“Your mother is up there waiting for us and the first thing she’ll do is tell us to take our shoes off so as not to get the cloud *****.” He said with a slight smile, I laughed at the idea as he continued. “But you don’t have to worry about that for a long time Curt.” He grinned, roughed up my hair, and then forced me into bed playfully. “I’ll do my best to make sure of that.” He rose from the bed and advanced towards the door. “Now get some sleep. I don’t want to have a conversation with myself on the ride back.” He disappeared into the main room and slumped into a lazy boy chair to gaze at the fireplace in the warmth of our now quiet cabin, as my room was filled with the soft lullaby of crackling fire. I turned towards the window and stared out towards the stars, my mind wandering as I closed my eyes. Tomorrow we would begin the long journey home.
-
Without any warning I was startled awake by a terrifying ripping sound. A great rip echoed throughout the house like a plastic bag violently flailing about in heavy wind. I immediately sat up on my bed, and blindly stared out into an ocean of black. A strange loud thumping sound rang from the living room in regular intervals. It had seemed like no time at all had passed since I had closed my eyes, my heart was thundering like the gears on a full-speed freight train and my eyes fed off the darkness in the room, starving for even the slightest idea of a source for the noise. But all I could see was darkness beyond my doorway. I struggled to pull myself back together from my state of screaming fear and cautiously got to my feet.
As far as I could tell the thumping was coming from outside, as I moved towards the doorway and peered into the living room. For some reason the fireplace that should still have been flickering with hungry flames was now dark and dead, as though it had gone cold days ago and the house completely vacated. The warmth that the fire had supplied moments ago had now been replaced with a cruel cold midnight breeze sailing in through the wide open swinging cabin door. The cabin door was clashing against the cabin wall outside in the wind I now knew was the source of the horrifying thumping that my imagination had played so helplessly with. My breath became shallow as I contemplated my situation, how long had I been asleep, and where was my father? I turned to the lazy boy in the living room and noticed it upturned and vacant. My heart started firing again like a machine gun and cold sweat now dawned on my brow. There was no sign of dad, not in the cabin at least. With my heartbeat slowing to the manageable speed of a cruising passenger train, I wondered where he could have gone while struggling to tame the rising feeling of dread as I hurried towards the front door and looked out over the hill and down towards the lake. There was no jagged black figure or human form in sight. A great deal of me was hoping to catch him investigating the same noise that startled me. But he was nowhere near, which made my blood run cold.  
-
The unforgiving night’s ice cold wind stung my ears and pinched my face, my breath trailing off in vapour. “Dad!” I called out, towards the southern wharf down by the water, nothing. Again I called, towards the vegetable patch on the eastern side of the house, nothing. I tapped my fingers anxiously on the door frame before proceeding down the few steps leading into the cabin, closing the cabin door behind me to stop the jarring thump. With that I was engulfed in the darkness and violent wind. Disoriented I called out once more towards the pine forests to the west, “Dad!” my voice cracked from desperation and bounced through the gale, ringing in the distance as if it had been carried by the wind and exploded skyward, amplified by the mountains surrounding the lake.
-
A light! A light darted between the tree line and danced in the darkness before disappearing just as quickly as it came. I stared in awe as the wind found its way through my clothes and now chilled me completely. My bare feet screamed from the cold grass that I tortured them with and I could hear the abhorrent ripping sound bellowing back at me from the distant forest. I stood still, confused and staring hopefully. I heard him, faint at first, but I was certain that I heard my father’s voice on the wind.
“Curt.”
I followed the voice out into the darkness, past the fire pit and towards the western tree line. I waved my arms in front of me pathetically probing the air for something to guide me. My eyes squinted hard to try and make out detail from nothing. “Curt.” Again it whispered from the distance. I stumbled across the field until I reached the outskirts of the woods and I could feel the first cluster great pine looming overhead. The wind and chill was slowly cut off by the wall of trees, as I followed the origin of my father’s voice.
The forest bed was thick with undergrowth and as familiar as this place was during the day, at night it was like another world, a world in which sight had to be thrown to the wind and I was forced to rely on my other senses for navigation. I could smell the heavy musk of the leaf litter, and hear the wind from the field. But I could see nothing more than the glare of the full moon hanging behind the thick clouds and the faint outline of the countless pine trees that shot skyward.

It was strange, I could smell him now. I could smell my father laced upon the air, boot-polish and old sweat. The same smell hanging among the trees as the red plaid shirt that he'd use to polish his boots and labour all weekend around the lake house. It was as if he was right beside me, this idea urged me to quickly turn side to side hoping that this was in fact, true. But all I found was more vague lines in darkness, freezing fingers and whipping wind songs from the distant clearing. The smell slowly disappeared, replaced with an eerily familiar, metallic, pooling scent…
My heart thundered at the realization, Blood. I could smell blood swimming in the air, as if someone painted the trees with buckets of human blood. I could taste it on the tip of my tongue the air was so filthy with the scent.
-
My eyes opened wide, panicking at the lack of visual aid as I stopped dead in my tracks. Something felt awkward, space felt strange, warped and twisted. It was like the world was turned on its side. It felt as though someone somewhere had invaded the space I now stood in. And I could feel its presence, I felt its eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, and the hair on my neck stood upright. My heart began racing faster and faster, thumping now like the cabin door, slamming against the wall in the wind. I could feel something out there, watching and waiting. I could feel it getting nearer, getting ever closer and growing. It was as if it was feeding on the shadows and becoming larger, filling the darkness with its horrid presence. I couldn't bare it anymore; I felt it creeping up on me and my skin was crawling. My head screaming for me to turn around but I couldn't move. I felt an impossible grip encompass my entire body and swallow me in darkness. Cold sweat like ice running down my cheeks and my clothes were now saturated.
-
My breath was pounding rapidly in short, sharp bursts as I watched it fog and pillar upwards through the cutting wind. I couldn't hear anything past the roaring noise in my head, raw panic like nails on a chalkboard. My thoughts were like a game of Ping-Pong, bouncing back and forth and I couldn't focus on anything. I felt it slithering at my heels now, like a python slowly constricting its prey, playing with it before a sudden death. A twisted cold breath falling onto my shoulders as every muscle in my body tensed to point where it felt I could explode at any time. I it leaned in closely beside me, with its face hanging inches away from my ear. I could hear its lungs gathering the icewind for speech, and its tongue slithering in between razor teeth, preparing for the first terrifying bite.
-
“It’s so close.” Hisses from its jaws in several thunderous voices spawning from the darkness in every direction, the trees dissolve, the sky falls apart and my entire world collapsed away into pitch black.

N.H.

CHAPTER II
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/possession-two/
Jun 2013 · 656
Love and Sex
Nihl Jun 2013
"Imagine a body of water."
She said,
"Now imagine a cup."
...
"The body of water is how you see love."
She followed,
"And the cup is how you see ***."
-
"*******."
I thought.
While I imagined a ferocious storm in the middle of a violent ocean,
And a plain, red, plastic cup.
-
A body of water is a body of water,
And a cup is a ********
cup.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 770
Have No Fear
Nihl Jun 2013
It's just like life
to regret time,
Trying to find your true state of mind
for strength and comfort.
Watered eyes aren't misspent
When spent lingering on a thought,
-
Like,
that moment where you feel,
the cold of nights breath,
riding in through your window
on a chariot of stars and wintered clouds.
-
She'll find in her a soul,
the power in solitude
Her soul stands like a crucible.
Because of fear...
She'll never feel hungry,
never feel the lack of sleep,
never feel the loss of trust, because she never gives it.
She'll never die with company by her side,
comfortably.
-
Rebirth is a time for you to grow,
It isn't so corporeal at all,
Rebirth is a time to make certain everything that is understood.
A vigilance that comes with being free.
I think I have come to understand that
'woman' means strength,
Especially with brotherhood nonexistent.
-
Don't allow yourself to fall victim,
Missing a ship because of poisonous hesitation.
You've an appetite for bedroom action,
Don't throw the golden key away
Don't suffer for your regrets,
Don't disconnect an electric friendship.

N.H.
Jun 2013 · 775
Regret
Nihl Jun 2013
I'd be lying if I said I had no regrets.
I regret,
All the words and actions that would've been better spent,
Better placed.
I regret,
Inaction, when action was demanded of me,
I regret that the most.
-
To list mistakes, I've made a few.
I regret,
Alison
Alex
Cody
Erica
And Hannah
-
Laura
Lisa
Megan
And Sarah

To name a few.
-
But most of all,
I regret you two.

N.H.
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