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Sep 26 · 75
self esteem
nightwanderer Sep 26
i do not walk
i float,
half a whisper behind the world.
people speak in whole voices
but mine is paper thin
its faded away

mirrors donโ€™t lie,
they truth
that i am too much of something
and not enough of anything.

i learned early
to shrink myself
tighten the laughter,
bite the words,
become the apology
before anyone asks for it.

i wear invisibility like cologne,
subtle,
elusive,
always there.
it smells like
"youโ€™re not good enough"
and
"why would they care?"

some days iโ€™m a ghost
calling my own name,
pressing against the glass of who i should be,
watching him live
without me.
Sep 26 · 1.5k
<3
nightwanderer Sep 26
<3
put your head on my shoulders
i swear i'll carry you forever
i'll move boulders
its my endeavor

i love you
my heart aches
every day we're apart
come back to me
before my heart breaks
yes, all comments saying "dork" WILL be deleted
Sep 17 · 368
nicotine
nightwanderer Sep 17
doing well
and then i fell
****-
nicotine doesn't help
Sep 3 · 217
-ights
late nights
car lights
star brights
new heights
parent fights

i fight

and lost
Sep 3 · 111
words spilling out
im not very good with my words
sometimes they spill out
like a shaken can of pop
but more like a volcano
an eruption of words
thoughts
feelings
i just cry
Aug 31 · 80
fucking liars
nightwanderer Aug 31
you're all ******* liars
leave me alone
why cant i have the privacy
of my own ******* home

you're all ******* liars
you let me die inside
said you'd be by my side
forever
but when i needed you most
you lied
you ******* lied
Jun 23 · 102
untitled
nightwanderer Jun 23
i'm still in awe
that you said yes
because you
are way out of my league
lfiuhSIHER;GOIHRGIOFDGIoio im so cringy hdsoifpefuhgpeirgh
Jun 23 · 77
i wish
nightwanderer Jun 23
i wish
that i could figure it all out
that my house
didn't feel like hell
and therapy
didn't feel like a hospital
and my parents
weren't just people
nightwanderer Jun 20
real or fake?
๐ข ๐๐จ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ
๐šข๐š˜๐šž ๐šœ๐šŠ๐šข ๐šข๐š˜๐šž ๐š๐š˜ ๐š—๐š˜๐š ๐š”๐š—๐š˜๐š 
๐•“๐•ฆ๐•ฅ ๐•ช๐• ๐•ฆ ๐•’๐•ฃ๐•– ๐•๐•ช๐•š๐•Ÿ๐•˜
เธฟษ†โ‚ตโ‚ณษ„โ‚ดษ† ษŽร˜ษ„ โ‚ฉโ‚ณโ‚ฆโ‚ฎ โ‚ฎร˜ โ‚ฃร˜โฑคโ‚ฒษ†โ‚ฎ
ั‚ะฝั” ฯฮฑฮนะธ ั‚ะฝั”ัƒ ยขฮฑฯ…ั•ั”โˆ‚
แ—ฉแ‘Žแ—ช Iแ‘Žแ”•ไธ…แ—ดแ—ฉแ—ช
๐“น๐“พ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“ฒ๐“ฝ ๐“ช๐”€๐“ช๐”‚
๊Œˆ๊‹Š๊‹–๊€ค๊’’ ๊€ค๊‹– ๊€ค๊Œš ๊„™๊๊‹ช๊น๊€ค๊๊‹Š
ะ”ะ˜โˆ‚ ะฃรธฯ… ะ”ฦงฦ˜ ะฃรธฯ…ะฏฦงฦŽโ„“ฦ’
โ“กโ“”โ“โ“› โ“žโ“ก โ“•โ“โ“šโ“”?
yeah ik i wrote 2 poems in a row called real or fake AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT YOU CAN *******
Jun 20 · 127
fake or real
nightwanderer Jun 20
I CANNOT TELL
WHETHER MY PAIN IS FAKE OR REAL
ALL THEY ASK IS HOW I FEEL
I HATE MYSELF
Jun 20 · 139
dream/nightmare
nightwanderer Jun 20
its like a dream
when i cut
like a nightmare
when i leave my room
and face my parents
wondering
if they know my secrets yet
Jun 19 · 133
thin wires
nightwanderer Jun 19
i'm made of thin wires
snapping one by one
every time you tell me
that i'm not good enough
Jun 18 · 214
<3
nightwanderer Jun 18
<3
love like fire
you i desire
you help me through it all
Jun 14 · 128
blade
nightwanderer Jun 14
Children sleeping peacefully
While I sit awake
Shivering
Blood covered blade
Clutched
White knuckled
In my palm
It doesn't hurt
Anymore
So I cut deeper
Permanent scars
I hate myself
I love the pain
Jun 13 · 86
999
nightwanderer Jun 13
999
i cut in one spot twice
to save room
for when it hurts the most
Jun 12 · 112
parents
nightwanderer Jun 12
taking too much
eating too little
cutting too deep
being too shallow

i don't think
my parents will accept me
if they found out who i really am
cold blooded
heart-scarred
and frozen over
Jun 12 · 100
knowing its bad
nightwanderer Jun 12
I think
That you know it's bad
When your leg looks like a checkerboard
And they cut your nails short
So you can't cut yourself
Jun 12 · 343
scars
nightwanderer Jun 12
I slide my hand over my thigh
Feeling the scars I try to hide
And when I cut I laugh
And when I bleed I cry
I'm not ready to say goodbye
Jun 11 · 91
untitled
nightwanderer Jun 11
we text every day
we laugh (and we cry too)
all i can say is
thank you <3
<3
Jun 7 · 127
<3
<3
I wish I asked you sooner
Because now I feel complete
Jun 5 · 290
knowing nothing
Are you here to save me?
Or are you here to let me go
Because I don't know
Anymore
I"m done
Jun 4 · 92
Untitled
lied to
for eight months
we called every day
for an hour
maybe two
and i fell for you
and i thought you fell for me

but you were lying
a skillful actor
with bronze skin
that i used to yearn

you moved on
as if i was an item
sitting in a window
that you didn't want

and now you're sorry
you didn't know how to say no
to me
that's no excuse  
for blood and tears
a while ago i had an ex, and we dated for about 2 months before she broke up with me. I spent 8 months thinking that i was the ******* problem.
Jun 4 · 141
confused
you've crossed the threshold
put your feelings into the world
because you are so brave
braver than i'll ever be
and i'm not ready to show them
but i'm ready to show you?
Jun 4 · 119
lover
i'm scared
so scared
that by the time i answer
you wont like me back
it seems like love
happens in a flash
a blink of an eye
they say that i'll know the right time
is that now?
Jun 3 · 374
Subconsciousness
I wake up crying
Dying inside
Tell my parents that i'm ok
But i'm really not
And I hate it when they push further
Because they know that I am lying
But I need them to push me to keep me alive
And I hate the pain of the knife against my skin
But I love the punishment for my sins
I don't think that I can do this anymore
*It hurts too much to try
Jun 1 · 101
fake
I really loved you that time.
I really did.
And I thought you loved me back.
But then you ran off with him,
Just like all the other ones will
Jun 1 · 184
worse before better
they say that it gets worse before it gets better-
-and now i'm scared
because if that was bad
what could worse mean for me
May 30 · 331
Betrayal
nightwanderer May 30
It hurts
When I give you my feelings
And you brush them off
Like dust on your jeans
May 30 · 141
Truly Dead
nightwanderer May 30
No one knows what it really means to die.
What does it mean to be truly dead?
Does it mean that your heart stops beating?
Or is it when you are forgotten?
Or is it when the person inside of you is broken?
And you never cry again?
It's a shame
That everybody will forget my name
Move along with their lives
God, I'm so childish
To think I ever meant something to anybody
May 30 · 91
That Night
nightwanderer May 30
I don't feel pain anymore.
Not since that night-
That fateful night-
Where a boy became a man

I am no longer myself
I don't know who I am
Not since that night-
That horrible night-
Where my mind was broken

I haven't felt love
She lied, but I died
Not since that night-
That rainy night-
Where I finally broke
May 2 · 159
fallen
i was 14 days clean
before it happened again
i knew that i shouldnt
but i did it anyways

the pain has never fully left me
i dont believe it ever will
but this time
it might have been too deep

now i walk with a slight limp
cause it hurts to walk
and people
are starting to stare

ive got so many problems
so where do i start
ill just bathe in a pool of sorrow

ill do it tomorrow
Apr 15 · 111
euphoria
nightwanderer Apr 15
cutting
      scratching
                     deeper

euphoria
takes my body by surprise
i cant stop it
do i want to?

i have to
    before
          it
            takes
                  me
                       more
Feb 28 · 282
Sensitive
nightwanderer Feb 28
It feels like as soon as I say a word
It's examined
Looked over
And they find something wrong with it
Why are they all so sensitive?
Feb 6 · 282
Feelings Changing
I don't think
That I just like girls anymore
But I don't know what I know
I think people will find out
I think people will know
I'm very confused
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Feb 3 · 439
fucked up
****** up mind
****** up life
****** up world
it seems like everything is terrible nowadays
Feb 3 · 264
happy snow
looking out my window at night
watching the snowflakes fall like frozen tears
wiped away from a crying face

i walked outside to catch snowflakes in my mouth
happy for the first time in while
smiling- a real one this time
not just a fake upturned mouth

rushing inside to tell my sister
seeing my mom smiling
seeing my dad sleeping
i love being happy
i wish
i was happy every day
Feb 2 · 133
Untitled
the tears fallen create pools and lakes
shimmering blue in the new day sun
dripping from my face like rain droplets
flowing from clouds of fluff
no, i dont think this life is for me
Jan 27 · 177
Not knowing why
nightwanderer Jan 27
Not knowing why
I try
Just to fail again
Get back up
Get pushed down
Not knowing why
Not knowing why...
Jan 25 · 109
Untitled
nightwanderer Jan 25
I don't know the path to take
I don't know the people to trust
For they all seem amazing
But under all that ****
They're all just Ghosts

They leave me when I most need it
I should have seen right through them
I don't know how I didn't see
The Ghosts

Even when I t'was younger
I never could have been more fonder
Of the Ghosts

Growing up I should have seen
The Ghosts
singing poems ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
nightwanderer Jan 25
I have no words
For the fallen

I have no feelings
For the broken

For the fallen made others fall

And the broken made others broke

So when their crescent shine
Comes to a stop
The past fallen and broken on top
I was singing as i wrote this lol
Jan 23 · 1.3k
Fat
nightwanderer Jan 23
Fat
Sitting
Crying
Wishing less
Wanting more
I can't hide myself anymore
The sweatshirts too small
My body too big

Wishing the hurtful words would stop
Not just from you but me
I feel as if I'm going to pop

Skipping meals
Drinking soda
Eating salad
Having dessert

I tell myself that they don't notice
But I think they do
Jan 23 · 160
Bigger and Bigger
nightwanderer Jan 23
I cannot stop myself from giving in
To chocolates, to candies
And I just get bigger and bigger
"One more piece"
I tell myself
Jan 21 · 145
Believe in something
nightwanderer Jan 21
I have always wondered where we all came from.
Where we all were, before the big bang.
Such a slim chance, that we're all here today.
So here I think
I don't believe in god-
No-
I believe in something
Jan 21 · 255
Bad Poetry
nightwanderer Jan 21
I can't write poetry.
I want to write powerful things-
-But I cant.
I want people to see my poems-
-But they don't
I want to be okay without the affirmation of other people-
-But I'm not
And I can't understand
Why the last lines never come to me
Why I can't think of a powerful ending
I just can't
Write
Poetry
ik this aint gettin nothing either- ๐Ÿฅฒ
Jan 20 · 187
Depression
nightwanderer Jan 20
Depression, a multifaceted enigma, seeps into the crevices of existence, casting a shadow that lingers and weaves its intricate patterns within the mind. It's not merely a fleeting sadness but a persistent echo, resonating in the silent chambers of the heart, altering the very fabric of daily life. This condition, a complex interplay of genetics, environment, and experience, manifests uniquely in each soul, a tapestry woven with threads of emptiness, hopelessness, and disinterest in once-cherished pursuits.

The emotional toll of depression is profound, a heavy cloak that envelops the spirit, transforming joy into a distant memory. The world, once vibrant, now appears through a grayscale lens, where every breath feels burdensome, every step unsteady. Faces of loved ones blur, and the comfort of sleep is replaced by a haunting dread. The mind becomes a labyrinth, a maze of twisted paths leading to rooms where sorrow bathes, and hope flickers faintly like a distant star.

In the depths of this silent struggle, the body bears witness to the mind's turmoil. Chronic pain, digestive woes, and somatic echoes of the unseen battle further complicate the journey. Depression's presence is a whisper, a constant companion that isolates and alienates, feeding on societal stigma and misconceptions. The silent scream of the soul remains unheard, as the weight of judgment and misunderstanding stifles cries for help.

The causes of this somber state are as varied as the individuals it touches. Biological factors, intricate dances of neurochemicals, and hereditary shadows intertwine with psychological scars and environmental trials. Early traumas, chronic stress, and the harsh whispers of self-doubt blend into a symphony of despair. Yet, within this desolation lies a resilience, a glimmer of light that refuses to be extinguished.

The path to healing is a mosaic of therapies and treatments, a delicate balance of cognitive restructuring and chemical support. Medication, a balm for neurochemical storms, accompanies the guiding hand of therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), a beacon in the darkness, helps to unweave negative thought patterns, offering new perspectives and hope. Lifestyle changes, like threads of gold, weave through the tapestry, adding strength to the fabric of daily life.

Social support, a lifeline, anchors the soul amidst the tempest. Friends, family, and support groups offer solace, understanding, and a sense of belonging. The journey is long and winding, marked by relapses and remissions, but hope remains a steadfast companion. Public health initiatives, advocacy, and open conversations about mental health shine a light on the path ahead, challenging stigma and promoting understanding.

Living with depression is an ongoing journey, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It requires patience, compassion, and continual self-awareness. Each step, though tremulous, is a testament to strength and courage. Advocacy and education play crucial roles in fostering a culture of empathy, breaking down barriers, and ensuring that no one faces this journey alone.

In the vast expanse of the human experience, depression is a deeply complex and multifaceted condition. Its shadows touch every aspect of life, but within the darkness, the dawn awaits. With comprehensive care, support, and awareness, individuals can navigate the labyrinth of depression and emerge into the light, finding hope and healing in the embrace of understanding and compassion.
Living with depression *****. Especially in your younger life. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with depression. This has affected my life in so many ways, but I am pushing through it, and almost done with my process! Wish me luck! (this has been in progress for a while, and yes i did use some ai to help me find nice words, but just wanted to put it out there. (why does the ai thing say 77.4 ai ***))
Jan 20 · 116
Untitled
nightwanderer Jan 20
Who are we?
We are children of god!
He created us all!
The people with religions have answers
So why don't I?

Who are we?
We are the spirits of the earth!
Treat the world like you would treat your wife!
The environmentalists have answers
So why don't I?

Mabye
We're just
People?
Jan 20 · 344
1's and 2's
nightwanderer Jan 20
One is two
Three is four
And out the door I go
Before the low
I'll play a show
For you to laugh some more
little poem i came up with in my head (:
Jan 18 · 167
Untitled
nightwanderer Jan 18
You aren't the same
As you were
When we were kids

You aren't the same
Because when I saw you with her
You were different

So many things I want to say to you
Before you drift away
Like leaves in the wind

You left me on read again
Are you okay?
Is it that girl?
What happened to you?

Fifty-four calls
Thirty-six texts
You might have given up
But I haven't
Because I know that you
Are still that same little boy
Playing in the water
With me

And just like that
You're gone
Didn't even have the chance to say goodbye
I saw the news
That smiling face
Wish I could have seen it
One
Last..
Time....
Jan 18 · 105
Nothing
nightwanderer Jan 18
Please let me go
I want to see my family
My friends
My people
But I know as soon as I leave
I'll go back to my room
And cry again

Why can't I ******* do this
I know I can
I know I can
But I never do it

My father tells me
That the answer is to
"Just do it"
But I want an easier way
I don't understand
Why they never
Understand

Maybe I'm the problem
The one who doesn't understand
The one who never cared
About other peoples feelings
I've been called a sociopath
A *******
But I don't think I am
Am I?

I don't want to be nothing
I don't want to leave
Maybe it's better
If the masochistic sociopathic depressed sad angry nobody leaves.
Jan 18 · 149
472
nightwanderer Jan 18
472
There are times in stories
Where you think the story aught to end
But it don't
Sometimes I can relate that to poetry
Where the poem should end
Sound better that way
But I don't
Stop
Writing
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