I know a girl
That's pure beauty to see
Won't mention her name
As I feel there's no need

You'd know by her smile
Her sparkling eyes
The way she celebrates
Every aspect of life

Spending her day
Grabbing hold of the reigns
Taking the good thoughts she's got
And giving them all away

The way the wind clearly dares
To tousle her hair
As she breezes through life
With hardly a care

Yes I know I girl
Who's beautiful to behold
We all know who she is
Without her name being told

My own world
Belongs to 2 different
Places
Where I once was
Where I'm now

Unwarranted guilt crushes you
Until you can't feel anymore.
First it's intense pain
Then it's utter numbness
No one tells you that after it shocks
It leaves you empty
To chase some sort of hope you've lost along the way
No one tells you guilt is not something you feel
It's something you are
Converting your mind to darkness
Before you know where you exist
Whether in a lover's arms
Or between your abuser's legs
No one tells you that even though it wasn't your fault
You will believe it was
You will hate yourself for thinking that way
Because it hinders you from healing
No one tells you that even though you live in a bubble
Frozen and devoid of emotion
Breathing is still hard
Not to feel the air moving and passing through your lungs
But to consciously have to keep it functioning
To keep going.
No one tells you physical symptoms occur
And it will take you days to notice the problem
Inability to move from your slumber
Check
Nausea every time you leave the house
Check
Recurrent headaches and migraines
Check
And yet
Nothing hurts anymore
No one tells you the reason you can't feel a thing
Is because you're not living
Is because you're barely surviving
Is because you're already dead.

I will never love you like I loved him
So don’t treat me like I am yours  
For you will never claim me

Don’t hold my hand
Or touch my leg
Don’t kiss my forehead
And tell me I am pretty

You will never compare to him

I can’t lead you
To believe that this is
Anything

You are not him
So please
Stop

Because it pains me to be touched
By someone
Who isn't
Him

I’m a functionally depressed person.
I’ve self-diagnosed myself as this
Because severe depression makes
Me feel like I should be lying
Around my house all day and
Although I’d rather wrap myself
In the blankets of my bed,
I push myself out into the day.
Dressed in an outfit that’s not
Sweatpants and a t-shirt, but
Instead, jeans and a sweater.
Long sleeves to cover the cuts
On my arm, or many bracelets
With no colors that match my
Outfit but they cover my
Self-inflicted wounds from
The night before.
I fake a smile at people
That I pass by during the day
And I hope that they can’t
See through my eyes and into
My head. I hope they can’t read
The suicidal thoughts swimming
Around, filling the lack of serotonin
That I’m missing from my brain.
Their eyes feel like lasers shooting
Into my brain like bullets that I dream
Of releasing from the chamber
To settle in my head.
I’m a functionally depressed person
Because I function in society
Without anyone knowing that
Inside, I’m already dead.