nicoarty

nicoarty Aug 2015

A shaman of wise women
Whose only truths are never told
Seeks only understandings
Held aloft b'neath the world's nose
Be it truths bitter
Or stories of olde
Skeletons in closets
That reek of forebode
Mother whispers word of experience
Father helps them believe another view
The holy mass of firsthand knowledge
Read by those who can learn nothing new
A gift to the younger
A word from the wise
To see the bigger picture
Not the irony of life.

nicoarty Aug 2015

She/she.

When He told her He loved her
He told her not Her
And she brought it up
Where She could see
Heart already torn
What could She do?
But hope it a trick
A joke
As best friends like they often do
But as she smiled and She smiled
Tears in Her eyes
Her boyfriend - the culprit- saw none
Of the pain She locked inside.

Just to help those who may be confused;
The girl who is referred to by capitaled name (She, Her) is the girlfriend of the boy, and the girl referred to by non-capitaled names (she, her) is the one who the boy told he loved.
I know it's not very good and it's messy and unclear, but if you've read this far (as most won't) you might as well know it was made this way to keep its meaning as hidden as possible unless you look beyond what you see; just as the girlfriend hides her pain at how close the boyfriend is with his best friend. She does this incase it's meaning is invalid and she truly has nothing to fear other than losing him due to her own paranoia.

nicoarty Aug 2015

Harlequin.

All the pain behind your eyes
With every truth behind your lies
My love, heart and honesty dies

Because I've felt the pain
The result of lies
I've felt how it feels to want to die

And that you wouldn't tell me how you feel
Wouldn't let me in to help- is this not real?

I get it. somethings - everything- you don't want to share
I guess I should never have let my self care

I'm sorry
I'm not good enough
And will never say the right thing

But I guess that's what comes
Of being your Harley-Quinn.

nicoarty Aug 2015

Dear Grandad.

I see you
You lurk beneath the skin
Razor teeth shining through otherwise empty words
I see you in the malice
In the anger and confusion
Contorting the human mask you wear
I see you in the hatred
Growing stronger
As together you learn to hate yourself
Each passing moment you are brighter
Your host duller
Although you hide it well

And I am afraid
Afraid that one day
I will see you
And you see me
In a mirrors reflection
That one day you will ravage my mind
Tear away all knowledge and perception
That I endear
As I burn my loved ones
With your bitter tongue
And slowly forget them entirely
Until I become you
And then can no longer see you

As now i have seen you
Take another's skin
Remove him from his family
Take his pride, his mind
His love for all
And isolate us
In our islands of fear
Frozen, we can do nothing at all
I realise that there is no happy ending
There is no way back now
I always thought there were second chances
But he is leaving us, painful piece by piece
So fast, yet slow

It's unbearable

For now I have seen you
And I can never forget
The look in your eyes
The words you've said
I see the void
I see living death
And at least for now
You cannot see me yet

He has Alzeimers, the only grandad I'll ever have. Seen him lose himself so often this holiday, this is the last time I'll see him that he'll really know who I am. Just wanted to say goodbye in a way the poet and artist he used to be would love.
I hope anyone else out there feeling the same or similar things can have the strength to help themselves and their loved one through their time, or to its end **. "with patience and love comes pain, and yet a deep sense of fulfilment, of true happiness- it matters not how evenly they are spread".

#scared #loss #mask #family #grief #grandad #alzheimer

nicoarty Aug 2015

Face of rust

She is nothing special
Just a little weird
Always had a pen or pencil
Always had her nose in a book
Glasses that don't suit her
Grey-brown hair and skin that doesn't match
She has pick marks and lines
Doesn't really speak much
Remember when she wore pencils in her hair?
And carried a 'sketch bag' round?
They all laughed
At not with
She had some strange allergy
Skin would barely see the sun
Only had relationships with users
Till him; he was different this one
And somehow, that was worse
But by this
She was nothing
A bunch of doodle and words on a page
A speck of dust to him
Only God knew she felt the same
She had no name to me
She had no face
Eyes no depth
When in the mirror she'd gaze

Always empty
Deep hidden mistrust
A statuette in ink and iron
Raining tears of dust and rust.

nicoarty Aug 2015

Alien invasion

Too many times have I looked in a mirror
Finding an alien
Nothing that resembles me
The inside invaded by the out

Sometimes I fear we are all aliens
Captive in our human shells
Afraid
The big bad world will come and knock our doors down

Other times I'm alone
In a dark, cruel and ugly place
Reflecting back in the mirror
Saying don't look at my face

Saying there's nothing there that's human
Screaming "that's not me!"
But I can do nothing but watch
Through the alien eyes I see.

nicoarty Aug 2015

The rose coloured looking glass

Often I wonder
If each eye, each lens
Filters light differently
Like the ought tinted windows or stained glass
And if so,
how do you know
If what you're looking through is Rose tinted
Or simply some thrones mass
As surely perspective is everything, right?
The way you see, the way you think
Like how dark grey light and gold light
Have different atmospheres, shades and kinks

But everything is relative
Maybe the colour of your lens can change
Perhaps if you peer into the darkness
Your mood begins to rain
And if thorny stems twist
Behind your eyes
When your hopes begin to crash
Maybe you could look into brightness
And find a Rose coloured looking glass

I wish it were that easy
But still the answer lies
That when looking for a rose looking glass
Try taking the thorns from your eyes.