the fact of the matter is -
the stars will continue to paint the sky every night even if you're gone -
the sun will continue to lick its flames upon the earth even when you become a part of the ground.

a bullet in your heart doesn't care -
rain falling from black clouds don't care -
the stray cat pays no mind as it passes your empty house.

is that a bad thing?

does the world have selfish intent,
by forgetting the harvest that it sows?
do i really mean nothing enough,
to be forgotten when i take my last breath?

i expected more of the world -
i expected more of this life -
i expected more of what love i had left.

sadness is not a strong enough word to describe how i feel -
when i think of the sun continuing to rise and the moon keeping its shine -
even if i am not around to see it.

i'm bleeding diamonds -
twinkling and twinkling as they shatter on the black floor -
shining like falling stars as they leak from my ***** body.

i'm wounded,
can't you see?
you kissed me on the forehead,
and i fell to my knees.

the diamonds spilled from my open mouth -
the diamonds spilled from the corners of my eyes -
the diamonds spilled from the fatal wound in my chest.

i don't know where the crystals came from -
but i think they must have come from you.
you kissed me on the lips,
and caused these little stars to be cut out from inside of me.

it burns so much -
but -
it feels like i am being cleaned from within.

he calls me on the phone,
says he's leaving in a few days.

what's new?

the tears that threaten to escape me aren't new,
my clenched fist isn't new,
my picked, bleeding lower lip isn't new.

you've always left me, dad.
even when you said you were coming back,
even when you said it wouldn't be for too long,
even when you said you loved me more than anything.

your actions betray your words -
the silver shavings in your hair betray the test of time -
the wrinkles around your eyes betray the man i used to take you for.

i hate this time of year -
because all i want to do is hold your face in my hands -
and feel the skin that belongs to me -
and look into the brown eyes that belong to you -
and i want to tell you -
how much, how much, how much i love you.

how much i love you -
despite the hurt -
despite your absence -
despite you being a man that doesn't know he has a child that loves him so much.

i still love you, dad. i'll be waiting for you to come home.

black roses wilted on an indented bed,
a sheen of sweat on the back of your neck,
a frayed photograph on the empty wall.

there's a strange sound coming from outside my window -
is it the wind or is it, is it me?
trying to get back in, trying to return -
begging to be invited back into its heavy body.

i'm not scared easily,
but i was scared the day you left.
i'm not scared easily,
but i was scared the day you returned.

a flash of light outside my window -
a growl of thunder that demands your attention even while dreaming -
i think it's beginning to rain.

did i mention that it rained on the day you came back?
i'm scared now.
it might be time to get the roses off my bed.

tell me where to go
because wandering is what i know
tell me where to stay
because leaving keeps a light on inside of me

tell me what to do
because i've been laying in this bed for days
tell me what to be
because i believe this woman in the mirror is the one who won the part

tell me, tell me, tell me
won't you show me the way?

The world will burn -
our eyes will close,
and our lips will forget each other's names.

Every lover's whisper has been lost to the wind -
every sweetheart's kiss has been long forgotten.
Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever heard?

Why should I tell you my name when you'll forget it?
Why should I whisper secrets to you when they'll become lost in all of the noise?
Why should I kiss you when even my touch isn't permanent?

I remember you -
sitting at the edge of my bed, staring at the floor.

I remember you -
stroking my hand, thinking about something deep.

You didn't know I was awake,
and when I uttered your name,
a drop of crystal spilling from my cracked lips -
you were startled.

You fell to the floor and I reached out for you -
please, come back to me again. Caress my skin again. Look at me again.

You stared with big, black eyes -
and hissed at me -
and my heart submissively crawled back into a dark place.

I'm sorry, I tried to say.
But you bared your teeth at me -
snarled a lip that used to be so tender -
and left me once again.

Not for the first time.