I admire your hands
how your ring presses against the inside of my ring finger when we lock hands.

the softness of your palms and the way your hand slowly runs into fingers like small tributaries running from it's mother stream

the way they move in unison with mine.
how it feels when I connect my fingertips to yours.
I could sit next to you all day and simply admire your beautiful hands.

Lately
thinking about her has become more of a chore
Lately,
I haven't slept, because I know when I lay down she'll be the first thing that comes to mind.
Lately,
I've tried to avoid her in my brain because you're pain, but I can't
Lately,
when I address her in my writing I've been using "her" instead of "you" because I don't want to trick myself into thinking we still talk
Lately,
I've thought way too much
Lately,
I can't breathe without her

Lately
You've been
The only thing
That makes me feel
Not dead

I can't say alive
Because
I can't call this living
Breathing
Eating
But not living

You make me feel as though
I have a reason
And for you
I will do my best
To live

The first time I kissed a girl
Was 6th grade
I was nervous
Palms drenched in sweat
It was possibly the most awkward moment of my 12 year old life

There was other kisses
But it wasn't until about a week into freshmen year
I truly kissed a girl
We sat face to face
Talking
Laughing
Our eyes locked
Slowly my eyes ran down her face and to her lips

Out of the blue I introduced my lips to hers
It was then that I realized that there's a difference between a kiss, and touching your lips to someone else's
I now knew what it felt like to be in sync with someone

It made me realize that the best things in life aren't ever planned

"What the **** just happened"
"I don't know, but I think it needs to happen again"

the only thing in the world I could ask for right now is to bring you into my arms
and feel you softly breathe into my neck
but I'm stuck in the confinement of seeing you maybe once a month
and the best thing I can do is clutch this shirt that smells like you
and wish that you were in my presence
but it's not enough
no
it's not e-*******-nough
and it's never gonna be
so I guess you could say
I'm about as good as this shirt.
brings slight comfort.
but it's never enough

Lately, it’s been my consciouses job to constantly remind me
that i don’t need you

What we had is but a dead relative, or pet.
You can reminisce on them, and remember all the great times
and laughter you had once shared with them.
But **** it, they’re dead, they’re gone and being sad about it 
is a waste of emotion

It’s been my own ******* job to remind myself
I DO NOT NEED YOU

i’ve come to terms with reality
soon i will forget who you are and as will you with me
until then, ill be in pursuit of the pieces to put myself back together

I exert every muscle
Into opening that iron hydraulic door
I step in
My sister follows
The smell of coffee
Has now stained the air

I dash through the front office
As thought it's not there
I make myself welcome
To the dark leather couch
In the business room

For now everything feels harmless
Everything feels fine
Little did I know the sadness
That held this building by its heart

I dig through the tubs
Of old used items
Everything here was magic
Something about that building made Me feel safe

When I'm told it's time to go home
Sadness filled my chest
I clung to my beloved couch

It's funny how
When you're a kid
You fantasize about growing up

Now
I yearn to be a kid again
I wish I could be
On my leather couch
Smelling the coffee
I want nothing more than that

I look ahead and I see clearly
But I feel as though something's missing

A piece of me I left behind.
That feeling when you're getting ready to leave
And you feel like you don't have something but you can't quite place what it is you forgot

You search frantically
For this "thing" that you still can't identify
Soon you realize you're gonna be late
And you have to move on without what you need