Natalie

Natalie Feb 2016

u

heartache after heartache
i wind up with you and
headache after headache i
will always forgive
and after every heartbreak
i never seem to learn

n.d.

Natalie Feb 2016

edna

i fancy
the thought of diving
into a slumber
like diving into a pool
with soft pillows
and fresh sheets rippling.
and much like swimming
and wading
sometimes i wish i could stay here
forever
but we know that'd drown me
and that'd feel
just like how it feels
when i wake up
and my reality can't even compare
to sleep.

n.d.

Natalie Feb 2016

skinny girl, good job

my hand lifts instinctively
almost with a mind of its own
to rub my clavicle and
to brush my collarbone

my knees push together
making sure, checking again
that in fact my thighs don't touch
making me look down and smile, then

my breaths become deeper and longer
my fingers strumming my ribs like guitar strings
being able to play them like keys
is one of my favorite things

my stomach is concave
the hunger feels good
things, I'm, looking better
like I thought I would

my weight is double digits
and im light and fragile
i want to get lower
I won't stop for a while

Natalie Feb 2016

elbow grease

to some
spring cleaning
may be about donating the shirt
you haven't worn since 7th grade
or dusting every single picture frame
or scrubbing the tile
or sweeping and vacuuming
that's not my spring cleaning
my spring cleaning
is about changing the way i've been
ever since the 7th grade
and changing every single thing about me
or creating the persona i want to be
or removing and restarting
that's my spring cleaning

n.d.

Natalie Feb 2016

hey sailor

i'm a siren.
i'm not the sound of the ambulance, rushing to save you
i'm not going to sweep you off your feet, onto a stretcher
i'm not going to give you mouth to mouth beyond late night swatches of my lipstick on your lips
i'm not the iv drip filling your veins, or your heart
i make your heart flutter but i'm not your defibrillator
and with the electric shock comes burn marks on your chest, mimicking the burn marks i left on you
and i'm sorry that i'm a siren.

#love #breakup #siren

Natalie Jan 2016

in defense of the sharpays

in a world where we're all so conditioned to believe that the only thing we should strive to be is the gabriella, we become so disillusioned when it is revealed that we're a sharpay. we fail to realize that supporting characters are individuals in their own right; sharpay has her own story and her own motivations. and who are we to demonize her for that?

what are you supposed to do when you grow up realizing that you're the mean girl that you're so conditioned to hate? you're to aspire to be everything that regina is not, yet you turned out plastic. but is that wrong?

these negatively portrayed women are still women; women with desires and passions that they hold true. these women exist in life. those mean "popular" girls, who seem to never truly have friends, are titled "popular" so no one feels bad about tearing them down.

these women exist and are more than a plot device to force the perfect protagonist into her perfect love interest's arms.

#thoughts

Natalie Jan 2016

thoughts pt 2

People say that high school is the best days of your life.
Some days, they're wrong. Some days, you hope that nothing in your life is worse of an experience than high school. You assume that you're in a trough of life--not close to a peak, by far.
Other days, they're right. Sometimes, it seems like nothing will compare to the feeling of friday night lights, or being surrounded by your entire school, all full of pride. Sometimes you're riding the wave.
I'm starting to think that high school is somewhere in the middle between the worst and the best days of one's life. It's not the best nor the worst, it just is the days. There are the ups--when it's going good, it's immeasurable; and the downs--when it is bad, it can feel like your world is collapsing.
I think that high school is full of experiences that you will never have the opportunity to experience again, and I don't know whether to smile or cry at that fact.

#school #high