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Natalie Jan 2016
We all have built up our ideas of what our futures have in store for us. We all assume our dreams are attainable, that we will be the lucky ones who become successful and rich and famous.

When we fall short of our dreams, we have excuses. When something goes awry and we mister across misfortune, we come quick to our own defense; we quickly explain why we aren’t like the stereotype we appear to be emulating.

If we’re all creating our own justification, how are there any stereotypes to begin with? “Yes, I cheated but I’m not your ‘typical’ homewrecking ****!”—What girl is saying that? She’s pleading, explaining why she didn’t mean it like that, why it was a mistake and it just kind of happened.

Is everyone the stereotype?

Is no one the stereotype?

These expectations of ourselves move beyond our high school pursuits and passions. When we reach our adult careers, are we going to blame small things—like underperforming and underachieving on being tired? Or having an ‘off day’? What happens when that becomes a habit—everyday becomes that off day.

When will we accept that it could simply be our personality flaws?
You aren’t having a lazy day; you are a lazy person. I’m not acting ******, I’m just a *****.

But what are you supposed to do when your personality rubs even someone the wrong way? At some point, isn’t someone supposed to be your friend? Isn’t that just how it works?

Statistically, shouldn’t I have friends by now? But there’s no equation for personal relationships.

n.d.
Natalie Dec 2015
screaming, crying
i feel like i'm drowning but there is no water; no tears
shivering, quaking
my brain's busted and burnt,
my body, mind, and tongue are sore and fatigued
i'm hurling up stomach acid when i spit up your name
scared, petrified
i'm curling up in a ball...it's not called the fetal position because i'm your "baby"
cringing, bucking
my blood's curdling as i imagine your fingernail trailing my spine
running, scared
the soles of my feet feel as scarred as my soul
escaping, fleeing
this is as close to free as i'll be.

n.d.
Natalie Jun 2015
i'm not who i present myself as.
i don't care nearly as much about the things i say i do,
and i care way more about the things i say i don't.
my laugh isn't that loud,
my quirks aren't that weird,
and my passions aren't that strong
i'm acting out,
performing a charade,
to an audience who does not care.

n.d.

— The End —