It started with once a week.
"Just to calm my nerves"
Then twice a week.
"Not a big deal."
Thrice
"I'm fine"
Everyday.
Twice a day
"I'll be ok," you say "I only light up once in a while"
Since when dose  five times a day equal to once in a while?
"Im not like them" you say
But you are
Running,
Hiding,
Pushing it all away,
Just like them.
Then you stoped hiding behind the smoke.
You act happy
You pretend you're better
Fooling some, fooling yourself, but to me your crystal clear.
You're far from better
You stopped smoking.
But what of those marks?
Like rivers up your arm.
Paranoid you've become
"More" is your only care
You'll never catch the dragon
You're falling
Drowning
Dying
Outside showing your inner dread
The hunger is consuming you
Hiding it is no longer an option
Your mother is a mess, whose all alone
Your father, long dead
Friends stopped calling
So please wake up
We need you
I need you
So please
Kick this addiction
Tackle your demons
Now I'm starting to drown along side of you
I miss you, I need you
So please
Come home
I won't judge
I just want you whole again
Please...
Try again
Please...
Before we both slip away

There is more than one way to skin a cat
And there is more than one way to break a heart
I'm surprised you don't know this by now
You don't always have to rip it into shreds
With your bare hands tensed in rage
Intentionally destroying the pulsating thing you hold
You do not always have to spill it's blood
Watching the thick red liquid congeal on the floor
You need not always fill it with shame
Ridiculing it's nature, the way it beats, it's purpose
Until it's too small to believe in itself
All you need is to be loved by that heart
And every time you walk away it will follow
Pieces of it sewn into your jacket pocket
Or dangling proudly around your neck
And when you leave that jacket in a haunted house
With a haunted soul that robbed you of safety
I will not get that piece of me back
When the bright and beating pendent resting on your clavicle
Is torn off and lost in someone's couch cushions
The same place you lost your dignity and self worth
I will not get that piece of me back
My heart is sewn onto yours like a patchwork quilt
And whenever your heart breaks, mine does too
Wherever your blood is spilt, my heart is stained red too
There is more than one way to skin a cat
And there is more than one way to break a heart.

You were different.. I was different
Something was different
And now I'm left here
With a bitter taste in my mouth
Wondering how liquid
Could change a person so much
How bright lights and loud noises
Could drown out my existence
Until you forgot I was ever there

Someone asked me what it was like doing speed
If you're wondering, it was a lot like love
I loved it the way some people love playing guitar
The way some people love their mothers
The way some people love their God
I used it to express myself, to unleash my creativity
I used it to find solace and comfort, to make me feel all better
To put a bandaid on my scraped knee and tell me to keep trying
I used it so I would have something to believe in
Something better than what I was, something that believed in me too
I loved the way it made me to soar to new heights
I always forgave it when I crashed down to new lows
I loved the way it took my fear away of talking to strangers
I forgave it when I became afraid of people who weren't even there
I loved the way I made love so confidently when I was on it
I forgave it when I had to go to bed with strangers just to afford it
I loved the way it made me love myself again
I forgave it when I couldn't recognize myself anymore
Yes, I think it was a lot like love

I want to feel alive
To see that old spark back in my eyes
But there is never quite enough
No matter how I try
My lips taste of poison
But my mind feels washed and clean
A brand new look
For a worn out fiend
I can laugh at the smallest things
But bleed from the smallest smile
Lost? Broken? I've known all along
I'm not in denial
My skin hides my secrets
The blood that runs white
When my mistress, she calls
I can't put up a fight
A lust like no other
An ever swelling greed
Like angry waves attack the sea
Wash over me
She knows what I need,
She knows what I need
I don't know where I'm going
Or what to hear, see and speak
But I'll be okay as reality fades
Cling to the hope that this isn't me
I laugh and force a smile
To distract from my bloodshot eyes
Soon I'll ask glass Angels
To put truth into these lies
To numb me while I cry
They fly into my lungs and promise to try
I need to be free
And wear their wings
Escape from the puppet master
Always pulling on my strings
But I remain a song
That's known but no one sings
I'm just a tortured, dark thing
An empty, dark thing.