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213 · Feb 2023
as a dream
eileen Feb 2023
as a dream
I'm not mad it's not me
I'm sad
I know it will never be me
with anyone at all

go on and be happy
with someone else

we're not friends
since our ending

I was so confused
when I saw the picture

the necklace around her neck

heart stopped beating
I guess it will never be me

not with you
never with anyone

I think I'll stay in bed
longer today

go on
go as a dream

drifting away
so swiftly
when I wake up

you're lucky
and I just feel empty
like always

this is what is supposed to be
Continue reading...
213 · Sep 2021
I'll follow you into the darkness
eileen Sep 2021
I'll follow you into the darkness
come change my mind

change my mind

tell me I'm wrong

twist my broken words
in the dark

fell asleep
where were you

not too long
before I give up too

I can't do this

change my mind

it's heavy
trying so hard

what do you want

tell me this isn't temporary

love

where do you go
Continue reading...
213 · Nov 2019
nyctophilia
eileen Nov 2019
nyctophilia
you take me back
you remind me of all the good feelings

I feel frustrated
I'm so sick of this weather

I wish I could call you at midnight
the magical hour when my heart opens
I'd spill out my secrets I'd tell you everything you don't know

I'm giving up
I'm letting go
I'm holding on
I'm off and on

I've been feeling like a lost cause
please stay up
I need to see your voice
Continue reading...
212 · May 2019
If I had more time
eileen May 2019
If I had more time
waiting for the bus
the bus I can't get on
the bus I dream of

I think she's inside
I'm waiting to sit down

I'll say good morning now
I'll say have a good day
I promise

I'll lean my head against the window and listen to music like I used to

that wasn't too long ago
maybe a decade
or a century
when I waited outside in the rain
the hot sun pouring down
mosquitoes eating up my legs

waiting for the bus
I wish I could step on
        one more time
take me home
I know you will
Continue reading...
212 · Dec 2018
Flames
eileen Dec 2018
Flames
she painted her nails red
she didn't have red lipstick
10w
Continue reading...
212 · May 2019
blue side
eileen May 2019
blue side
hold my hand
a little tighter
let me place your voice inside a box
can we stay
somewhere
time isn't around
we're so close
we are the same
you've touched
rain
the sun
a snowflake
a tear
we are so different
where are you
me and you
different mornings
different meanings
different scenarios
look into my eyes
stay
somewhere
time
doesn't exist
Continue reading...
212 · Aug 2018
Grain moon
eileen Aug 2018
Grain moon
I've seen beautiful people
beautiful flowers

I've heard beautiful melodies
beautiful voices

None compare to you
We should stop talking

We drive in circles
we drive each other crazy
I love that

When the 1st came around
I didn't feel so around

Wherever you are
I feel half full

I'm talking
not listening

The moment feels like forever
until you see the full moon

I realize I haven't seen such beautiful
Continue reading...
211 · Sep 2018
sober
eileen Sep 2018
sober
when you became it all for me
I never took a glance back
what was I missing

keep your thoughts on me
there isn't anyone else

you've forgotten
everything I made you feel

crying out for help
the sun is half

I love you so much
I can't look at anyone the same

I'm sober
dreaming the pain away

half of the sun is up
the other half is yours

I just want you to ask for me
come back and see me

I love you
I'll never forget

trying to let the feelings fall away

I never looked back
never blinked an eye

now I'm regretting
our last goodbye

I love someone
who doesn't love me the same way
it's to late to say sorry
Continue reading...
211 · May 2019
he was crying because of me
eileen May 2019
he was crying because of me
don't feel so sorry

....................................
                          ­             I don't care

                                                                ­         leave
                                                                ­           me
                                                              ­              be
  ????                  
                       ­                                                                 ­!!!!
10w
Continue reading...
211 · Aug 2018
1:00 AM
eileen Aug 2018
1:00 AM
How should I fall asleep

with so many memories on replay

it's about us right now
you are with me

you're leaving
I'm with you

by heart

I'm wasting time
looking for things
so many distractions

I'm with you
it's all about us

how will I fall asleep
you're running in my head
Continue reading...
211 · Feb 2021
happy you left me first
eileen Feb 2021
happy you left me first
I don't miss you
I don't miss you
I don't miss you

do I need you

do I even need you

I know you're not okay

I hate to see you going through all of this

but

I'm sorry

I don't miss you
I don't miss you

I don't ask about you
I don't think about you

truth is
I'm doing so much better
right now


I don't mind us slipping
further away

I hope you break free
I want to see you happy

I still love you

I just

don't miss you
Continue reading...
210 · Dec 2019
you're in my tomorrow's
eileen Dec 2019
you're in my tomorrow's
I was flustered at the way you stared at me

you don't go away
not in my dreams

you stand so close
you can't even see

put my favorite song
dedicated to me

you had so many chances
you never proved anything

I took the words out of your mouth
guess you'll never know what I expected

my expectations are low for you
you dug yourself a hole

I will always come back
even if you don't

so many opportunities
it doesn't go through me

cross my heart
hope it breaks

I want all the love I have for you to go away
Continue reading...
210 · Jun 2018
13 million atoms
eileen Jun 2018
13 million atoms
I'm constantly changing
now everyday I'm dreaming

You lay by the sun
so I won't see you leave
I can't believe
I'm really nothing

today I feel like a speck of dust
against all these people
who have luck

I just want to go home
wherever that is
Continue reading...
210 · Sep 2018
mess we made
eileen Sep 2018
mess we made
where's your pain
where do you keep it hidden

white pages
burned down to brown

Do you feel down

Your perfect life
I'm envious
of what you have

red lights
keep us down

I'm still with you
even now

where we don't speak
it's been more than a few weeks

when it hurts me
does it hurt you

does it ever hurt you
Continue reading...
210 · Feb 2022
last sacrifice
eileen Feb 2022
last sacrifice
my hands
hurt

it's hot but negative zero
outside
I'll still turn the fan on

you don't want to say it
should I

I've been thinking
about saying everything

I want to scream it
out loud

you were my best friend
I was so happy in a world alone

you left me
there's nobody who will listen

you can throw the flowers out

you don't want to admit it
I'll ignore everything

my old best friend
I want to disappear but I don't want to let you go

it's going to hurt
if I leave

I'll stay for a while longer
just a little more suffering
a little more pain

to see my smile fade away
Continue reading...
210 · Mar 2016
Storm
eileen Mar 2016
Storm
The thunder was slowly
And the lightning constant
The rain seemed angry
Or maybe the skies clouds
Were depressed
All i could tell was that
They were crying hard
2:01 am
Continue reading...
210 · Nov 2017
gloom
eileen Nov 2017
gloom
They ask me if
I see the glass half empty
or half full

I see nothing at all
Continue reading...
209 · Dec 2017
drafting XV
eileen Dec 2017
drafting XV
Everyone is gone
fearful of the cold
stay home
where you're warm
Continue reading...
209 · Jan 2016
7:21 aM
eileen Jan 2016
7:21 aM
What is poetry now ?
What you think
What you feel ..
Your thoughts

Or just words you can't say
So you type it down instead
Continue reading...
209 · Jan 2019
Dreaming kills
eileen Jan 2019
Dreaming kills
I am timeless
I have no age
I can't feel
10w
Continue reading...
209 · Mar 2018
hardest choice
eileen Mar 2018
hardest choice
Wish you were gone
wish I didn't remember you at all
curious what you're thinking about right now
if today isn't so great
tomorrow will be a big waste
if you ruin the mood
all you have to do is look at the moon
watch the sunset
go stargazing
life isn't all about
the past
even though I want to go back
if I were asked to pick one day
to live again
there's no certain decision
I would stay in the present
Continue reading...
209 · Oct 2021
call me in love
eileen Oct 2021
call me in love
I believed
I could have you forever

I was asking for too much
I can't have that

I wanted to call you
in love

I wanted to say
I love you

too many bandaids
for all the cuts you left on my heart

I'm bleeding
all over again

missing you
missing you is the worst pain
I didn't want to experience


say you miss me too
say you love me too
say you think about me too

ease my mind
I haven't heard your voice in so long
Continue reading...
208 · Dec 2019
friend of mine
eileen Dec 2019
friend of mine
sʜᴇ ʜᴜʀᴛs ᴍᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴍᴀʟʟᴇsᴛ ᴡᴀʏs
ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ sʜᴏʀᴛᴇsᴛ ᴡᴏʀᴅs
sʜᴇ ᴄᴜᴛs ᴍᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴘᴀᴘᴇʀᴄᴜᴛ
ɪ ᴄᴏʟʟᴇᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ
sʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀᴍᴀɢᴇ
sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴛɪᴍᴇs sʜᴇ ᴅᴇsᴛʀᴏʏᴇᴅ ᴍᴇ

ᴡɪʟʟ ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜ fᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇsᴛ ᴏf ᴍʏ ʟɪfᴇ

ᴄᴀɴ ɪ ʟᴇᴀʀɴ ᴛᴏ fᴏʀɢɪᴠᴇ
ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ɪ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟᴇᴛ ɢᴏ

ɪ'ᴅ fᴏʀɢᴇᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴏɴ

ʏᴏᴜ ᴛɪᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟf ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴍᴇ
ᴄᴜᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏff ᴀɢᴀɪɴ
ᴄᴜᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴜᴛ

ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪs ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪ ʜᴜʀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏᴏ
ʇı ǝʌol I sı ʍouʞ I llɐ
Continue reading...
207 · Aug 2018
Dream don't doubt it
eileen Aug 2018
Dream don't doubt it
Blue lights

Will you ever fall for me

I'm changing
I've lost myself before

Will you look for my love

I'm growing up

I'm accepting things
I don't want to

It's peaceful
the moment you fall asleep

Worries disappear

A beautiful white dream


I'm dreaming

A dream of dreams that dreaming children have
Continue reading...
207 · Feb 2016
wishes
eileen Feb 2016
wishes
She told herself mulitple
Times
She was getting out of that
Cursed house
Live a different life
Get a career
& Find love

Too bad everything fell to fast
Continue reading...
206 · Nov 2019
A perfect world
eileen Nov 2019
A perfect world
You created a beautiful world
a flawless nature
a flawless earth

You created creatures full of mistakes
you created painful beings

I'm envious of the light
you created so ethereal

why am I not beautiful
like the ocean

you created such a perfect ground
humans tear apart

I'm disappointed you let such a celestial planet
go to waste
Continue reading...
205 · Nov 2018
Where am I
eileen Nov 2018
Where am I
I felt tall
swimming in between
mountain valleys

Now I'm crossing over
smaller I grow

Doesn't really make sense no

I lost myself
yesterday afternoon

Who am I
today

My whole body disappeared

No one is coming

I saved myself this morning
Continue reading...
205 · Nov 2017
Issues
eileen Nov 2017
Issues
I just want to rip my skin off
would you love me then

all these rules
I break

you say
I love you more

I know your Satan
the way you stare at me
looking vacant
he smells like satan
Continue reading...
205 · Feb 2018
someone else
eileen Feb 2018
someone else
You're all so gloomy
You make me pessimistic

yellow rose petals
falling to the ground

I'll have to wait till Monday
to talk to you again
I haven't earned your trust

Everyone wants
to smoke my cigarettes
by this point I let them do what they want

I told you
I don't want him
I want her

I'll bet he's on your mind

I tried drinking
realized
it won't help

You're all so gloomy
it's bringing me down

I know
I also fall
into a blue state of mind

yellow rose petals
falling
what happens when it falls apart?
Continue reading...
204 · Nov 2017
drafting XII
eileen Nov 2017
drafting XII
I'm running out of ideas
I'm losing my mind
running out lines
losing time
Continue reading...
204 · May 2018
Midnight cries / haiku
eileen May 2018
Midnight cries / haiku
Crying can you hear
My face is wet and I'm hurt
but I love you too
Continue reading...
204 · Sep 2019
cold clouds
eileen Sep 2019
cold clouds
cold rain
cold face

cold heart
cold taste

I loved you
and I left

you colored me blue
the life you gave
you took away

you're my blue side

100 percent chance of rain
100 % chance of heartbreak

cold lover
cold water
cold kiss
Continue reading...
204 · Aug 2018
Yule
eileen Aug 2018
Yule
When the cold air starts to come out

I feel like I'm not around

Where does the wind go
After it dies

I'm not who I want to be

I act a way I shouldn't

People see me so differently

I don't know who I want to be anymore

When the lights turn off

I feel so lost

When I wake up early

I feel so calm

I am not who I want to be

Is there only one life
to live

Time will never wait for me
Continue reading...
203 · Jul 2018
Us
eileen Jul 2018
Us
I follow all the young women
writing down their pain
to relate

I follow all the young girls
trying to write out a piece of true love

I follow those who dream of perfection

Who want something more
than what is given

true love
It's only a myth
A soulmate you wish for
doesn't exist

I only ever follow the girls
who know the disappointments

the women who are well with heart breaks

all so I can say
yes I feel the same
Continue reading...
203 · Nov 2017
Abc
eileen Nov 2017
Abc
See you're making new friends
Slowly forgetting about me

The distance
The tension
Less conversations

I just want the day to come
When we act like strangers

We won't remember
The days we were together

Your standing in the shadows
I just want to be in the sunlight

We can't hold hands
Oceans apart

I can feel
You slipping away
From my heart
Continue reading...
203 · Sep 2018
leave in this light
eileen Sep 2018
leave in this light
I don't want to live here anymore
killing myself slowly

I don't think I love you anymore
You're pulling me down

I believed
we were everything
you and I
were everything

believing
you loved me

stop lying
losing your faith in me

did you see me
for who I am

turning around

I don't want to be here anymore
I believed
You loved me

I'm always running away
from the liars

you lost your face
for a while
Continue reading...
203 · Mar 2018
With respect to the stars
eileen Mar 2018
With respect to the stars
There's days
where I look outside a window
and feel like I have no talent at all

I begin to say words in my head
that swifty intertwine together
like pieces to a puzzle

I apologize for all the years wasted
looking at the ground
angry at the world

I'm looking higher
than the clouds now
Further than the stars

I see the whole universe
Tbh I just look at the ever changing skies and that's enough
Continue reading...
202 · Nov 2019
(٥↼_↼)
eileen Nov 2019
(٥↼_↼)
I slept to the sound of your voice

I dreamed I said hello
hoping dreams come true
Continue reading...
202 · Jul 2018
Lei è
eileen Jul 2018
Lei è
ELLA ELLA ELLA ELLA ELLA.ELLA ELLA ELLA ELLA ELLA ELLA ELLA ELLA

No me quiere
una flor que nunca a visto el sol

y yo
triste luna
me muero
por ver la
brillar
Continue reading...
202 · Feb 2016
truth
eileen Feb 2016
truth
My heart aches
For your forgiveness
Continue reading...
202 · Mar 2021
will I ever know
eileen Mar 2021
will I ever know
I wish I could look inside my heart
to know if I love you at all

any amount I can trace
to erase
Continue reading...
202 · Dec 2018
winter's death
eileen Dec 2018
winter's death
little flower, small
must you die in a short time
where does your life go
Haiku
Continue reading...
201 · May 2019
spinning
eileen May 2019
spinning
are we moving on
are we letting go

you can't do so

nothing feels good
I can't fix it

I just wanted to try
Continue reading...
200 · Oct 2017
bloody tears
eileen Oct 2017
****** tears
Now that we are broken up
don't delete all the kisses
I sent you of love

don't delete all the memories
of the mornings
we spent in love

what if it isn't made for me?
loving

I hope we both aren't too forgotten
Continue reading...
200 · Apr 2019
under his skin
eileen Apr 2019
under his skin
breathing demons
angel cutting
humans take advantage of God
Continue reading...
200 · Jan 2019
I'll write about it today - tomorrow I'll forget about it
eileen Jan 2019
I'll write about it today - tomorrow I'll forget about it
now that I've got
my sadness flowing
like a river's stream
I've got a million things to say
a couple feelings I need to write about
I'm still in my day's clothes
I haven't cleaned up
I should sleep soon
this shouldn't happen
I lose
I lost my way
lost at sea
again
climbed a mountain
never came down

now that my emotions
are spilling out
like an open
bottle of soap
on the floor
slowly

I got a thousand feelings
I want to say

in hiding
I can't really say

I got hundreds of feelings
I need to scream

I must pick them up
stuff them inside a bottle

only lasts a while
Continue reading...
200 · Jan 2016
9:50 pM
eileen Jan 2016
9:50 pM
Don't make me rot in my
Head

Make my thoughts
Happy again
Continue reading...
200 · May 2019
love alone
eileen May 2019
love alone
your love is grey
it doesn't feel cold
I never feel warm

your love is grey
I don't feel it
sometimes I only want to see it

your heart is broken
I swim deep waters
to reach the missing pieces

I cut my wings
to keep you warm

why is your love so grey?
never get a smile
or expression of pain

not a sound of love
or sight of hate
Continue reading...
200 · Jan 2019
impulsively I didn't know, a sudden forever goodbye
eileen Jan 2019
impulsively I didn't know, a sudden forever goodbye
she'll leave so unexpectedly
she'll buy makeup wipes for next week
she'll plan her month ahead
she'll be on time
writes notes for tomorrow
keep on watching a series
pause a three-minute song
she'll leave
without knowing it herself
leave her electric blanket on
water brewing for tea
the gas runs
the bathtub will sit still
waiting for her aching legs to dip in
a window waiting to be closed
she'll leave too soon
without answering back to a call
a half-empty cup of milk
before putting on her left sock
she'll leave
she'll go
I pray she gives herself time to plan
her goodbye
Continue reading...
199 · Oct 2017
ᵢ lₒᵥₑd yₒᵤ
eileen Oct 2017
ᵢ lₒᵥₑd yₒᵤ
I wrote it in tiny letters so you wouldn't see it
the piano and violin playing
from the other room
I thought you were sleeping

the night made from darkness
collapsed on us
frightened

my heart somewhere next to you
will I see you tomorrow
probably no
I hope so

everywhere I look
I try to find you

no messages
saying hello

my heart was tired
cigarette ashes on my shirt

I play angry
the song so melancholy

everyone telling me
who hurt you

my heart dying

supine
you told me lies
Continue reading...
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