if i had a horse i’d call it peony
a foal white, raised sand by sea
far from spur and saddle
then i’d let her go free

beauty walks down by the water
whilst flowers wilt at her door

if i had a boat i'd call it gently

why?

to sail it so

the rock
spinning silent in space
listen to lovely water's flow
let go

should have heard it then
when she said bite me on a bed of roses
since we smoked it, all around her is this grey boring mess

looking through creases
towards the hills and far away
the sun sets behind hunched shoulders
over greener grass she casts shadows
they follow while one leg lifts on the fence  
we turn smiling hope
it jumped behind a tree to giggle

when there's horned wire between us
she'll make that suckling face
of a twisted child
oh exhale, we shame the twister
read the essays, they conclude
we see more than the bruised, bullied blisters
we see inheritances bled on innocence  
hot potatoes passed along
sweetness i’m strong and hands of hammered iron
your chef, poet, music painter
lye back, love maker

twirling issues while herbs dry on my mothers table
childhood nudges play ball
the sun wafts in a cool breeze like heaven
while salt cures white rose petals

let me down then
spinning
raged, spitting
red

see my face seldom smile
can you hear my teeth grind whilst you take mine?
my image of a village
the one u paint a smoking city

******* whilst i sleep, weep
for my sodden hopes
exclude, remove
do not talk to me

sweet teenage attitude

what you sayin

'how you feelin, healthy?'
reluctantly
i now dote a burnt black box
lost & loose, it rattles

cry on my altar
for a scarlet word’s fate is worse
librate, I alone
stout battle
smoke chasers
the roaring drums beat
and mute marvel me

how’s your schedule sugar
are you busy?
is your skin still the softest clean that seldom sin?
are your arms still the warmest home i ever lived in

did i hurt you,
does it ring
cause **** I’m always feeling sorry
forever turning beds
pillows stuffed with plastic worries
red tears on a swollen head

i hid fists in love letters
i snapped bridges that we'd crossed together

but then she's trust and talking
and I’m sorry from mister mystery

a beautiful singing bird
playing above the trees
drifts like a cloud
and plays love like a teen

this one's made of dimples and lifts home
cuddles in the cold and the soft fuzz on her skin
an idol conversation in the dark
a filter for the stark

there it flies
up from the tree
aim
BANG once again is shot
dead to me

dead to ****** me
me who buried traps of fists
little lies on the path ahead
me who’s now he instead

BANG there she goes
I’m on the trigger all night
any flutter by the nest in my head
is another caracas hung in the shed
im a predator
i shut them out
and BANG
lock the door

idol eyes slip to her name
we’ll change it
now an X in there
make it easy
for my burning brain

but then its pictures of sinking tug boats
stiff socks
empty cold spots
legs snapping
arm locks

to the funnest person i knew

your story’s told now
shew!

clemence your stone ideals
see words are metaphors
for chaos of metal ores

acquit bad thoughts
screen printed in reverse onto your t shirt
and sewn deep in the back
of this boudoir manifesto
you so love to show

three’s no magic number
magic’s a metaphor too
for awe
and misunderstanding, idiot

two is triumph
two is love

it blesses you with magic
there’s something real about you
not just a dart of light
across a funk of meat
in that tempered embrace
you’re more than a flicker in cosmic heat

one is monologue
one person talking
pretending they listen
self affirming
ending every story,
the quiet avenger

dreamers be careful
relax a bit
you can only ever hate yourself
don’t eat your own ****

I’ve been eyeing the door all week
retreating to meditations
of peeling new potatoes
growing my hair out in lisbon
working hard at a sink
where no body knows me

in the evenings we could smile in the heat
eat cheap fish
toast homemade port with unfamiliar ladies
lye in harder beds
on softer ground

run

now strip all the streams of her
paint her face from the walls
delete the digital shards
of the omission professed, inept

the moaning tease of love
stops
and now it begins
the hoarding of art
the roaring wells of smoke

designated paintings
gungey pink words
a gun fires deep in the woods
and out limps a lover’s touch

strip all the streams of her
board every wandering tunnel
delete the digital shards
of our shattered growing up

now read this

silly smiles
smelling pink nostrils
love’s longing lips
neither body cares
legs dance & red vintage lamps
hands make an okay
as they spin through the air
brazil, a lovely guitar sings

refined, it began
deliberate
then out slipped i love being with ya
now i’ve somerthing horrid to give ya

yeh hold this a sec
this slimy rat of an excuse
look its alive still
wriggling
wants a word wi u 2

alright then you’ve gotta take this bag
but it’d help if you hid it
na don’t worry
there’s nothin real in it

it's heart
mulled over beating
then it’s name ran at me
i flinch
hocking back spit
arms aim fire
fists, guard our eyes

stay back horrid child
for far knowing
what evil you do
does not stop
the evil in you

the taunting and twisting
on cuts filed under ‘whups'
shall we call them synergies
her smile chews
on my blistering knots

but know in my remembrance
how i’ll remember you
blundering blind in a train station
a dumb bleached blonde
and in everyone’s way

knocking over children
smiling endeared at me

oh but not by me
not  the meaning of me
not the feeling of me
you
****
you only ever loved me in the dark

dim ****** neon
motorised shoulders
a phone on hold to no where
gritty dub
then through flashing smoke
a shape shifter
a beaming gurder of a melody line
a voice

it electric and it hectic
zing zaggy zaggy ding
dsh dsh dsh dsh
everybody’s hot steppin'
plugged into electric
dsh dsh dsh wha
steppin'

it twisted
when i sat idle
hopeing off her horoscope
online, read a few
after that i do a painting
something like she’d do
little flowers smiling fruit
health veg and neon cities

it hard
when i sit back
tip ma cap down
chillin'
then wham
i slip and gotta climb out a pit
overrun with  a thousand clones of her
muddy and they’re all babbling questions
everything she ever said streams lucid
concerned 'help me’s tangle
soft 'love me’s whisper
i turn
and she asks me to leave

it easy
after a spliff
or a bottle of wine
a slice savoury unconsciousness
any bite of smoke

its wrong
that we’re going to forget this

she’s ignoring it hid round the corner
waiting till i'm gone
jumping into a river of ignorance
blaming it on being young

its
stupid
that i even give a ****

That even i care so much

tho yes
it over

but where do we leave it
somewhere we might find it?
charity shop?
the attic?
maybe she’ll give it to a friend
or she’ll paint over it and just know it was there

on her own she might trace where we drew
and shed just half a sigh
skip a heartbeat and roll back to bed
she’ll wish for that last kiss

but once you’ve killed it its dead

the eternal teenager

talks like the black youth
dressed like a spinster
all hail the new void
a new age hipster

guess it’s still that same
talking hip & smoking ****
but they did nothing in vain
it was the new whip
to talk hip and smoke ****

all very cool
your carpeted shoes
and flowers up your nose
but how long until we’re jus’ talkin’ smack n smokin crack?

the eternal teenager
borrowing spent youth
never hearing truth

So what is it now?
What do we call it
When blood finally boils
Juices run clear and hunger eats fear
Yet we pause to stop and ignore
forests brimmed with adventure
Yet to be explored

Wild overgrown and Tangled
constricted tired and thorned
A flower buds in winter
And is lovingly scorned

So what is this?
Post war? Pre season friendlies?
Well shoot,
I felt adored

Know what it is
How it is
Well, how I feel it is:

It's sad
It's tears from the crowd
It's a stand up, shout and cry
"Don't do it!
Let yourself be carried away!
It was love! And it still is!

You Fool!
He'd hold you no matter how cold
He'd love you no matter how old
And He'll leave you, if ever told

And you love him too!
I see it because Ive felt it before,
When there's no eyes but theirs
And no one else on the floor

You fool, you should swim
And get in whilst it's warm “


or is it a tickling cliffhanger ?
A ******* prologue
that book you'll read when you're older
The one to curl you up in the fire
Kissing eyes in the night
To Dim the lights on the liars
A final battle of the fight

Maybe it was just all it is
And those smiles who jump into each other's arms
Time by time, visit after visit
Will slip from ear to ear
To jealously and fear
Bullying hope and squeezing
tears
Drop our heart to a dead beat
drum roll

Then we talk,
Around the subject of nothing
But it's all in the subtext

She said forget,
don't wait
And made my love taste like hate

Wild overgrown and Tangled
constricted tired and thorned
A flower buds in winter
And is lovingly scorned

smell hell
a rocket rips straight up
white
handsom ambiguous evil
a little bag of *****

whatever, it ****** works
this is different from nothing
this i guess is better
this i love to do
this became my debtor

blanks drawing outlines
wine colours them in
mona lisa nice to meet ya
hows a party of sin

god god off
and we art in heaven
abstainity
roll the fiver

just finishing off monday
sarah woke up not groggy
this took practice
time for a coffee
banana granola greek style yogurt
quietly on her phone alone at home
perched on the sofa
a thought strays back to heartbreaks
heaven slips on it’s loafers

on time she quits lipsticks and ties coat
fluffs the hair
smiles
clicks down the stairs
she sounds attractive
tight and a skirt
smart tasteful coat
button’s no broach
appropriate

down the stairs and out the door
outside brain makes it up
all the same mornings
tunnel vision
work

down the street there’s magic
rays of it spot through sodden clouds
searching people
one to one to one, looking for Sarah
both violent and divine

Sarah weaves the street
walking not the fastest
used to like the rasmus
doesn’t think of coffee
maybe what’s for lunch
then the sky oppressed her
vibrating darker than death

shock from eyes of lightning  
for a moment buildings glitch
they lag fade and stutter
people stop and blink
they fear, look up for another
sarah feels a cold
heartbroken and lifeless
the world gets lower
slower
time’s flipped in a crisis
screaming colours from their fleeting faces
seep into her jelly legs
then her skin it turned to water
body a puddle
a gloopy goop of eyes and blubber
some hair on some putty
sun on her frogged eyes
one falls down the gutter
everyone chokes on a splutter

it most seldom expected
the day Sarah randomly melted

master i find dead skin on head
i rub where it lay
i was closer to zen
why

dead skin on head
you rubbed where it lay?
m
mmm
that is why skin on head is dead