To the one who left me wrecked,

It’s been a month or two since I last saw you, I can still remember that sweet smile, the light chuckles, the manly gestures, and the deep gazes. Those mornings, when there’s someone waiting for you to have a breakfast together. Those evenings, when someone is willing to change his route just to keep you company. Those lunchbreaks, when you both argue on what to eat because of your different preferences. Those short breaks, when you don’t have anywhere to go and settle at the aisle to talk about random things or just have a quiet time together. Those deepest secrets you both shared with each other and those rants about all that’s happening around. Those small instants that made my heart flutter, those sweet words that made me skip a breath. Those moments that made me felt like I was a part of our own world. A world where we both matter. A world where we are both the protagonist. A world we both created. I lived and believed in our world because it all felt so real. It was dreamlike having you in it. It felt perfect with all the flaws and drawbacks. But was it really all true?  Or it was because what I wanted? Because how could someone make you feel like you’re a part of their world and yet will still leave you hanging?  How can someone tell you the sweetest words and yet make the bitterest lies. How could someone make you trust wholeheartedly and also make you doubt yourself? How could you use me to make you whole and yet leave me wrecked?  Now, I can no longer play the game we both played. I can no longer walk the path we always walked together. I can no longer trust sweet words that were just lies to start with. I can no longer go back to the world we both created.

Today, i let myself cry hard over some stupid things. I was sooooo annoyed to the point na pag iyak nalang nagawa ko. It felt really heavy kaya bigla nalang nagburst out. Naawa ako sa sarili but at the same time mas nainis ako sa sarili ko kasi hinayaan kong ganunin ako at hinayaan ko sarili kong maramdaman yun when infact i know i am better than that. Kaso being the same usual me, mas pinili ko nalang manahimik, umintindi at umiyak. The feeling of Being taken for granted is sooo distressing. I always feel that way and believe me i super hate it but what i hate the most is the fact that i dont have the courage to stand for myself which led people around me to think that everything is okay with me. At times, I really want to be selfish and btch. Nakakapagod ding maging mabait. :(

Everything that’s happening in our lives, even the smallest ones that we barely notice, has its own reason. We may not know it yet, we may feel confused and even ask ourselves why but please know that soon everything will fall into its right place. For every milestones and downfalls, for every happiness and heartbreaks, and for every solace and pain comes a purpose, greater than what we planned and expected. We just have to be patient enough to wait for the right time, strong enough to accept that we cannot have everything we wanted, brave enough to conquer our deepest fears, wise enough to overcome every challenges prepared for us, and firm enough to walk away from those who doesn’t want us to stay. Don’t ever lose hope. Everything happens for a reason.

akala ko may pag asa,
sa bawat matatamis na salita.
akala ko may nararamdaman,
sa bawat masasayang kwentuhan.

akala ko may mahalaga,
sa bawat pagsabi mo ng ingat.
akala ko may paghanga,
sa bawat mensaheng natatanggap.

akala ko ikaw na yong pinalangin.
akala ko ikaw na yong para sakin.
akala ko ikaw na yong hinihintay.
akala ko lang pala lahat.

this day has finally arrived.
no more sufferings and pain
but longing and mourning remains.
regrets and what ifs comes after.

memories will always be treasured.
all the good deeds will be remembered.
saying goodbye is the hardest
but i know its for the best.