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If I could be around you
Just for one day
If I could spend a whole 24 hours
With everything going my way
I'd spend it touching you
I'd spend it loving you
I'd spend it kissing you
I'd spend it talking to you
I'd spend it getting to know every thought in your head
I'd spend it getting to know every beautiful curve that makes up your body
I'd spend it showing you how much I adore you
Even though I don't even know you
I know your face
It puts me in a daze
The tiny details I have of you
Are the little treasure pieces I hold dear and near to my heart
I'm dreaming of the day we get to meet
I'm pondering about the 24 hours I will spend making endless love to you
That's what I would do
If I had a whole day
Dedicated to someone I've never met but would very much like to meet.

© Willa 2014
 Mar 2014 Miss Kiss My Bliss
Den
Sporadic. This girl
tells me she's going to live til she's
a hundred and thirty-three.
"I'm going to see history unfold
before my very eyes until
it's flat and spread enough,
it can't hold any more secrets."
Sporadic. This girl
tells me she'll find out history's secrets,
like they were more comparable
to her misplaced magic markers
than to the equality we so craved.
And the funny thing is that
she actually, truly, honestly believes that she can—
The other funny thing is that
I think I'm starting to believe her
and now, I've decided I'm telling her—
and she's walking towards me,
bright eyes and smiling lips
replaced by bitter lines and hues.
She's walking towards me—Sporadic.
This girl tells me that she's sorry
because she just got a call from her doctor—
Sporadic. This girl tells me
that she won't live past twenty-three.
And it angers me.
I can still hear you walking,
stomping
Hoping you don't hear me talking,
stopping
realizing I'm talking to myself
cause there is no one else

You know, I used to get sick of the way
I cover everything up with laughter
I got it from you
And I used to wish I never had
It makes it hard to deal with things
Because I don't
I just laugh until it doesn't hurt
And sometimes that's worse

I used to hate how nervous I get
Before leaving the house
Always searching for something else
Always feeling like I'm missing something
It's not that cold,
but what if my car breaks down?

But I miss how smart you were
And how humble you were
When asking how to spell simple words
I **** at spelling, too
I got a lot of bad things from you
Or so I used to think

But now, it's as though all my flaws
Have become pieces of you
Laced through different parts of me
How could I ever hate them now?
I'm still learning to love myself because of you
I'm still growing to love the way you taught me to
I love myself even better now
And it's all because of you
eh
What is happening to you?*

Well,
I'm stuck in this limbo of a world between child and adult.
A limbo between my choices and yours.

I'm stuck between childish way and adult relations.
I'm stuck between the condescending tones and looks; and the reality of freedom.
I'm at a halfway house between sanity and insanity.
Frankly, it's such a thin line I teeter it.

I'm stuck in between the micromanaging stares of my family and my own personal distain.
I'm stuck between crying myself to sleep, and waking up with dreams of these new days.
I'm stuck between being a tattered rag and rich velvet.
I'm stuck in this Limbo.

And,
You don't seem to help with your condemnation.
You're not helping.
You tell me to stop talking.
You can't see I'm afraid.
You can't see I'm pulling away...
All because I'm afraid.

You only want me to talk about things you want to hear.
You only want me to do things you want me to do.
You want me here, but you want me gone.
Leaving me in Purgatory.
It’s the place we live
A place of treachery
A place of trembling hope
And sorrow

A place where centuries of salty tears
Have cried the oceans high
Where the pines, the redwoods, and the oaks
Have fled high to the skies—learning from their earthly mistakes

I want to know it all
But I know I never will
And I want to feel strong
But a feeble human existence can never fulfill

And when the thorn ******
That’s when I’ll feel pain
But to the pain I feel when I lose you
Every few months-it is nothing

You were here on the first day
And we know-- and He knows
You wont be here for the last
But I hope you will be, for the talks in between

We don’t really talk about it
Instead we talk to talk intelligently
And I like that
And you like that

And that is why we’re the same
I wonder when I’ll have faith
Perhaps, when you have faith
Have faith in me and have trust in my words

Sorrys spread themselves wide—too wide
With every rise of the sun and turn of the tide
Despite the try, despite a determination of independence
They are taken

I worry I lack some sympathy
For I did not cry the day I heard
But you do not cry on the days you die
And you die for quite a few of them

Do you know who knows?
Or do you not care
Does it matter?
For me, it does, and you know, and he knows, and she knows

I scoffed the day I heard you believed
I laughed that I figured you a man of reason
You said you could be both
I still scoff

When I shall count the stars
When I shall breathe evenly
When I shall free the butterflies from the pits of me
That’s when I shall—when I shall free you of the blame

I know you deny it
And you may right not deserve it
But when I’ve read of all the little live things
We too, will be alive

Do you count your lucky stars
Or do you rest assured
I call the arrogance a bluff
I call it today—for tomorrow

The blanket of grey
Which comforts me so nicely
Will always remain a compliment
A compliment, remembered, and not deserved

It’s a humbling experience to realize
Not one idea you will think
Will ever be
Original

And it’s a disappointment to realize
Some ideas
Ideas of others
You will never even think

In that I call injustice
But no one will make it just
And I will rest aside
Quiet… less than robust

My existence is frightening
So is yours
So is his, so is hers
Though arrogance makes for a fantastic façade

And we’re all incredibly concerned
That today will be lost before we have achieved something--anything
Yet too distracted by tomorrow
We fulfill the prophecy, and yes, we lose today

Pride is a thing to tussle with
I want to be proud, but more so, I want you to be proud
Of me
We’ve been told to not be so proud

To be humble and oh so very honest
Though those before me have proved, time, time again
That to be anyone and to get anywhere,
Humility just won’t do

And that’s the juxtaposition I live
The contradiction I’ll never escape
How to make it all of worth
While upholding a worth of self

Your mood changes with the moon
And I try not to mind
For I know that mine
Is as steady as the tides—not very
All the good times I've had
happened when
I was wearing a red bandana.
It didn't matter where I was at,
sleepy towns,
ice cream shops,
near rivers or
on even mountaintops,
if I had my handkerchief on,
things were gonna be a-okay.

Love is a beautiful thing,
it's more beautiful
when your sigother
wears her own red bandana,
all through the night,
you can dance on paisley-stars.
Your triple crown
topped in
ice-aged white,
rises above the morning light,
breathtaking,
so majestic & tranquil.
Many have succumbed
to your magic,
to the dangerous-passion
you do satisfy.

I heard you calling,
seducing me
in an alpinista language.
Your ancient frozen voices
shoot snow streamers
into the blackened skies,
beckoning me
to take your summit,
but only if
you'll let me.
Written words can
reflect the inner soul.
So beautiful & mysterious,
they conjure
raw,
vivid,
powerful images
of the writer.

And so emotive in their tone,
it's like being on
an astralplane phone,
one can listen to the
single beats of your heart
through your letters
you contrive so sweetly
& get to know you some.
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