Why do I have to suffocate to be heard?
Why do my thoughts mean nothing?
Why does my voice hide among what they choose to hear?
Why am I not enough?
Am I not human?
I make mistakes, and repent for the sins I’ve committed?
Does my heart not beat?
Why is melanin the cause of my defeat?
Why must a witness determine the effects of injustice?
Why must a simple mistake be the last day I see light?
What reason should I die?
Is a $20 bill all that my life is worth?

Does it seem like cries and screams would ever be heard?
Will people know if your breath absolves away?
Will the world know if your footsteps turn into sand, washed away by waters?
Will the neighbours know that a bedroom light doesn’t shine anymore?
Will it even matter?
Is the presence even worth it?
Is a persons thoughts just a part of the vast theories that the earth gives, or is there something deep behind?
Is a body just another count of a population or a number in a file?
Am I someone to someone or something to anything?
Am I worth it?
Am I just a hello and goodbye?
Am I just a smile from a passerby?
Am I the only one in a racing world walking?
Am I dying?
For I feel if I am, maybe it’s what I’m meant to be.
I feel that maybe it won’t matter, another letter, another name, another day.
The presence of me, what is it?
Is it just an unmade bed and a lamp light left on.
Is it just reports and papers held on to.
Is it just a closet full of fabrics frozen left to be sold.
Is it just hidden secrets behind frames and posts.
When you are dead, you are exposed.
For once the world sees what’s uncovered but oblivion hides honesty.
Maybe if I was dead, the world will take notice for once.
Maybe others will even uncover the true presence of me.
Why do I matter when I die?
Why is it worth more than being alive?

I’m sorry
To the broken ones that I disabled with words
To those I subjectified, objectified, hurt
Forgive me
I am an ungrateful child confused by the works of the world
I have no excuse for shame and distrust
Or the crazy actions, sprawled all over that I have done
Forgive me if you must
For I have no excuse for my misled intentions
Why? You may ask…
I am not the good but a bad part of the world
I am the hateful habits people hide away
I am the monster that I see under my bed
I am sorry
For pain and evil that happened to guard you
For it was due to me that you’re happiness hides
For it was due to me your insecurities lie
I am sorry for everything
You were meant to shine
Just remember the words that have been spoken, actions that have been done
They are just sounds, and letters combined to make unfortunate combinations
They are just small parts of heuristics that were triggered by memory in a monster’s mind
You are nothing of the sort, you are special
I am truly deeply sorry
I hang with the pain and discomfort I have cost you all through my life
I hang with the uneasiness that I feel when thinking of the past
I feel the pain and sadness I must feel, what I deserve to feel
I promise you I will not inflict harm anymore
My presence shall not make a mark in this unruly world
For I am a ghost, my past haunts me and my future seems but a bleak empty void
Filled with rotten hopes and dreams
Filled with memories of injustice filled with mistakes and broken promises
Please forgive me, for I truly am so sorry
For I deserve the tortures of the world
I deserve the hauntings of evil and torments
I am but nothing, my words that I speak mean nothing
Please do not listen to someone who is worth nothing more than the air they try to grasp
Please do not be hurt by the person you saw
For she is dirt and you are the foot that tramples over
Please with whatever left of my goodness and heart I have left forgive me
Accept my apology if you are able
I speak with the salted water and healing cuts that have been inflicted upon me
Please for I am truly very sorry