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Its going to be one of those familiar nights again...
I'm sleepy but I can't find my dream.
The one where I'm not searching..
Searching for you...

Sometimes I lie awake at night..
Hoping and praying this will all fade..
But each day and night passes..
and I still feel the same..

My dad was right you know...
When he called it a soul tie...
Its cruel really, if you think about it..
It can't be undone..

But that doesn't stop me from asking..
Those fundamental questions...

Why do I still love you?
Why do I still care?
After all you've put me through and everything you've done...
The irreversible pain you've caused me that cannot be undone.

Unfortunately for me...
These are not the questions and thoughts my heart seems to ponder..
For my mind sees everything of which my heart cannot bother.


Copyright.
of HappyEnding
Carry your transcendental
hands
towards the colossal
bloom of rock and earth
Bursting forth on earthquake feet.
Breath blue, and paint only green.
Promise me fire,
But when you come
bring only light.
*INCOMPLETE*
 Dec 2013 minnie sue gehrig
SJ
cravE
 Dec 2013 minnie sue gehrig
SJ
can you feel
that?
the agonizing empathy
which trickles
onto your injured disposition
and I hunger for your fidelity
i long for your embrace
for the melody in which
your colloquy becomes my
asylum
careless grass of our sins
as if by luck on the number
seven
a prism you capture a rainbow
while you finish your days in prison

insensible to the shimmer of your
crimes ice cream proves
the ingenuity of our suppers
our relationship
is me wanting to cut off all my hair
because you Let me fall
asleep to you stroking
it,
.
our relationship is
ignored texts
&
read receipts
.
our relationship
is a horrible,
uneven mix of
realism and your romantic tomfoolery,
I don't know how I'll
ever
quit it
.
coffee and cigarettes
on the frosted sidewalk
classical music at 3 am
borrowed
and returned(?) sweaters
tedious and enthralling questions
mutual humor
under the breath
shared breath
streetlights and sunshine
appreciation for life and love
substance in emptiness
.
gossip
harrowing and defiling and
sneaking its way into every interaction,
judgments and standards and
I'm never
ever
good enough
to be like them, those
significant and aware and profound and charged girls
.
it's good for nothing and
I'm afraid
nothing will ever be as good
out of the arm of one love
and into the arms of another
I have been saved from dying on the cross
by a lady who smokes ***
writes songs and stories
and is much kinder than the last,
much much kinder,
and the *** is just as good or better.
it isn't pleasant to be put on the cross and left there,
it is much more pleasant to forget a love which didn't
work
as all love
finally
doesn't work ...
it is much more pleasant to make love
along the shore in Del Mar
in room 42, and afterwards
sitting up in bed
drinking good wine, talking and touching
smoking
listening to the waves ...

I have died too many times
believing and waiting, waiting
in a room
staring at a cracked ceiling
wating for the phone, a letter, a knock, a sound ...
going wild inside
while she danced with strangers in nightclubs ...
out of the arms of one love
and into the arms of another
it's not pleasant to die on the cross,
it is much more pleasant to hear your name whispered in
the dark.
don't feel sorry for me.
I am a competent,
satisfied human being.

be sorry for the others
who
fidget
complain

who
constantly
rearrange their
lives
like
furniture.

juggling mates
and
attitudes

their
confusion is
constant

and it will
touch
whoever they
deal with.

beware of them:
one of their
key words is
"love."

and beware those who
only take
instructions from their
God

for they have
failed completely to live their own
lives.

don't feel sorry for me
because I am alone

for even
at the most terrible
moments
humor
is my
companion.

I am a dog walking
backwards

I am a broken
banjo

I am a telephone wire
strung up in
Toledo, Ohio

I am a man
eating a meal
this night
in the month of
September.

put your sympathy
aside.
they say
water held up
Christ:
to come
through
you better be
nearly as
lucky.

— The End —