tragedies – an heir to all
the mess inside those walls
i can still recall

lunged in anger, seized with fear
oh, what have you done
i tried to leave the thoughts behind
but i couldn't run

black silhouettes, tragic memories
now i'm in constant doubt
am i ready for this?

These past few days I’ve been waking up to the same dream, the same sweat-soaked bed sheets, the same sun greeting my morning eyes through the sheer curtain of sadness.

“I’ve been here before,” I said as I was having a long walk on the beach, my eyes adored the sunset and the picturesque mountains. The sea; our favorite place. We loved as each wave came, rushing to greet us, one by one like racing horses. “I’ve heard this before,” this beautiful melody. A chuckle, a laugh that sounded more like a lullaby. You sang to me every night when I couldn’t sleep.

“I’ve felt this before,” this longing, this heartache when I felt the world crashing on our feet, that first serious fight. I gripped your shirt tight when I felt the universe pulling us apart, but you didn’t hold back, you have let me slip away from you.

I’ve been waking up from this familiar memory, from this place we called happily; but the familiar face was gone and this unfamiliar feeling is slowly eating me up each day as I try to remember. I’ve been visiting the places, and the forgotten days like a déjà vu but this time, I am not with you.

Oh yes, how does it stop?
When it has been 2 years already; and I still long for you; and I still miss those stares.

I managed myself without you, I was absolutely fine, but then you came and I just can't seem to breathe; and I still miss your voice even with the thousand things they say to make me hate you, even with the things that made me cry. The ache in my chest, and the things that are long gone I still feel them coming back.

He came through the gap in my bones and left it with a blank spot. A spot, a special place in my heart, that will always be for him.

Oh yes, how does it stop?
When you came 2 years ago and you still haven't left; you still haven't left my mind.

He looked at her with his almond eyes filled with curiosity and asked, “what keeps you up at night?” She looked at the moon, patiently waiting in the sky, and said “my insomnia.” It’s almost as if the moon was also waiting for her answer.

Perhaps she feels things way too deeply,
        when words bleed over her mouth
        and tears stream down her eyes,
        why does her soul still feel heavy?

Perhaps she was too needy
        that whenever she loves,
        she makes them her sanctuary.

        But a haven is only momentary
        because if it wasn’t,
        why is she with nary a company?

I spend a lot of time inside my head. Sometimes, I am in the beautiful places of green and a pleasant dream of teas and butterflies. Most of the time, however, I find myself gradually disappear into the darkest places. Alone on a ride to another nightmare. A street without the city lights. The sky without its pretty colors, just a bunch of clouds filled with sorrows, with tears. It's like a world that has gone insane with me slowly losing my mind.

I wander through the narrowest places of my mind, sometimes a little too much. Is this life or a never-ending cycle of nightmares?

Lately, I have been spending a lot of time inside my head. No, it wasn't my choice. I couldn't find a way out of this terrible nightmare. Please wake me up.

Your arms are the best place for me and just like a hackneyed phrase, it feels like home. What a beautiful place, wrapped up inside your arms and holding the warmth of your hands. It’s the kind of warmth I feel with a coffee in the morning, my hands wrapped around the mug, and a hot shower at night.

Your scent, a pleasant, musk smell that fills up my lungs, I like to think it smells like my favorite flower, and I love smelling it from your body and from your sweater covered around mine. I want to wear it sometimes so that I can feel you near me, and oh baby, comfort smells like you.

Your eyes, a deep dark brown like almonds, is like an ocean mixed with familiarity and suffocation. I love it when they’re staring at me just as how much I wonder what dreams you see when they’re closed. Let me suffocate in those eyes, let me drown in them, I think they are the soundest place to get lost.

You are my safe haven, there is no place like you. Do you want me to be your safe haven too?

Our screaming demons,
they like to visit us at night.

Their voice becomes our company,
their smiles — wicked,
and the shadows that we see.
Every night they keep us up,
quiet, as they may be.

They live in our deepest thoughts
as we try to chase them away.
In the end, we’re surrounded
for they crawl and they hide,
and the deeper they go
they are hardly possible to find.

Oh, our screaming demons,
they like to visit us at night
and if they never sleep,
so neither do we.

It’s the way my heart feels calm with the sound of the rain and the way my eyes light up when I’ve seen something like pink skies. It’s the same thing when I look at you, with my eyes wide open and my heart beating fast. I look at you with silent wonderment and I would ask myself “what did I do to deserve you?” You fill me up with admiration and just like the rain and the sky combined, you will always have a very special place deep down in my heart.

Darling let me ask you, have you ever been lost in life? Have you ever questioned your whole existence? You don’t know what you’re doing, and you just go with the flow, most of the time? It has always been like this for me, four years to be exact.

I don’t know what I want to do and what I really want to be. They always say I’m still young and that I’ll figure it out, but time is always running and if I can’t keep up with it, I don’t know where I’ll go anymore. I don’t want to keep running for the rest of my life, unsure of all the unfamiliar places. Where do I belong? Am I not capable of certain things?

I waited from midnight until sunrise
for a chance to wander
but should I sit and wait longer
for the butterflies?
what if I stayed too long
for something that’s already gone?
and what if they already left
long before the sun?