i - talk quickly
when i
get nervous and
don't think
about the words coming so fast i
just say what i hope you like i
made you a picture
i
hope you like it

I don't listen to what people say much
or comprehend many situations that rise
I use plain language like yogurt
and barely taste the sunlight on my eyes -
I shave my face on Sundays
I occasionally stalk you online
I exercise on a bi-weekly schedule of shame
and I lie to my lungs telling them it will all be fine

i can't be another statistic
i already made it this far
this world can't be that sadistic
that i am not so sure of, so far -
i see bloodshed of newborns
and lies from the preacher
i hear gunshots in the mornings
and lose track of the weekends
i barely notice the sky anymore
i rarely look you in the eyes anymore

Heart is as heavy as
Eyelids salivating for sleep
Salvation in closing
To just let go

I wonder how many
Hours I've
Spent
Sitting
In desks, from school
To work to home
I wonder
How long until I
Stand again

he's all American
blue eyes, red face - white lies
she's all American
blew money, well read, wide eyes -
flipping this coin
I'm about to flip out -
either way, we're headed for failure
tails between our legs - since 9/11
i knew something wasn't present -
maybe that's love
maybe that's greater -
maybe that love, has us meeting our maker -
maybe that love, isn't giving us our sacred ****** -
you arrived at the gates and got an IMAX ticket -
wolves among sheep
i see the future -
money in my pocket for no reason
not yet though, i have to learn
to let go, first

where did the day go?
i look back
and touch last year
like it was yesterday -
i look back
and i hear you calling my name
down the hallway -
dust on the lampshade
coffee stains on the counter -
half empty ash tray
and since then my life's never
gotten better - rotten ever -
since i suppose - since

i get annoyed
more often
than i'd like
to admit - i
try to control my
emotions but
sometimes i
want to quit -
sometimes i want
to say ***** this ****
and flip the table
drop the cards, tell them i'm able
to reach the stars
if i read these tea leaves hard
enough, long enough - i
know your mind wanders off -

there's something weird happening
i - don't trust
a n y o n e
and it's not my fault -
they did it.
They - the purple-hearted non-believers -
my enemy's front line, bottom line -
we tap the streams of our neighbors
we kiss death on the lips in ecstasy
we touch the other side of the universe and
hardly realize it -

I think you should be able to out whatever you want into your body -
It's your body
If it's not, if at some point, you know
That changed? We should probably all agree -
Isn't that a democracy?
But that isn't what the decree -
He wants to repeal
What he cannot reach
He bases how he feels
On what he will preach
Onto places tiny stubby fingers shall never reach -
Oh Lord, why give us a gift
To only request it be returned?
Have I been that ungrateful?
Will I get what I deserve?

i'm the odd man out
not ever the even dude in -
it's ******* cold out
wondering why i deserve this
almost slipped and fell into a mailbox -
i want to live on the beach
and drink the salt water -
i want to bask in the sunlight haze
of the streetlights illuminating a dark path
walked on by men
women, children - tiny spiders
that could **** you -

i see hatred in lot's of eyes since the election date -
somehow convinced their opinions are making waves -
ego grows and we show new sides of self -
my problem is
almost every where i go i show up wicked late
like - why - do i
suffer this, wicked fate?
serving weight fist under handed - tricking fate -
or so i assumed - buying time
to spend it with you -

If I were to die at the hands of a madman, so be it
If we were able to round up the crazies in the world, we would have figured it out by now
But that's it -
Some things drive some people crazy -
While others suffer from madness -
And that difference there, between the two
That's right where you are.

Hey, it's dawn
waking up again another day I yawn
**** - ing alarm, going off
I'm sick of it, hearing it
makes my spine crawl
I like work I won't lie
but it's light work, I won't lie
thinking about what might work
I can't lie, in my bed at night and not sometimes lose my mind -
sometimes I confuse my life
with visions I get, I sweat, I can't help it
I hoping something new pulls through soon so I can open
up shop on my own and starting climbing higher -
because who knows
on your own, how tall that ladder could grow
I'm eyeing Mars and distant stars like their options
man, thinking I could leave this Earth, maybe return
that has got me, laying in bed can't sleep but dreaming -

my cross is my sword -
my cross
is on my back
two edges
- i cut myself once -
or twice, - my sword,
is my cross
my sword is my cross

i should be sleeping
all
the
t i m e
with that type of logic -
if -
i live in public
does that make me homeless ?
if -
the government steals my identity
how can i prosecute who stole it ?
i'm an open
book - chapter 1

sometimes i think there's really no reason why
you and i should have to fight - like
i think about, last night
you wanted to pass out, I was like -
apprehensive, in my eyes
just because, I wasn't tired
but you were, sick too
of me it seems, because next you
said, **** why can't you ever agree with me?
why can't anything go easily? between you and me
it's constant conflict
because you and i
it's the friction I get - it's this vision I get
where the decision isn't mine to make
let's be real, it's true when I say -
you got me so high -
say goodbye to home base -
unconditional, but somehow this
human condition will, find a way to fight it
now I hide away for days and write it
now I ride the wave and chase a high that -
I'm not sure exists.

i said as glass sprayed my
flesh like a shaken coca-cola
i could taste blood
the night i met my Muse -
i tried to ignore you
for so long, but my gut bacteria
has other plans apparently

I like the way her
hair ends up clinging
to everything.
I like the burn before the change
in color. I like when
you call and I let it ring
Twice. I like looking at the sky
and asking it questions.

i spill thoughts
like sloshy truck drivers
alchol-tinged tears burning the lips
of mothers that lost their everything
fathers, their legacy -
He was driving on the wrong side of the road.
i hear my voice
but my mouth doesn't budge
i wonder if all this
is worth fixing

in my heart
there's a problem
my stomach
and mind
have gotten
much stronger
mission control
agent of change
blue jays chirping
bring us home

when you hear noise
i see static -
i didn't
think you'd be here
i said - that color looks nice on you
i - was just
leaving - i
wasn't just thinking
how cold my bones are
i didn't wonder how long we're
actually destined to last
i honestly don't want to know

i met a girl tonight
well
i met before but
i didn't know her
name
yet

the sky is
not your sky
not my sky
it's their sky -
there.
you see it?
i feel like no one star gazes anymore
or is it just me?
i think i would go
if i had the chance

just want to meet a girl that's a solid 8
and that i can somehow tolerate
'cause it's sad when home's become some horrible place
home alone writing poems wonder why though
saying after, that i should have bothered to take
     a better shot, with you -
maybe a longer walk, with you
because i knew on the spot, when we first met
that there was something i liked about you
     nothing new here
though
well, new apartment and job
oh yeah a new phone, a new vehicle
a couple poems
that i like -
a vehicle, to be who i'd like - to be and,
i guess much
     has changed, but it doesn't feel right
without you - it's not the same, ( at night )
thinking back to our days, i blame - myself - ( i should've )
given deeper thought, about you
taken longer walks, out with you
     i don't know where you've gone
or the numbers that you dial -
i haven't heard you laugh in so long
i've wondered
what you've been thinking
for a while now

i opened a box today
and inside were my letters from you -
i haven't read them in over a year now
and i wondered if they were still true -
i inhaled and breathed in the words
the letters you inked on paper -
i took a deep breath, thinking of you
because i might not get one later -
and at that moment
i found myself surprised
those memories we created
were like smoke to my eyes

for better or worse
i am
what i think
they think
i am
more or less

i pet the dog in the graveyard
that nobody else sees
i tend to find faults like an earthquake
i - don't mean to - intention - they
just come apart sometimes -
for better or for worse
i am here
and you are there
so grand - meanwhile
we try not to think about
meanwhile -

my pain is your pain
like sound - universal
a balancing act i dance
like a flame
like a saxophone
like a spring breeze
the air is blue
and cool

A night sky never seemed so within reach
the shooting stars
and satellites, I follow their lead
I ask questions of the universe
like I expect a response
But every time
Without falter
I hear back.
I rest easier those nights.

i,
touch -
- pens
paper - money
pieces of food - i
- touch
- people,
shoulders,
babies -
i - touch
rooms
walkways mucous tan
i - touch
moments in time still forgotten -
i touch
through the doorways of creation
i touch
handheld messiahs and they're false proclamation
i touch
open wounds of men and women
i touch
i can't let this all be forsaken
i can't have been so mistaken -
i touch
sound and light
and not know it
but
i touch
darkness then
light, and i know it
i wish
i
could let go of -
it

i can't sit on a swing without
thinking of you -
it's the way the wind
hits my face - at least, we still
both breathe the same air -
i tell myself
You're not a kid anymore.
i can't just eat sweets until i get sick -
i can't take a trembling drag of a cigarette
by the bathroom window without
crashing halfway though a psychosis -
i - can tell you where down is, though

I'm five nine
I work a nine to five
My hands at ten and two
To intent to fall away
I drive home without the radio
The windows are closed
Kids in backseats gazing into iPhones
I'm fine, nice
I smile and kiss
The sky at night, day too
I reuse grocery bags
And I let bugs outside
I will call you once a week

My stomach is a monster
My stomach
Lives a monster
It has fangs and venom
It can out run you
Out smart you
It will crush you as it melts your flesh -
My stomach
Has another plan.

Most days, I wake up
Sick to my stomach
Exhausted - Ready
For the weekend,
Most days I'm
Painting my tomorrows
I'm red with anticipation
I'm - lost at home with time I borrow

My words can cut like daggers
My red yellow guts spilt like confetti
I was drinking party favors and
Knocked the glass half full over -
My hands tremble like the floor
as I walked up stairs back then
The weeds and the flowers bloomed together that summer -
The sun hot, cooking my skin
Like an egg on a stone
Like a fish out of water
Like a fist raised against the law -
That was the first time I knew -
We're all gonna die eventually

My skin
Likes cold air -
My eyes
Enjoy the dead trees
The cars broken down
The man walking for gasoline -
You smoke in the cold
I drink in the darkness

We trace events on timelines we create -
Milestones like tombstones, we
pay tribute to a life no longer
A shift in perspective
Another mode of existence
I reach out to others
and they hear me

i read
and i write
i hear
and i talk
oh --
when will
the silence no
longer be static?
when will
the noise no longer
be static?

i wish i had the charisma my shadow has
dancing in the light
brimming with darkness
i never wished to completely let go of you -
i just couldn't bring myself to call -
i see the streetlights and the insects
fighting to burn, i think that's just human
i didn't realize this burning moon sweltered so silently -
i clasp my hands towards its existence
hoping some gap opens between time and space
and i may leave
and never return

i was holding her
hand thinking, our
love is like filling a balloon it
gets bigger
and brighter - with every
breath - it wants to
embrace the sun
our love wants to fly
my love, your hands
they're ice cold -
i know, she whispered -
i know
i was thinking
about her hands
holding
a pen
holding a gun
holding a bagel
holding onto life

I'm a snowman
In a jacket

I stay up late
She sits on his face
I'm the only one to blame
She agrees
Hands and knees
Head and shoulders
Rinse me clean -
Sins, sins
I can't begin to explain
Ever since, then
Anything else seemed plain

What's my tick?
What ***** the life from you as I
Talk? I want to
Taste - the sand between your
Toes - I'm the lemon of your eye
The moment before
The small talk -
Or is it worse?
Am I the bad mouth cool
Stumbling from the bar
Cursing the bartender as he's getting in his car -
I reach for my keys
Are we each this disease?
Virus shedding a new skin suit -
Extensive expensive lotions
and pictures of women in swim suits -

I'm told I'm dangerous when I smile
Good thing it doesn't happen too often

I know I'm up too late when I start getting emails from myself -
I realize it sometimes
Reminders of the past
Hoping I'd changed my ways or
at least my sleeping patterns by now

I watch the people run
away but they tell me by
from my porch -
I have two
Questions for them -
They
Are deaf or rude
Or both
I -
Wonder if I look like that

i have a new tie
it's red and
i think you'd like it
my coffee
this morning
was burnt and
the milk was wrong
i thought of you
as i swallowed the grounds

it's not really something i think about anymore,
she said.*
     i hate this tile floor -
smokers downstairs hijacking my sleep
with nicotine nightmares and a dry mouth
awake tastes like ash - black - i nod
- smile - as we pass each other in the halls
begin to wonder, why life
is dependent on their preferred method of death?
it's fine -
because at night
i reciprocate as i read my poetry aloud

I like people -
I like birds
bees
I like things
that make
me happy
and gleeful -