The chaos in my mind has been brewing
So quietly, so still.
It's driving me crazy; I would rather be ill.
I just want to feel, again and again.
I don't care if it hurts; I want the pain to seep in,
To every part of me so I know that I'm here,
So I can face that real reflection in the mirror.
I want to see those eyes shed at least one single tear;
I am so sick of that blank, empty stare.

We spent so long building foundations so strong.
Now it's like they were never there; they are forever gone.
Was it all just an illusion?
Was it all just a dream?
Whenever I hear from you, that's just how it seems.
I don't hear warmth in your tone or even familiarity.
I don't think you ever truly loved me.

Trust me, it is my last resort.
I would rather paint a picture,
Write a song,
Find a place where I feel I belong.
It is not the first thing on my mind,
But I just can't seem to leave it behind.

To flip on the switch is to let light take control
Unseen becomes seen, I'll explore her black hole.
The current will flow, the lightbulb a-glow,
Shadows remain behind objects below.

Yet even in darkness, she shines from within
I finger her switch to make her head spin.
Do shadows appear, when the room is pitch black?
She's tasted the darkness, and will never go back.

Light uses power, while darkness does not,
An obvious statement, or just food for thought?
Remove both my eyes, call me amputee,
I'll never need light for me to see.

Because even in darkness her beauty is there
Turn off the light. I'll still ******* stare.

Please do not be afraid
Breathe in the air, deeply,
Knowing fully that you are alive.
And even if you were to die,
Right now, right here,
You wouldn't really die.
Flesh decays; it grows frailer with age.
And where it once was,
Your soul remains.

It's funny how sometimes you can't see something
Until it's right in front of you.
Then suddenly what you believed, what you always knew,
It all turns out to be true.
It is one of the best feelings,
Knowing your faith was not in vain.
I'm just standing here, looking out at the rain,
Thinking of how much you've relieved my pain.

Weak, vulnerable.
Ugly, undesirable.
Lazy, unmotivated.
These swirling thoughts of hatred.
Gripping me tightly, along with these memories,
Getting the best of me,
Showing no sympathy.
I hold my head in my hands, desperately,
Begging for the chaos to come to an end.
You try to help; you try to step in.
It's of no use; these voices will win.
There's one of you and hundreds of them.
Still you insist on protecting; you want to defend.
It is like a tornado in my mind.
If you think you can change that,
You must be blind.

i sang on friday night.
and i was terrified.
and i was sad.

so i taped your picture in my notebook.
and i looked at it when i forgot the words.
and i pretended you were there.

it's been so long since i've seen your face.
and i can't remember the sound of your voice.
and i don't even dream of you anymore.

but still, i sang on friday night.
and it was wonderful.
and it was all for you.

I pulled out each and every one
those ice shards you left in my ribs.
I bled your poison from my veins.
I slung gasoline all over everything
the memories,
the phantom sensations,
the best and worst of you,
my tenderness for you,
your barbed words,
in their entirety.

Without pause I lit the match.
I let it fall from my fingers
and the inferno roared to life.
In the flames I am reborn
and though parts of me
singe away
new, stronger parts
burn anew.
For the first time in forever
I spread my wings,
feathers combing the breeze,
and fly again.

Finally my phoenix heart soars
and sings again and what's left
of you
in the ashes is forgotten completely.

That's right
I'm over you.