I want the best for you
But I secretly hope you fail.
I want to see you smile
But your tears would be just as beautiful.
I want you to be happy
But I want you to pay for the way you make me feel.
You hurt, I hurt
It hurts that none of you see that
Do I hate that I love you?
Do I love that I hate you?
Do I love the fact I understand you?
Or do I hate that you can't fathom the real me?
I'm a peacekeeper.
I don't want to see you at war.
But I'd love to see you burn.
Shots are fired after shots are taken,
I'm the only one not wearing a vest.
Words pierce my heart en route to their target.
And in the end I'm the only one wounded.
We were like Pangea,
And now even more so.
All of you are drifting,
And I'm drowned in the rising tides.
You're all so busy staring into your own reflections that you don't realize the fog never cleared from my mirror.
I love you but it feels like you can't say the same.
I can't deal with you but my heart doesn't leave me an option.
We're not friends, we're siblings.
And you only agree with half of that statement.

There are often times when I wish
my brain was technologic
and organic distractions like
unyielding emotions
and cringe worthy memories
could be downloaded
onto separate storage
could be removed
detached in entirety
and intentionally misplaced.

Soft little reminders
cascading onto my hair
reminding me of Us
and how we lost Us.

Like two snowflakes
we were too different.

Soft little reminders
making my skin tingle
remding me of Us.
Reminding me
how cold it is


to be alone.


Like two snowflakes

we drifted apart.

I have nothing but love for a blue sky
and how its glory opens up my mind.
How it shoos away grey thoughts
of color neutral, sleeping forests.

Oh blue sky.
If I had wings
I'd make you mine.
You'd be my canvas
and my feathers,
your delicate brushes.

Oh bright blue sky
If only I had time
to sit under you
and admire your clouds.
You wear them so well.

Instead in a monotone,
desaturated schedule
I march onward.  
Only able to admire
for passing moments
inbetween places and times.
Blanketed by your sunlight.