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 Jun 2014 Michelle E Witek
Clare
and if i could,
i’d change everything for you.
because you’re the center of my universe.
and even when i can’t feel my tongue toes or fingers,
i can still feel you.
Today an eyelash fell on my wrist,
and with my breath it sailed
on a wish.
That my heart will one day be
a little candle flame,
a faint hopeful spark,
to someone just as lost in the dark
as I am.
(Working on learning to love myself.  It's really hard, but I've at least started to.  You really do have to love yourself to love someone else, I know that now.  So I'm rekindling.)
I smile knowing that this isn't a dream.

I smile knowing that you are where I am and I am where you are, in the dark, under blankets, on a cloud that would have felt like nails if you weren't here.

But I smile knowing that my breath doesn't escape into the loneliness of my room, as it brushes against your neck – my kiss of air that pushes you closer into me.

And I'd whisper words like
"I love you"
And
"You are so beautiful"
that would glide across pillowcases into your ears. And if you aren't awake to hear them, I'd make sure to repeat them the first thing in the morning when you wake.

But for now, the silence competes with the crickets, your soft snores, and my even softer sighs of laughter, in disbelief that such an adorable situation has laid itself out right in front of me,  in my arms.

I have trouble falling asleep, because for the first time, my reality is much sweeter than any dream my mind can ever imagine.
Good night.
Whenever this happens,
I just white it out.
I keep opening up to you,
Despite all my doubt.
Looking back, I always come to regret it,
Wishing I didn't feel so weak and pathetic.
Erase, erase, erase
Anything that can save face
Anything that keeps me out of that dark, helpless place.
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