Bad habits are hard to break
But you weren’t a habit…
you were so much more.
And even if it felt like it,
you weren’t bad at all.
To me you were the air,
I did not want to,
I needed to.
I needed to breathe you in,
I needed you in my system.
I did not want to,
I did not mean to,
I had to breathe you in.
I never thought I had to stop,
It did not cross my mind
to not breathe you in.
You were just there,
I did not see you,
nor hear you,
But I felt you.
Surrounding me.
It was instinct.
Taking you in.
It was natural.
You, the air
and breathing was loving.
I never found reason to stop breathing,
and I never will.
The more I inhaled,
the more I exhaled,
and it felt like
I was emptying myself
of me.
And filling myself,
with you.
And it was as though,
there was never enough of me
to contain you.
But I did not stop breathing.
And I never will.
Instinct,
not a bad habit.
that’s what you were,
No.
That’s what loving you was.
It couldn’t be helped.
I had to breathe.