Sometimes, I want to die.

Not because I am unhappy

or lonely

or tired or scared

Just to see if I’d get the chance to do it all over.

If we would get the chance to rethink every thought

to take back a kiss or a silence or a ****** essay we wrote the night before it was due

a do-over

But if we knew that we would

what would we live for?

Sometimes
we don't express our feelings, not because
we are afraid,
simply because we just
can't.

Sometimes
the words that envelope our minds and tear holes in our hearts
simply don't exist in the
real world.

Sometimes
the vocabulump that is crawling up your throat and gagging you is
simply a cloud of air that means
nothing.

Sometimes
we just can't.

I love you, you said.
don't leave me, you said.
forever, you said.
then tossed me aside
like nothing.
I need you, I plead.
Take care of me, I plead.
I love you, I plead.
nothing.

I hope one day
many years from now
you find this website
you find my poetry
you remember all these
******* Love Stories
you wrote me
and I hope you see how broken I am
how lonely I am
because you said forever and always
then left.
Sincerely yours,

she's moved on, and I feel sorry
that you have to watch her love
and be loved by another
she thought you were the most
amazing boy
in the world and if she could pick
one boy
in the world she would have picked
you.
but sadly, you are just another part of her past
more and more faded each day, with every sunset
and someday, she will find him
the one she deserves
and he will see that she is the most
amazing girl
in the world and that you should have picked
her
when you had the chance.

You know that moment,
that brutally honest and crushing moment,
when you realize
you have absolutely no idea
where you stand?
You know that moment,
when your heart sinks deep into your chest
and you realize
you are lost?
That moment when you begin to question
everything he's ever said
and you wonder
what am I,
to you?

And yet, you find yourself speechless
over and over again.
You stifle all of the gnawing questions,
time and time again,
waiting for the perfect time
that you know will never come.
You find yourself resisting the urge to simply ask,
because you are too afraid to hear
the answer.
What happens when there are too many
unspoken worries and unanswered questions
that you cannot go on.
Will you know?
Will you realize that there is no perfect time
because is there is no good time to ask?
That your questions all have inevitable answers
but that one tiny speck of hope keeps overcoming
the brutally honest and crushing realization
that the answer is no where.

Do you ask anyway?

Have you ever wanted so badly to just
collapse and cry forever
but are unable to shed a single tear
and so you sit and you stare in silence
for what seems like forever
dreaming up possibilities that seem realistic
but really, you know they'll never happen
he'll never walk through that door
he'll never pick you up off of this floor
he'll never understand or accept you like this
and so you just sit, and you just stare, and you're silent.
and he will never know.

We are all flowers
of different kinds
We water ourselves
with love and sunshine
But the saddest people
are tired and wilted
and who would water
a damaged flower?
I must be insane
for believing in you,
convincing myself,
thinking you'd stay.