There I was dancing, my arms stretched out wide.
It was a beautiful sight.
The hot sun glowing its reflection on the grass.
Everything beautiful just fades, and I remember thinking that but in the moment, I just didn't care.
The wind struck my face and my hair began to run in circles, it went everywhere.
The grass changed colors, it faded to a pink lemonade.
People began to run towards me, but I didn't hear a sound.
They began to run into the pink fields.
I don't remember how I got there, I just knew I was there.
Music playing, with lots of children playing and dancing.
It sure was a sight.

How could we all know what could happen in these fields?
A hole began to open up and the dirt just shook with the ground.
The trees began to collapse, I could hear the sounds now.
Screaming, crying and reaching for each others hands.
A creature crawled out the dirt and bred into the now destroyed grass.
Many creatures crawling out hissing at the others.
There was no way of escaping, no path, no exit.
Watching all the children and their mothers and fathers die.
Watching everyone scream and question, “why, oh why”
They  bred and bred until the pink was dead.

All the happy thoughts I had died right then.
The creatures came and then my last dying breath,
I finally saw him, looked into his eyes
six heads.

There I stood, between the tall pillars
I looked up at the sky and it was the darkest it has been in a while.
I remembered his scent, the way it was when I slept.
The black wings carried me home, but I didn't understand where we were headed.
How could a place in all black, with wings brushing against the wind in the clouded skies be a place that could comfort me and heal my scars, take away all the emptiness?
I followed you, you carried me.
Where you walked, I went.
When you commanded, I obeyed.
My bones shook, and my legs gave out.
Here I was in the darkest place I could ever be and there was light, and it wasn't visible, but I could feel it.
So we flew.
Your wings, these black angelic wings taking me to a place, that I didn't even know existed, to a place that was so empty but to you it was normal.
I could see the depth in your eyes and in those eyes, they took me places.
How could a thing so beautiful be filled with such hate, such loneliness, such despair.
So I couldn't hold on, like my feet were shaking and the floor beneath me just crumbling, but it wasn't.
Just my insides bursting at the sight of how much I needed something so dark just to bring me light, just to make me feel, just to take me a place I could call home and I saw you.
When I saw you I just knew, that you were it.
Our monsters, our darks collided into equals and we called it beauty, we called it love.
I would spend every last moment loving you while you tore me open, while you changed details of who I was, while you'd take away the lights that would make me smile, the lights that would make me glow, and you'd make me what you wanted, and you did and you did it beautifully.
You're my dark angel.
You're the devil in my dreams.
You're my desperation.
You're the black wings that carry me home.

I lost myself in my own abyss, lost; searching for answers but didn’t know the questions.
I found myself spiraling, trapped in little particles and pieces.
I was lost, it’s cold and dark, in this hole I’ve sunk myself into.
I try to pull myself out and it drags me back, sinking it’s black fangs, drawing blood until I cry but when I look down at my skin… I see nothing.
It’s all in my mind.
I’m trapped in my abyss, who can pull me out??
I think I have to pull myself out and I’m afraid…that’s what scares me the most.

Oceans away, lies an island; A beach where the waves reach the sand.
I found peace there once.
The ocean felt so good on my skin.
The inner peace I felt, I craved it more and more; every sense of relief and every worry left my body.
Then something happened, I slipped and cut my foot.
My feet could touch the bottom so it wasn’t that deep.
The rock caught me off guard, I was pulled under, water filling my lungs; my organs turning against me.
I fought, pulling me under.

A beast, a blue beautiful monster grabbed me and pulled me by my shirt with his mouth.
I woke up, drenched, lying inside a cave; by a warm fire.
This man was a beast, with beautiful blue fur, staring at me.
I must have passed out, because he had been watching me sleep.
He was beautiful, sharp teeth and more animal than human.
He saved me, I almost died but he saved me.

Part 2.

i feel as if every ***** in my body is shutting down.
it’s hard to function, hard to cope.
just found out you passed and i cried every tear i had in me.
now i just feel numb, empty,
raw, completely beyond
keyword; depression.
wish i could hug you before you passed
i guess i will see you next time, in the next life.
for now i will just stay numb.

Part 1

Dream Silent Dreamer.
But dreams are not really silent are they?
I dream about a room; I dream about a place, where I am safe.
Safety is not an issue, where you are is it?
But really sir I just need to resolve this issue, I guess it is kind of *******.
I know, I know; this is not really how a poem is supposed to go.
But when I go through these dreams, I drift from room to place and
Place to room.
Float through the air, while you play with my hair;
You sit and you comb counting numbers and trees you wish you could see.
But down the street; children playing, this place, this place; this place is not safe.
But sir, sir what do you see, when you look into my eyes, when you stare at me?
But you tightly grip this fear, with whispers in my ear.
With a tight grip on my hand.
I show no fear, but secretly you do not know how scared I feel here.
So I am carried; I am asleep and I am awake; this hurts me, but should I say.
If I fight to leave you; will I be okay? Probably no; So, I will, just stay;
Too weak to fight anyway.

Part 2

I have butterflies in my stomach, I am no longer afraid.
My eyes have suffocated from the cold air.
I am here, with you. I have been clung to your arm.
I do not fight you, I belong with you.
You hold my hand; as the child within begins to climb out of my stomach and crawls out of my mouth. ;
As if it has left my body completely; I begin to shut these thoughts out.
You tell me you think I’m pretty.
As a half smile begins to cross my face.
But this pain, it glistens.
And it is beautiful in a way.

Part 3

My hope shatters like a rock thrown through glass; the sound of it breaking.
I have just realized you may have felt my hand shaking;
Your grip has tightened but suddenly loosens.
You open the car door and I slide in.
Seat belt on; you move to the other side of the car.
We are on the road and you give me a drink.
And next thing I know I have fallen asleep.
In the backseat, my hands are bound.
Lying down in the back seat, I do not make a sound.
I see you peer through the rear view mirror.
I go back to sleep.
As the music is blaring loud, I fade away from my old life now.
It isn’t as if I needed it anyway.

Part 4

Carried inside, can barely open my eyes;
I feel your grip tighten around my neck and thighs.
I know I will be okay, I know I will be alright.

Part 5

I see a room, eyes barely open
I squint them; to see clearer.
Where am I?
Lying on a mattress, cement walls.
These are here again; blankets in the corner;
And there’s a heater by the top window.

Part 6

The ceiling above me doesn’t feel so low anymore;
But this room feels so cold.
To be in your arms, is my dream.
I can no longer dream of flowers, or daises;
Because it has become so lonely here and I wonder when the next time you will be back;
In these glaciers; fire will burst.
I put the blanket tucked behind my shoulder, covering my knees and feet.
It seems as if my aching to be held has gotten the best of me.
The sound of silence; have been like bubbles popping and crawling in my skin like a disease.
I want to hear your footsteps; my heart skips; waiting, listening.
My arms, my hands feel like grazing for your touch, but instead I sink on this mattress on this cement floor, close my eyes.
I sleep like the dead.

Part 7

I see the sky and it’s full of darkness in my mind.
Reminiscing of my first love and the way it was back then.
I still wonder if this will ever end, like hurt and sorrow.
I don’t know if I can make it through another tomorrow.
I dream of angels.
I aim for your heart, and even though it is too soon to tell,
I highly doubt we will ever part.

Part 8

You use me but it’s okay.
Because I get to leave my room these days,
It seems pretty cold and gloomy out,
Even so, my heart,
Even though I can move about,
I eat with you but sometimes have to go back.
I get hugs sometimes, I feel loved sometimes.
Suppose, suppose, better than feeling empty I suppose.

Part 9

I want to be your secret.
I want to be your dream; I want to be in your heart.
And everything leads to me; I’ll hide in a room with a lock and a key.
I’ll hide out in the darkness, and when the light comes on.
You’ll hold me until I’m sleeping and;
As I am falling asleep you will read King or Nabokov to me.
But I’ll feel safe as I’m drifting to sleep, You can keep me close.;
And your grip will loosen. And I will drift asleep.

Part 10

I have learned how to make you smile.
You tell me jokes every once in a while.
Sometimes we talk and sometimes we are quiet.
We sit in the living room and watch TV.
Sometimes you hold me til we fall asleep.
But when you are at work I’m stuck in my room but I quietly wait until you come home.

Part 11

You keep using me, every day.
It sometimes hurts, but is sometimes okay.
Once it’s done, we start talking again.
But you know these things come back again.
But you don’t know, this is a masterpiece untold.
This is a masterpiece untold and somehow you have entered the sheets of gold where the heart turns to stone and his voice would make me weak.
I’d build this fort; I’d build it out of sheets.
This heart, this heart was made of gold.
But this heart was turned to stone when it was molded, formed into a shape and forced to feel something maybe it wasn’t meant to feel.
But who could have known; who could have known?
If I knew what’s real?
So I turned it around.
Now you hear the sound of my body crumbling down.
What to do when the sun shines, and I want to go outside.
I know everyone needs some light sometimes.
Can I close my eyes, can I shut my mind off?
Can you hold me until the time runs out?
Can you calm the darkness that storms in us;
Because the lightning is starting to shock us.
I know inside you want me happy to,
Cause you want me to stay with you.
It may be forever to.
But sometimes I am just going to fall,
And here you are staring, watching me crawl.
So here you are with your wings, but nothing is ever what it seems to mean.
So if I pretend this is all a dream and I wake up from my mind and see.
That the world isn’t all it should be.
Should I then close my eyes and go back to sleep.
Sleep to this world that has nothing for me.
Because the world’s heart is black and dusty.
But everyone doesn’t know that our hearts are rusting.

Part 12

So I’ll dream of another tomorrow, even though I didn’t know I could.
And I’ll live my life like I should,
Discovering all my hopes and dreams,
Not everything closes up at the seams.
Like dreams falling on empty and people’s trust withering.
But you keep me safe and sound, with no harm could be done in this place I stay now.
But if I had changed and done as I was going to say.
And I ran away, being forced to change.
Things would become different; they wouldn’t stay the same.

Part 13

This is the end.
This is the end, my friend.
This is where my masterpiece comes to end,
Where sheets of cold turn to gold, where do I see where my heart stands.
Follow me into the darkness; follow me into your mind, into your heart.
Come with me, you will see; how dark the monsters of our hearts can be.
Follow me, follow me.
This is the end you see, so.
Follow me.

You can find yourself again.
Don’t give up.