A shadow of a shadow of a shadow casts
His long dark head
across my feet
And floods the floor.

But with a wink I shoot
A ray of light along the ground
That creeps toward his shape and slams the door.

The darkness shrieks
And grows a little weaker;
and as it starts to part I feel
My nose does bleed
My hands do shake until -
Eager to run -
I lift a  shaking leg

Now suddenly the shadow moves;
It moves toward the curtain
Spreads  out ten thin long lines to reach the spot
But fails
And stumbles back

The two of us
Keep fighting for a while
I carry his grey marks under my skin

My shins are stripy black
He lost an eye.

Eventually the sun
Shows its bald head
And my friend starts to fade;

Smaller and smaller he becomes
And quiet
Then, with a simple single beat
He leaves;

No shady warrior
No riot

And he leaves me behind.

God
Look it s already light out
And i am
Still drunk

Loads of
Almost fun *** stories

No worries though
No worries.

C-
c-
c-
concentrate!*

                    No matter how ****** many times

      I tell my head

                    to cut it out and stop
                                              
                                             and focus:


                 My thoughts will still disintegrate!

I had the strangest dream last night;
I dreamt of my whole family
and how, beneath the stars and in the peaceful dark-

they were all-

I can't say it!
It't so hard, I swear!

As I woke up the fright was so unbearable,
and what I saw so unimportant;

So now I hope, and hope, and hope
that, holding on to physical reality, it breaks not.

It takes not on a shape as in my dream.

You see?

"I never writ before my spirit moved", says the poet to herself,
lays down shield and sword
and switches off




her computer.

Maybe i am schizophrenic
Maybe i am crazy
Maybe life is something i haven't realized yet
I am on pills
I am not normal

I am beaming at my best friend's wide eyed awe
I shiver of sweetness when my boyfriend grabs the last slice of pizza
I tremble at my niece's grinning face when she has told a lie

What are you?
In which planet do you suspect a hot beating heart?
In yours?
In mine?

Whose heart is whose
Is not the question -
By the way.

Steam

rises.

Fuel is rare
              these days

But I'll find some
            on the way.

I'll find some.

What shall I add?

                My heart is wide and big

In coldest times I saw

I may rely
       On my best friends.

Fist
Fight
Kid

Grow out
Of it?

I think not.

Shaking hands
I turn to friends and weep
about the loss that did not even happen
yet

To me the everpresent threat of it
looms over me
and to get rid of it I really would
have to get rid of my own self

In my heart's shelf there stand
a thounsand dusty photographs of loss

Once tossed and smashed
I now feel numb when I remember
How those kids left

Bereft of all that usually helds up
a healthy rationality I stop
and stumble

Maybe -
a tiny flicker burning in between the dust -
maybe this time it could be different

Maybe this time
there will be clarity
and - rusting in the chambers of my heart -
the images will softly leave this rhyme

and drift apart
just like they should.

Just leave my heart.

○○○

Embrace me fully

shatter
                             shatter
                                                     shatter my heart

my love

I am not scared

Reach out
find                                      nothingness

I make a substance for you

Disrupt my                waves        of       strengh
I build them new

Don't wait for just another poem my dear
Don't queue for freedom


                                             Grab it

                                                   It is here

○○○

Let your hands not
Cling to the frozen beds
Of purple flowers

Let them crash the icy surface and relief
Your skin

So that our future has
No chance to pass
Unnoticed

Something is there
That does not love a wall


♡

So I wear bleeding lilacs on my sleeves -
now what?

It was not me that shot the ghost
of fading hours.

And neither was it you who danced so much,
who lost the cup of violet flowers
and who then left.

So now -
now what?

I wonder;
We shall not fear the breaking ice,
the rumbling surface.

Maybe it's this that will suffice
to mend what had been broken?
Maybe we could just glue those ruins
and blow away the ashes from the ground,
as a token of our love
towards this earth.

Yes, now I know -
this should work out.

Away the cov'ring snow!
Thunder - Come, strike!
Crash open!

Now,
Let's go.

I got three different chocolate bars
here on a plate at home.
One is with caramel for sure
and pretty soft I guess,
I'm going to leave this alone
or else I make a mess where I am now.

The other is of biscuit and of caramel
as well as the first one.
Looks better alltogether and will be
more fun to eat.

The last one now is of a creamy kind
with milk and all that stuff.
I save this one there, too,
for when the rough times come.

*Now here I stand:
nothing to eat cause all must be
untouched.
nothing in my sweet little hand
but thin blue air

a pair of borrowed shoes
and borrowed thoughts.

Alas, when the time comes
and frost will freeze the floor
I'll have three things;

Two chocolate bars of caramel,
a biscuit one,
and all the hope that brings me
through the winter,
where nothing will be done

A shadow of a shadow of a shadow casts
His long dark hat
across my feet
And floods the floor.

But with a wink I shoot
A ray of light along the ground
That creeps toward his shape and slams the door.

The darkness shrieks
And grows a little weaker;
and as it starts to part I feel
My nose does bleed
My hands do shake until -
Eager to run -
I lift a  shaking leg

Now suddenly the shadow moves;
It moves toward the curtain
Spreads  out ten thin long lines to reach the spot
But fails
And stumbles back

The two of us
Keep fighting for a while
I carry his grey marks under my skin

My shins are stripy black
He lost an eye.

Eventually the sun
Shows its bald head
And my friend starts to fade;

Smaller and smaller he becomes
And quiet
Then, with a simple single beat
He leaves;

No shady warrior
No riot

And he leaves me behind.

If fear be you,
Then I will flung my arms wide open
As to embrace the coming pain.

I raise my arms and hands
To catch the lightning strike
That reaches out and makes
No single warning sound.

I lift my gaze up to the clouds
And wish for rain,
And from your cold breath spills
Colder disdain.

If in my body warmth arises,
I will disguise each single sign
So that your ice caps will not melt;
Not now, nor at another time in space.

I will be jerking off in silence
Not to offend your violent glance;
Undress I will exclusively behind
The shadow in the darkest shady place.

I promise this, my love -
Excuse the word:

As long as we shall live
I will remain a solid ground
I will not give up hope;

I be there for your feet to treat on,
For eyes to pierce and burn my flesh;

I be your scapegoat
In good times and sorrow,
And I’ll be still here if
Tomorrow spears are thrown
At your cold face.

Remember this, though:

That you are nothing but my muse
Here to abuse for any purpose;
And that my work grows on your back -

If you excuse again my honesty -

And that, at last, your vicious icy soul belongs
To no one but to me,
Agreed or not.

Sometimes I *******
Hate poetry
Wait -
No. Enemies don' be
Fooled
I am an addict
A freakin monster, ruled
By the same force
That rules the mind
Of all war masters

Disaster's coming fast
Into this land
So **** the world
And **** the
Hand
That writes this ****

For in the end
It is my fears that guide
Each tiny bit of thought
Each little note and piece
And fraught imagination.

It is not butterflies
That lead the way my dear:

It's chaos.

I
am
here.

Release my wrists from your consolent grip
I am grown out of it.

Once in our lives
Have faith in me
Forget that horror Trip
That shook us so.

Combat is over
When all red is gone
Your senses may be loaded;
A harsher wind blows
in this lower heaven -
I read the words encoded:

*Forgive us Father
For we fear not
What you have planed for us.
Maintain your hard will
And ferocious tongue.
But once in
Still,
Cold,
Frosty temper
You'll see where all went wrong; where all begins, and Ends,
And  lives
Not through you
But in us.

Lighting

                   strikes

never

                     twice

Feel my lungs

                         they are so hot

Wrap me up

                        touch
                             that
                                spot.

Some clouds
Rest blue
Screams aloud
Terror forbids
Never ask who.

We are even;

A scar for a scar
A heart for a heart
I put yours in a jar
You won t part, love!

A smile for raised eyebrows
A dream for a chat
My blood flows, kid
We ll both feel bad
In the end.

The end for our start
Hold! All systems go
We are not so smart, love
Our hearts won t know
Where to start or to end,

Give me your hand, sweet
Let us go.

I can't change my heart
Who can?

A warm, wrapped-up love soaks all
that is me -
To remain.

Don't be so shy, love

I wonder why
you never slapped me
and never slept with me

You see:
I need to know you
inside out

Say it aloud:
*I'll stay with you.

I am a file to waste your time
I have no style
I do not rhyme

I am a poem that makes no sense
I do not know the future tense
nor do I care about it

I am a piece of golden ****
that clings to you like sticky paper
to be remembered later when -
in moments of appropriate silence -
you are the one to burst out laughing
and throwing up your hands with violence

When asked to please explain yourself you smile
cover your eyes to disappear
and see that this -

though silly it may be -

has changed your life.

Silky leather pants
between my hands

a moving thigh
touches my eye

breathe, love
breathe

Beneath the clouds
under the sun
we hit it
we come until the sweat runs through our clothes

After a while
we lie next to each other
on mother earth's grassy green

And hot steam rises
from my chest and his
and fists are opening

and closing now around my wrists.

On and on this goes
until the moon comes out
and kisses with its pale fire
our whitened skin

And we begin again.

Forever eighteen?
U r kiddin', right!?
Come on *****
**** that switch -

       Turn off that light
So that we can ...

               Make love.

In the middle there is a black stone
With white lines written on it:

This will give you a new name
And new hope.

And as the pretty sound of these words fades, i hear a new sound.

It is the bright laughter of two children in rhe rain -

And the light begins to shine infinitely