I took our pictures down last night.
It still hurt.
After four months of not talking to you,
I decided it was time.
I had been meaning to do it,
but I had to find the time,
the heart
to actually take them down.
I tried not to look at them too much
when I would get ready in the morning
or before I would leave the house
as I passed by.
Last night,
I decided it was time.
I took the frames down from their shelves
and laid them on my bed.
I took my hand and wiped off the dust.
While doing so, my eyes scanned over our faces.
We were smiling.
We were happy.
It was us
and that was all that mattered.
We didn't need boys,
we didn't need anything.
We were best friends
and that was all that mattered.
We used to go shopping.
The antique area was the greatest.
We would walk the brick sidewalks and roads to the CD store,
the collectible store,
and even the vintage clothing store.
We passed the tattoo parlor,
and I joked about going in and making my appointment.
I almost did too.
But I didn't,
convinced it was too far away.
Only to actually get it a couple of months later.
Rides in the Jeep with the top down on the way to the private pool,
with Starbucks in the cup holder.
We talked about boys we liked,
daily events,
and had those days where we just texted song lyrics to each other.
It killed me that I couldn't tell you about my day
and I couldn't hear about yours when you called
everything off.
Now, I know it's partially my fault.
But I tried to patch it all up.
You were the one who called it all off,
without telling me.
I was left in the dust, trying.
I knew it was coming,
but I didn't want to believe it.
It was hard for me.
I couldn't talk to you everyday.
I couldn't tell you about my day nor hear about yours.
I had lost that privilege.
Four months.
It had taken me that long to take our pictures down.
Maybe I was holding onto invisible hope.
I had avoided them as much as possible in those four months though.
My hand hovered over the frame once more,
reminiscing and wishing
for those times again.
Knowing they'd never come again,
not between us,
I flipped the frames over.
I replaced the pictures and my heart ached.
Ached for the good times we had.
But it was something I had to do.
I never knew pictures could make it hurt so bad.
My day went from already ****** to even worse.
I took our pictures down last night,
and it still hurt.

Your phone voice
so deep
and
groggy
from sleep.
My heart fluttered with
awe.
Your phone voice is so
****
that I absolutely think
it's one of the cutest things about you.
I hear it rumble through your chest and how
you just woke up,
not long ago.
I just can't get
your phone voice out of my head.

The problem with town's like
this one,
is that
everyone who grows up here
wants to leave.
A small town,
a small elementary school,
a gas station,
a couple of bars,
one diner,
a tiny church,
and a ton of well rounded
people
who have hospitality filled hearts.
We're a goodbye town.
When we leave,
we seek to leave our
demons and devils
and secrets
behind.
But once we return,
so do they.
Memories come back and haunt us,
rip us to pieces because we miss them,
we miss certain people.
People who cared,
who would wave
and say hello everyday.
One's who knew your first name
and you best knew theirs.
This is just a goodbye town
where you feel you have to leave
because the one
you love
left too.

I pull my shirt down
over my ribcage
to cover my tattoo.
It all started with
me telling you how I thought lip piercings
were hot.
Then you went got your lip pierced.
You say I was way out of your limit
but I see it as the other way around.
I mean, what would you do
without my smart mouth?

She agreed to go with me to your graduation party so I wouldn't feel awkward, only knowing your two best friends.
I parked across the street and we walked up your slanted driveway.
A former student said hello to her first, before I could find you.
But you were right in front of me
wearing a blue polo, tucked into your khaki shorts and sport flip flops.
Once you finally looked up, I waited for him to finish speaking before saying, "Hey,"
You said "Hey guys," back and made simple conversation about being graduated. Others showed before you offered us food and drink and you greeted them with long hugs.
I stood, awkwardly thinking why we didn't get hugs.
You offered us drinks in the drive or food inside.
You even joked that there was alcohol in the cooler.
We could drink one as long as we didn't drive. Then you corrected it to get caught while driving after it was in our systems. I laughed and said I was the driver here and she could have one.
You laughed and pointed us to the food inside the doorway.
We made ourselves plates and grabbed a refreshment.
We made our way back to your side to say our goodbyes.
She stepped forward to hug with both arms, as you politely returned it.
Then you reached towards me, next to you, with both arms.
How I now wish I would've used both those arms.
But our position made it almost awkwardly impossible.
I reached out with my left and pulled you to my side.
You grabbed my shoulder and pulled me close. Your left arm lingered in front of me before dropping.
I believe you were thinking of turning into a two armed hug.
Now, I wish you would've. I wish I would've turned into it.
But I didn't.
You pulled my close one last time as my hand clasped your waist.
Your waist, oh so skinny.
That's what I noticed most.
The way your body felt in my hand.
It was all ribs.
It felt nice though.
It was comforting
and your body radiated towards me, keeping me company
even though it was hot and sticky out.
Oh, how I wish I could hug you again.
How I wish there was something there between us.
But there isn't.
I would be okay to be close friends with you,
getting to hang out with you more than just work.
How I wish I could be around you.

A memory makes smile.
That moment sparked a fire. It was everything I had wished for.
I always wanted those moments, within these years, that I could look back on, in 40 years, and laugh or even say how stupid I was. That's what I wanted.
I was such a cautious child though. I knew it was better to be safe rather than sorry.
Honestly, it was when I turned sixteen that I realized that I would rather be sorry than safe.
I'd rather regret something of spontaneous moments than regret not taking a chance at whatever the topic may be.
It was when I went fifteen mph over the speedlimit to beat you, yet still lose, did I feel that adrenaline. Maybe it was just for a moment, but I looked forward to it each day.
You and I would race back to our destination
and tease each other about as soon as our vehicles were put in park.
I didn't understand how in the hell you would beat me each day.
It was because you went sixty-five mph in a thirty-five zone.
It makes me smile.
It was a moment that sparked a fire.
I can now look back and laugh about how stupid I once was.
Maybe I am stupid, but I'm happy.

My head seems to swirl.
I wish I had the guts to tell you
to
kiss me.
I just want to pretend I'm yours,
just for one minute.
I feel angry with myself.
I am overthinking,
wishful dreaming.
I feel out of touch.
Like an alien on Earth.
I feel out of place.
Like a knife placed with sets of guns.
I feel alone.
Even as I stand in a crowded room.
I open my mouth
but nothing comes out.
No one can hear me.
My breath comes out in huffs.
Kiss me
Make me yours
I want to tell you to take me
and do away with me.
I want you to pretend I'm someone else,
someone you can't live without.
I want you to tell me you love me,
even if you don't.
There's nothing wrong with saying stuff you don't mean.
We've done it our whole lives.
Why stop now.
Pretend I'm her
Tell me you love me
I want to be kissed, and touched, and loved, and devoured,
and yours.
Make me yours
For one night
Just pretend
Just for once
Take a minute, and pretend you love me
Just to keep me sane.
I've been going crazy since the day I met you.
Pretend you love me,
for my sake,
of staying sane.
*Tell me you love me

She strikes a match across her jean shorts.
The fabric for her pockets stick out under the hem.
Her eyes linger on the flames for a second,
like she's pondering
of lighting something she shouldn't.
She breathes in and bends
to light a couple of branches
in the pile.
She drops the match in the middle of the pile
watching branches catch the flames.
A smile spreads on her face
as she climbs up onto the diamond plated tailgate
of his black truck.
He smiles and hands her a glass bottle.
This was her Friday night.
Hanging out with the guys in
the fields.
He nods towards the thick brush
behind his truck.
She smiles to jumps to the ground
following him into the dark.
The sounds of water lapping a bank fills her ears.
She watches as he slips out of his shirt
and she steps out of her shorts and top.
He eases into the water as she jumps from the rotting dock.
This was her Friday night.
They float in an area that they could stand.
And when they did,
they locked hands
and shared a kiss.
The frogs croaked
and
the cricket chirped.
This was their Friday night.

What was your first thought when we met?
What were your thoughts when I tried my best to explain math to you?
What were your thoughts about our conversations?
The ones that involved laughter,
****** innuendos,
speaking of our favorite hobbies
and other various details about ourselves,
and the begging of hanging out?
What ran through your head as you asked me to help you
go to the bathroom?
What were you thinking when we ran into each other in public?
What were you thinking when we made plans to hang out?
What went through your head when we shared a hug?
What did your mind do when our faces were frozen
two inches apart?
What ran through your **** mind when
you all together stopped talking to me,
stopped returning my texts and calls?
What were your thoughts when we would see each other
after you dropped me?
The times you would always look at me with guilt,
and see me faking my emotions?
though you didn't know that
A moment's thought can change it all.
It can prove the simplest meanings of the most complicated analogies and situations.
What were your moments thoughts?
Tell me,
and I'll tell you mine.

What went through your
head
as I sat in the passenger seat of your car?
Did you smile when I squealed laughter and screams
during drifting?
I asked if I could take her for a spin
you said
no way in hell
because I'm a woman driver
and you don't trust me that much.
But I know
you do.
What would you think when
you pulled into my drive
to drop me off
as no one was home
and I crawled over,
straddling you
and gave you a goodnight kiss?
You'd press me against your sleek black steering wheel.
And I'd be uncomfortable
with the claustrophobic space
of the expensive car.
Your lips would be dark red from being pressed to mine.
And I'd place my hands on your chest
for a breather.
Do you think it could just be you and me?

After high school,
you'll forget me
and continue
doing those
delinquent
things that
my mother
and
father
would never approve of.
In ten years,
I'll have little
runts running
around.
Pitter-patter sounds
coming from the floor.
Cries
and smiles and blonde
little curly haired
kids.
I'll remember back to
the days
you drove me
wild
and wonder
where you are now.
Maybe you'll have a family of your own.
Or maybe
you'll still be
doing those
delinquent things
that never truly
distracted me
from the person
I was insane for.
Because-
in ten years,
you'll have forgotten me
and I'll
remember you
with my family in the
other room.